@roycroftmom But did you at least know she had done that? Had an idea where she was and that she was okay?
I probably knew she had a boyfriend, but no, neither of the remaining roomies knew his name or any details about him like where he lived. I saw she was on the graduation list 4 years later, so she must have remained enrolled, but never saw her again on campus or otherwise.
D had a roommate (in a house) who disappeared for about a week. Only thing that appeared to be gone was the girl’s phone (which by then had a dead battery). Went to the police station and they rolled their eyes almost after hearing the name. Called the mother who was concerned but later called back to tell D she was okay and don’t worry about her. She never came back to the house to collect anything. D kept her stuff (clothes, all belongings) in the garage for almost a year before throwing it all out. You never know.
I recall seeing some written policy for my college kids’ dorms that if someone is missing for a certain amount of time (24? 48 hours?) roommates are expected to report this to RA/security. Roommates tend to know one another’s schedules, and also know how reliable that person is. Are they “like clockwork,” always back to room at a certain time, no alcohol/drugs/hookups, etc. OR in and out randomly, skipping classes, staying out overnight, etc. The reliable person being missing would be more cause for immediate concern.
Surprised this has been weeks (not days). Things are different now. And guys seem less connected than girls. I was disturbed when my son told me that, when his suitemate overdosed, he (S )stayed in his bedroom with door closed/locked. Didn’t come out and ask the guy if he was OK or needed help. “I didn’t want to get involved.”(?!?!) Security showed up, took the kid away (to hospital?). He came back a day or two later and never mentioned the incident. Another time a suitemate disappeared without telling anyone. His stuff was gone. S assumed the kid dropped out, but never knew for sure. Shrug.
I tend to worry–hoping everything is OK with this kid! It does seem odd he left his stuff and hasn’t returned to get anything. Roommates should have phone numbers, emergency contacts. I’d be asking after someone within a day or two. It goes both ways. Yes, they are independent adults, but roommates should be considerate enough to let others know when they have a major change of plans so they don’t worry/report you missing–and be caring enough ask about a missing roommate.
I wish my son’s roommate had said something the semester DS fell ill. He was severely ill enough that it should have been quite obvious. 
You should report this to your RA.
The fact that your roommate’s parents have not contacted you is irrelevant as many students do not communicate with their parents often.
My son moved into the frat house last spring. His roommate another new member moved all his stuff in. They talked got along and son thought everything was good. He never saw the kid again. Someone finally told him the guy left for family reasons. One day he came back and the guy’s clothes were gone but my son ended up keeping the TV, sofa and some other furniture the guy just left. He ended up with a private room for the rest of the semester! I do think that he asked the house mom after a couple of days where the guy was. I found out a month and a half later about it! I’d definitely ask the RA.
@Massmomm , when you say “RAs are just kids, after all”, I think its fair to point out that RAs have to go through an interview process ahead of time, and they usually have to go through a couple days’ worth of training before they become an RA. Additionally, there are times when an RA may not be allowed to disclose anything while situations progress.
It can be tough to be in the middle of a situation as an RA where you know something but can’t say, or where you suspect something but can’t say. They can sometimes be trained to say “Thank you for reporting this, I know this can seem awkward, but I need to make sure YOU’RE okay too” or even “You did the right thing by coming to me - thanks for understanding for privacy reasons there’s nothing I can share back with you even if I did know anything more” It puts the focus back on the reporter. And they may add reassuringly “I’m sure whatever it is going on with him/her has nothing to do with you.” The RA quite often will have to write up a summary to record the discussion, again for the protection of everyone involved.
Most RAs do take this stuff seriously. Just because they sometimes can’t proactively come talk to everyone when there is an issue doesn’t mean they can’t be helpful.
And to be clear, I am saying this not to call you out to disagree with you, because I think you are one of the most helpful posters here at CC. I just wanted to add this because there are plenty of other parents who may be browsing forums here, some may be getting worried about their own kids going away next fall.
I’m actually shocked neither the RA or administration appears to have noticed that he’s ‘missing’ . If I were you, I’d suggest your son raise the alarm; at the very least, he’ll fine out the ‘missing’ student has gone home, and I don’t want to think of the worst…
In all likelihood, the RA and the administration know perfectly well where he is. As someone said, if he had really gone missing for six weeks at this point, it’s very likely there would have been a ruckus.
I was a roommate of a mentally ill person in college. (I actually brought him to the hospital for his first hospitalization, after he had a breakdown and started speaking in tongues.) It was appalling how little support we roommates got. We lived with him every day, we helped him keep to his schedule, take his medication. We tried to keep him from stalking women or harming himself or others. We cursed his parents for not taking him home. (They were in complete denial about how serious his condition was.) But we had no legal status at all. The administration and his doctors were happy to rely on us for information and help, but no one told us a thing, ever. When he had re-hospitalizations, they did tell us that, but only after we were searching frantically for him.
You are a good person, @JHS
Sophomore year my S had a roommate move in. After the first week the roommate never returned to the room. The boy had all his clothes, bedding, towels and musical equipment. The kid was local and my S figured he must be sleeping at home or at a GF. My S did see him around campus. At the end of the year the boycame and moved out all his things.
OP, any change in status today?
@jhs. Good for you that you helped the poor kid. Empathy and kindness goes a long way in life. School response sounds bad though.
@turtletime : Any update?
Even if something confidential happened, the RA or administration should at least notify roommates that someone has left campus or whatever. That’s just plain scary to worry about where someone is.
If the roommate has been gone for “weeks” and something was wrong, you’d think the story would have included how the the RA (or police) had come to interview the student, right?
I did a Google News search for: “missing” “college” “student”. Nothing comes up that seems related to the OP. (No news is good news?) The recent cases from previous months seem like an equal split between “found safe”, “found dead” and “never found”.
I think a lot of college students would be very upset if a RA or police interviewed people about their whereabouts. Looking back on my first year college experience, I expect my missing roommate’s opinion was that she was an adult, it was none of my business where she was, and she had no obligation to inform me of where she slept. It would have been nice if she did so, but we were not friends, like in this case, and she did not wish to share. I wasn’t worried about her safety, and I suppose she wasn’t worried about mine either. All types of roommates in this world.
@3puppies thanks for your kind words. I didn’t mean to imply that RAs were ill-trained, only that when in a really challenging situation, their training may not be sufficient to compensate for their lack of life experience. In the case I mentioned, D and her roommate later found out that the girl who went home was seriously mentally ill. I’m guessing that in the two days before they found out why she was gone, the RA was consulting with her adviser on how (or if) to tell the remaining residents without compromising the girl’s privacy. And she herself might not have found out right away that the student had gone home. When my D had her own medical crisis her senior year, the other students in her res hall didn’t all know for several days why she was gone, and my DH had to field texts on her phone while she was in the hospital.
@roycroftmom I agree with you basic premise about these students being adults.
However, it appears that this student hasn’t been back to his room for weeks and all his stuff is there. Untouched.
I would hope the roommate asked about the student with the RA. It’s just common sense and basic courtesy.