<p>CGM – you’ve given me the best laugh of the day!!!</p>
<p>TheDad – Miracle of Miracles – we agree! </p>
<p>“…the decision she made as a free adult was stronger than one made under parental imposition as a young teen.” I agree with that sentiment, and I believe that true faith will find a way. You can teach your children the foundations of faith, but you can’t make them feel it – that comes from within themselves.</p>
<p>I have had a somewhat related experience, though not with my children–with my in-laws. My in-laws were strictly observant but allowed their youngest child, my husband, to go to college in a less rigorous environment than they were comfortable with. One must respect them for that, because it gave him a chance to grow intellectually and socially in a way he might not have done if he had stayed home for college, and he had started to grow away from their beliefs in high school (religious high school) in any case, though they may not have realized it. In the decades that followed, however, they were never able to accept that although he did not observe their faith the way they felt he should and the way they did, he was and is an honorable and moral person, as worthy of their respect as their sincerely religious middle child and more deferential but not religious oldest child. It tainted their relationship with him, with me, and with our children. The lack of respect they showed for us was a very negative commentary on the narrowness of their particular view of the world and caused a permanent rift in the family. It sounds as though you are handling this situation much better and I hope you and your D continue to have a wonderful, loving, and mutually respectful relationship.</p>
<p>Citygirlsmom, what relevance is your story to OP’s topic?</p>
<p>Are you inferring going to main-stream church is like going to Sun Muyung Moon’s cult ?</p>
<p>ummmm, no, it was a little story about teenagers and navite’…it was something that happened</p>
<p>when did I say anything even remotely like what you inferred? my niece was approaced by moonies, who even had business cards, and she had no clue…come on, if you can’t see the humor, well, move along</p>
<p>relevenance to OP topic- not perfectlly on topic, as is your post, just a little anecdote about teenagers- that was kind of funny</p>
<p>if you read my first post, perhaps you will see what is relevant</p>
<p>sometimes, stories are just that, stories, and someone got it, if you didn’t then just ignore it</p>
<p>ps- this happened in San Francisco at Union Square</p>
<p>SJMom, I’ve been meaning to ask…is the SJ an endorsement of the Jesuits? Or are we talking San Jose here…inquiring minds and all that. :)</p>
<p>No, TheDad – just some initials. I’m from So. Cal, by the way, but now live on the east coast.</p>
<p>Speaking of the Unitarian Church, as was mentioned above, the one in my town has the following on its sign: “Unquestioned answers are much more dangerous than unanswered questions.” Sounds like your daughter is a questioner.</p>
<p>A member of our temple asked our rabbi what we could do to get the teenagers back involved in services. He replied that teens’ spiritual needs are very different than those of adults, and they have different concerns. With a good grounding in their faith, they frequently come back.</p>
<p>CGM – I liked your story!</p>
<p>Thank you all so much for your very thoughtful replies. It has been very nice to read all of the responses and gave me encouragement that I am doing the right thing. I did feel as though I was doing the right thing. Something like that is not something you should force on your teenager.</p>
<p>Also, someone mentioned that perhaps she may NOT return to beliefs we tried to instill in her as a child. I had already come to terms with that and have realized that is possible. Though of course I would love for to believe as we believe, if she never does, I will love her just as much and accept it. I love her and will always respect her feelings and allow her to become her own person. I feel like this: As a parent, you teach them, guide them, provide love and their needs, and then there comes a time where you step back and let them decide for themselves about things. Faith and what she wants to become professionally are two of those things especially.</p>
<p>Anyway, I wanted to thank you all for your replies. I enjoyed them SO much!</p>
<p>Nitpicky things first:
</p>
<p>That was in response to Schroedinger. Einstein later admitted to being wrong on that count. :p</p>
<p>Nitpicking out of the way…</p>
<p>I was one of those kids who left the church in her teens. A lot of it was just lack of faith and the same scientific questioning. Some of it was really mixed up with the problems of the Catholic Church - like the fact that they consider anyone who dies before baptism to be damned. I’m sorry, but I missed the part of religion where other people determine your salvation or lack thereof. And the lack of female priests, married priests, or any way that a woman can influence the order of the church. Anyway… my parents were quasi-understanding. I do wish they had discussed it with me - because unanswered questions end up making you feel as if there are no answers at all. </p>
