When to worry about missing roommate

So, talked to my college freshman and he casually mentions that his roommate hasn’t been home in weeks. Like, took his electronics but otherwise, nothing has been touched. Definetly hasn’t come in to grab clothes from his full closet or a towel or books or anything. He seemed unconcerned and said “maybe it’s a frat thing.” (No frat living quarters and I think rush happened back in January.) no one has come looking for him. He has a car so it’s possible he went home but like, he lives a couple states over so not like he’s going back and forth.

They aren’t friends and rarely talk, doesn’t even have his number but also no fighting or roommate issues. Am I an odd-ball for thinking he should at least touch base with the R.A.? Is this a guy thing to disappear and not say anything?

You’re right. A mention to the R.A. is in order.

I agree ^

Absolutely. This morning.

Ooh, yes. Mention to RA. Yikes.

Uh, yeah. I would also mention it asap. Hopefully, he just relocated, since he took his electronics, but to not come back for anything is scary.

Why is this even a question?

People don’t up and leave without taking clothes and some personal items with them. When to worry about a missing roommate? When they disappear without taking things with them, most certainly within the first week.

ASAP, and if he won’t, you need to.

My roommate, sophomore year, disappeared after the first week of second semester. I don’t remember if I talked to the RA or not. I hope I did. A few weeks later I came back to the room and everything was gone. She dropped out of school, apparently. This was before cell phones and I had no way to contact her. Hopefully it is something like this that is happening with the OP’s son.

As an aside, a really poor job is being done educating kids to speak up and get involved in real life situations. This is crazy to me.

Talk to the RA immediately! That’s crazy to me too! My daughter and her roommates start texting each other if someone is out later than 30 minutes past when they were expected.

My D was in a triple her first year. She and her roommate shared a room, there was a center room with all the desks and bookcases, and a third girl, a sophomore, had her own room on the other side of the study. They didn’t know her that well, as she kept to herself, but one day, she disappeared. All of her stuff was there.

After two days, D and her roommate reported the girl missing to the RA. The RA told them their roommate had gone home on medical leave.

This is not normal. Kind of sad that the student didn’t say anything earlier to someone. The only reason I wouldn’t be extremely concerned is because after a few weeks, I would assume the other student’s family would have by then demanded action if they hadn’t heard from the student.

My D and her freshman roommate didn’t like each other, but they texted if one was going to be away for the weekend, etc… It seems sensible that if you live in the same space with someone, you should at least have a way to get in touch with each other.

He should have notiified the RA days ago. I’m surprised that in Massmom’s case no one notified her daughter that her roommate had left.

Since the roommate has been gone for weeks, I doubt anything bad has happened since his family/friends surely would have raised the alarm by now. Most likely the roommate dropped out of school or has gone on leave. Still, OP’s son should notify the RA ASAP just to be on the safe side.

@mathmom, yes. D and her roommate were kind of angry that the RA hadn’t said anything. But it may have been that she didn’t realize how much she could disclose and chose to stay quiet. RAs are just kids, after all.

I can understand that for privacy reasons , a school night not be able to say exactly why a student is not around(mental health, medical issues for instance),but it seems odd that no one has even said a thing at all to the OP’s son about the other kid’s status. The school must not need the space if they haven’t moved in another student yet. He needs to talk to the RA ASAP. Sounds very odd.

There may be nothing to discuss. Maybe he has moved in with a girl/boyfriend, or maybe he is home figuring out what he wants to do. One of my frosh roommates hooked up the first month of school and I never saw her again. I guess she was content to leave her stuff there and her parents paid the bill for the dorm room.

One of my kids had a roommate who was never there. BUT the difference was…others saw the student at classes and around the campus.

I agree…talk to the RA immediately.

Was anyone else on the floor friendly with this student? Maybe they have seen the student around campus.