<p>My brother lives very frugally. We’re talking the French economy here, and a very high rate of unemployment. In fact, his job is by no means secure (he’s in computers). And forget about being self-employed. He’s tried it. Two clients went bankrupt and left him with unpaid accounts receivables; one partner cheated him out of large sums of money. A real tale of woe.</p>
<p>Reading that article, though, I did not get the feeling that the young women being interviewed were contemplating living below their means.
The quote I reposted reminded me of Robrym’s comments on perfect parents trying to raise perfect children. </p>
<p>Sac: My brother is highly educated; his wife is a talented graphic designer. With the French economy in bad shape, graphic design is not seen as a necessary expenditure by most companies. So the family depends on his one salary. And as I wrote above, his job is by no means secure. The one redeeming feature is that French higher education is free.</p>
<p>Alas, life does not always cooperate. At one time, there were plenty of Ph.D.s who drove taxis around here.</p>
<p>Marite, I’m really sorry if that sounded like a criticism of your brother and his family. It sounds like her area of expertise is not in need; that sounds more like circumstances than a selfish choice. But I don’t presume to know; obviously, as family, you perceive a problem there. hopefully, they can work toward an equitable solution.</p>
<p>No, life does not always cooperate, which is why I added it to the list. Some people are really unlucky. We don’t have control over economies, over our health, over cheating business associates. We can only try to accumulate enough skills to be flexible. Plenty of PhDs drive taxis around here, too, and the rest became contractors. :)</p>
<p>At least some European countries (don’t know about France) do offer some safety nets: universal health care, government sponsored retraining, free higher education, extended family leaves, childcare, that we don’t have here. I think behind some of this discussion is the fact that in this country, along with our opportunities, we face risk pretty much alone, and more and more risk is being shifted onto individuals. Our kids face a job market with decreasing health care and pension benefits, escalating education and housing costs. If we don’t plan well, they might also have to take care of us! </p>
<p>I hope the young women quoted in the article do end up with the luxury of making the choices they envision themselves being able to make. I’m glad they are not talking about having babies BEFORE law school, in any case.</p>
<p>Ivyalumni -
“As a man, I have noticed that most women don’t respect me if I don’t earn more than them and that they would not respect me if I was not working (choosing instead to stay at home).”</p>
<p>Ivy - you’ve gotta start hanging with women that aren’t so shallow! My husband in an academic field that does not pay well. I respect his committment to it, and we have, as partners in life, worked things out. As others have commented, where is a correlation between income and ‘respect’ - but what an ephemoral thing prestige is.</p>
<p>OT…In every other country, only top academic students are allowed into architecture schools. </p>
<p>In the US, talent rules; ie many architecture students were NOT stellar academics in secondary school <em>coughs</em>.</p>
<p>Imagine the American architect’s surprise as they are treated with an automatic deferential respect around the globe! </p>
<p>Of course, that deference can backfire. There is a firm here which REQUIRES staff to wear all-black clothing to work. The four partners drive black Porsches and only black Porsches. They’ve taken the serious intellectual thing a bit too far…hahaha.</p>
<p>I am not criticising my SIL (who is absolutely wonderful). I am trying to suggest that there is a huge burden associated with having only one breadwinner in the family. It is a strain both for the person who does not earn and the person who does. </p>
<p>Sac, France has that safety net, although it also means that employers are very reluctant to hire new staff. A fired employee has the right to 70% of his or her salary for one year. But even that 70% cushion is cold comfort since one knows other employers are reluctant to hire. </p>
<p>On a happier note, a friend of ours who was in international banking decided to call it quits when he realized how much his health was being affect by stress . Luckily for him, his wife worked; though she did not earn anywhere near his salary, her income allowed him to spend some time casting about a new line of work that was less stressful (and less well-paying). </p>
<p>Cheers: I know plenty of intellectuals, and plenty of them wear all black; but no one I know drives a Porsche, let alone a black one. :(</p>
<p>we have porsches in our blue collar neighborhood- I like them much more than the Minis that are also very popular( oh sorry that wasn’t a slam)
The only people that I know however that regularly wear black aren’t “intellectuals” but goths and ladies who think that black is slimming</p>
<p>( i just looked up how much they retail for- maybe it isn’t a blue collar neighborhood after all?)</p>
<p>My husband and I are constantly amazed by the people around here. The men are forty-sixtysomethings, retired, with young, working wives…what a deal! (says my husband who works 60 hr. weeks with an old, non working wife!)</p>
<p>Marite–okay, I am not communicating well. I meant it sounded like I was criticizing them, and I was, unsuccessfully, apologizing. I truly do hope that they can find a way that works for them and takes the burden off your brother.</p>
<p>Don’t worry about it, it’s okay.
I had major surgery twice in the last 15 years. Both times I worried about what would happen to my family. I was replaceable in my line of work, but not as a wife or mother. But I also worried about the immense burden my H would have to shoulder alone if I had to stop working or died. As things turned out, in the last 15 years, he was laid off several times. I was thankful for all of us that I was able to provide a cushion. It’s something that families that live off only one paycheck do not have. As for my brother, I think that if my SIL were able to contribute, however, modestly, but on a more regular basis, to the family finances, they would all feel better. Their income might not be much higher, but the family dynamics would be different. The problem now is that she is no longer competitive against new graduates.</p>
<p>Marite, the young wives have kids who are usually school age by now…“young” is all relative…they’re 30 somethings (2nd wives) with the older husbands…but the husbands don’t really help with the child care…too busy golfing!</p>
<p>Dke: So the young wives are also working outside the home and caring for the kids. What a great deal for the husbands, and what a bad deal for the wives/mothers/working women.</p>
<p>Go figure, Marite, couldn’t agree with you more…there’s also the retired guys with the older (2nd) wives where the wife wanted a baby but he’s “been there, done that” so even though the wives aren’t working outside the home the husbands do ZILCH because they didn’t want the second brood in the first place…the deals people make…</p>
<p>“I am trying to suggest that there is a huge burden associated with having only one breadwinner in the family. It is a strain both for the person who does not earn and the person who does.” </p>
<p>Couldn’t agree with you more Marite - it’s why I have some ambivalence communicating to my daughter that the right thing to do is stay home with your kids. My husband lost his job as an advertising art director about 5 years after I quit freelancing in the same field. It was a very scary time. He bounced back and is making a good living but there is always a sense of insecurity to it with rising health care costs, now at $1300 per month just for the premiums, and a son in college. We just keep lowering our standard of living and reprioritizing from time to time, but it is not easy. </p>
<p>Advertising and probably graphic design was one of the hardest hit industries in the last five years so I’m not sure your SIL’s plight is unique to France. It’s one of the reasons I chose not to go back to that field. It is very much a young persons field even if you are talented. We know plenty of people who have survived to our age, my husband for one, but it is a changed world. We just heard about a young writer working at one of the ad agencies in town who is working for $15/hr. This is an agency that was one of THE hottest agencies in the country in the eighties. Most freelancers make anywhere from $50 to $150/hr to give you a perspective of how awful that pay is.</p>
<p>I hope my son meets a wonderful career woman that can support him. I don’t want him and his family living in my basement when he is 40 years old… :)</p>
<p>1Sokkermom, same here. BUt I also tell him to find an heiress, so he could do whatever he wanted to! :)</p>
<p>Just kidding, but wouldn’t his marrying a Rockefeller or Vanderbiilt be nice. …
But then I think, maybe we as parents would become invisible to him if he married a Vanderbilt… :)</p>