I’ve not visted CC in awhile, but I know when it comes to things related to college and new grads, there is no better forum around.
I’m certain some of you have experienced this. DS (graduating in May) received a fantastic job offer in the southwest. We are life-long midwesterners. On the one hand I am so proud and happy for him. It’s really a great offer with a long established company hiring lots of new grads for a new IT center. No doubt in my mind he needs to take this offer (although there are a couple of others hanging out there). It’s just a great opportunity. We’ve let him know it is his decision though.
When our older DD graduated her job offers were all within a couple hours drive. So this is really my first experience with one of our kids really, really leaving for a new adventure. His college is within 30 minutes of our home (he did live on campus). While I’m happy and excited for him, I am teary eyed at the idea of him living 1000’s of miles away. It signifies a real end to one stage of our parenting in some ways, and although we’ve been "empty nesters’ for a few years, this takes that to a new level of “real” if that makes sense.
So any words of wisdom on adjusting and putting the teary eyes behind me?
Our son lives 2500 miles away…also in the southwest. We view it as a vacation opportunity. He loves where he lives, and honestly, the opportunities there are better than here for him. The cost of living is also more favorable.
Between texts, Skype and calls, we communicate with him weekly. He is fortunate that he can come here at Christmas, and during the summer for a week each. We then visit him in the winter when it is crummy here!
But yes…every time he leaves here to return there…I’m sad! We miss him a lot, but are happy for him.
Congratulations on the fantastic job. It is bittersweet, isn’t it?
My brother moved to Asia for a great job in his late 20s. His two sons were born there. They came home every xmas. We all went on family vacations once a year. My parents visited them in Asia and so did we. It was always special when we were together. Now he is back in the States, but we are not seeing more of him than when he was in Asia.
You may find that you won’t have as much time with your son, but you will have more quality time with him. Nowadays with Skype, phone, text, you will still be in touch with him.
S lives 5000 miles from us but likes to visit us. We have seen him more since he moved to his job than whrn he was in college 2500 miles away. We see him when we are in DC and when we meet in CA as well.
S1 just moved 3000 miles away last month, so I’m a newbie at the long-distance thing too. We’re planning to visit him in the spring, and have called and Skyped for now. I’m finding the time difference to be the hardest thing to get used to. Our schedules aren’t in sync
I live in the Midwest, and kids are on each coast. One settled in for the moment on the East Coast with a job she likes and likely-permanent boyfriend from the area where she lives. The other is in college on the West Coast, and has indicated she wants to live in the Northwest after graduating. And the dog died last year – so it is just me in the Midwest! I visit both coasts, and we all get together at my place for the winter holiday, and go someplace together for the younger one’s spring break. But it is hard! I miss them both every time they leave. Now I am getting close to selling my big house, and am having a terrible time deciding if/where to move. I am not from this part of the Midwest, and don’t love the weather. I honestly toy with a new plan every day…
My sister left New England for college in the SW and never moved back. There was visiting back and forth and phone calls. Nowadays it would be so much easier with Skype and texting etc.
You raise your kids hoping they will fly, but sometimes they fly pretty far! My son was 18 when he joined the military and was stationed in the Middle East. No calling to just say hi then! It was very hard but I took advantage of the times we did get to talk or email (WAY before unlimited talk and texting). He lives close to me now. But it takes some getting used to when they move so far away.
One of my kids is overseas, she comes home, usually twice a year, and for the first few years we did not visit, we paid for her trips home as she could see more people that way than if we spent the money on our trek. We have visited once now and I have another trip planned, her siblings have visited once each on their own and once as part of our first trip for a big family gathering. We are proud of her and excited for her, enjoying hearing about her international adventure and stalking her on Facebook. I will likely have less equanimity about the nearby kid leaving. We were fully psyched up for everyone to go their own way, then the youngest bought a house within 30 minutes of us, later that year a potential far away job opportunity came up and I was shocked at my reaction, the house purchase had taken down all my defenses.