<p>Many scientists have a lot of faith. There is, however, a vast gulf between faith and religion. You can try to bridge that for your daughter - some of which may involve finding a different religion. I take the attitude that there are thousands of different religions and a zillion ways to practice them - find one that works for you. Some religions are too overburdened with “stuff” (literal readings of the Bible; socio-political goals, etc) for a lot of people - but there are other religions which don’t come so encumbered. There are (obviously) a lot of differences between parishes - I much prefer my grandfather’s church to the one my parents attend. Help your D to explore other options, if she wishes.</p>
<p>You are doing a great job. Any kid raised by a parent with your caring and compassion will have a healthy attitude towards religion.</p>
<p>I’m with cangel and sjm2329 ~ The values you’ve instilled in her are there, just hidden in shadows as she finds her true self. She must separate, and on the surface denying these overt ties is a part of that. In time, the spirituality returns in some form. Be of love and good faith.</p>
<p>I’m a student.</p>
<p>Salem, it sounds as if you are doing exactly what you should be doing. Let her find her own way, but let her know your way, as well. A questioning kid like yours may or may not go back to her former beliefs, as if seems you understand. As your daughter becomes an adult, you will need to transition to relate to her on an adult level. This includes you two holding different opinions about politics, raising children, priorities, God, or whatever else. Just like any two adults, you and your daughter are bound to disagree on topics. You may feel disappointed that she will not find the joy or comfort in religion that you have found, but feel sure she will find it in other arenas. Your daughter sounds like a great kid, and you should be proud of her no matter what.</p>
<p>A lot of people here are saying that she will go back to your beliefs after this phase has run its course. She may return to full on Christianity or may take the faith without the Church (while still giving to Church charities, for example), if you get my meaning. She may also leave religion behind as a thing of her childhood. I was raised Catholic. My whole family is Catholic, and I attended CCD classes for ten or eleven years. I left the Church, and I am never going back. I stayed in for a couple years after realizing that I was gay, and I had some sort of faith for a while after I left, but I simply do not need religion in my life. It’s that simple. I’m still culturaly Catholic (i.e. I cried when the pope died; I appreciate Latin masses; I’m fond of the tradition), but I do not believe, and I never will. Some people do lose religion as kids and never get it back. </p>
<p>Feel free to sit down and talk to your daughter about her feelings, your feelings, et cetera openly. She may also enjoy reading books about faith and science. I have none to suggest, but I am sure they exist. You can also suggest having her talk to the pastor/priest/minister about her feelings; I’m sure he has heard it before, and if he’s good he should be a great resource. </p>
<p>Good luck.</p>
<p>Ariesathena, according to Einstein’s observation, did God played dice with the universe or not ? </p>
<p>I am confused and courious.</p>
<p>Okay, explanation time:</p>
<p>Schroedinger postulated his basic theory (you know - how electrons move about, probability densities v. them actually being where they are, and most of this all being based on chance - analogized to a cat in a box, if you’ve heard of that).</p>
<p>Einstein was having none of that. Not knowing where electrons are? Matter could be anywhere - it just depends on chance? “God does not play dice with the universe!”</p>
<p>Well, Einstein was wrong - Schroedinger’s theory was correct. </p>
<p>It just always cracks me up when people take that quote out of context - because it was Einstein’s way of stating his theory at the time, a theory which later turned out to be incorrect. It’s like someone saying, “God does not make the earth revolve around the sun!”</p>
<p>Thanks for the ex. Having put away my science books long ago and , I vaguely remember electrons in matters in solid-state maintain electrostatic balance in fixed positions. Does Schroedinger’s postulate only apply to gas and liquid and organic’s ?</p>
<p>I think aries is going way subatomic; at the string theory level there’s quite a bit of randomness… (don’t ask me to explain it I can only grasp it for about 5 seconds at a time when the book is IN my hand.)</p>