For my far away kids, I just try to be pleased and proud of the experiences they are having and try to do all I can to stay in touch in small ways.
My oldest moved to China after graduating from College in 2007 and lived there for a year. That really wasn’t so bad. We had gotten used to her being away when she went to college in IL and we knew it would just be a year. It’s different when they move away for a good job. Our youngest accepted a job offer on the West Coast (also IT) after graduation this May. I’m tentatively planning a visit in October. None of my kids are especially good about weekly phone calls or skype, especially skype. I’m just focusing on the fact that my son has a great job, moving to a cool city (Seattle) and maybe one day he’ll move back to this coast.
@walkinghome My recently graduated D moved to Seattle too. She emailed me not long ago that she absolutely loves it, and is never going to leave. I can’t think of a better place for a young adult to live (having lived there as a young adult myself).
OP, we’re in California, D went to school in the Midwest, and then moved to the Pacific Northwest. So we’ve had years of practice having her far away. In one way, it’s a bit easier now than in her college years because it’s much quicker and easier to reach her by plane, so we can see her more often. OTOH, our house isn’t her home base any more. And her visits with us don’t last for weeks or months; they last for a few days since she has a work schedule to accommodate.
Advice? None really. It’s hard, and there’s no way around it. I try to remind myself that a gainfully employed kid living 800 miles away is far better than an unemployed kid living on my couch. So that’s good, right? I remind myself that she’s happy and thriving, and doing well as she launches into the big world, and that was the goal all along, right? I’m trying to refocus my life and my time, with some success, toward me and my husband and our activities and interests outside of being parents. But still, the first evening that she’s gone home after a visit is rough. Teary eyes are OK, Mom!
I am in California and (only)D is now working and living in Europe.This fall it will be 2 years (YIKES) She came home once last year and I visit her this spring. We text each other via facebook.We skype every Sunday. Strangely enough I think we talk MORE now than when she went to grad school across town.
We retired to Florida and son moved to Seattle after he had worked instate a year or two- about as far from us as he could! The hardest part is the three hour time difference since he starts late and works late- software job with flexibility. Sometimes my H calls him in our late morning and catches him before he leaves for work.
Our son was always bad at communicating- having a cell phone does mean you have to respond to calls… this included college. When I think about it I do remember not being eager to spend my free time on the phone or in person with my parents when I was in my twenties.
Seattle is a great place to live and visit- see the threads about that. Summer has much longer daylight hours and less rain.
Upon college graduation in 2010 DS moved to Saudi Arabia. We stayed in touch via Skype, and we met him in Dubai to visit. One year later he moved to Copenhagen - yup, we visited again. DS is now settled in Dallas. If DS isn’t going to live nearby, then we use it as a opportunity to travel. Works for us.
We saw east coast D seven times last year! Two of those times were for a week a piece when she came home for Thanksgiving and Christmas (she has unlimited vacation at work). And we saw west coast D five times. H has already seen east coast D once this year, and in less than three weeks, all of us will meet up in SoCal for a week’s vacation.
When H and I moved away from our hometowns, we did not see our parents this much, by a long shot. Maybe we’d see my parents once a year, and H’s parents were not that often. But they hardly ever came to see us, although they had the means and time to do so. We have made very conscious decisions to do what it takes to see our kids however often and wherever they want - we want to do differently than our own parents did to us. And yes, thankfully they live in places we could never get tired of visiting.
I do know we sometimes see our kids more often than friends of ours who have kids who live in the city, an hour away. So it can work if you’re determined.
We are the ones who moved half-way across the country because of Happydad’s new job two months after Happykid graduated from college. Yes it’s been a bit of an adjustment (hello winter in the upper-Midwest!), but we’re doing fine.
We chat on Facebook, we talk on the phone, we send each other occasional packages in the mail, she came to visit over New Years, and we’ll be back there to visit sometime later in 2015. So far so good.
Truly, there’s no need to make yourself miserable over this unless you really want to.
