@lastone03 Maybe it wouldn’t bother me so much if it weren’t always elite private schools that are valorized. Isn’t this forum devoted to being more realistic about colleges? Never once did I see anyone valorize a CC, a CalState, or UCI or UCR, which are the schools the vast majority of the students attend. If you wonder why kids feel entitled and then disappointed, you have to widen your scope of inquiry. Of course, it’s good to inspire kids. But how about inspiring them about the actual subject matter, instead of the football teams? I would pay good money to hear the principal valorize the awesome debate team at the local community college that just beat the pants off a bunch of 4-year universities.
@gallentjill, re your “lottery” comment, i have to disagree a bit. One of the great things about college dreams (whether " I’m going to an Ivy League college" or “I’m going to be an MD” or whatever) is that they are usually NOT as farfetched as dreaming of winning the lottery, winning an Olympic gold medal, receiving an Academy Award, or being an astronaut. The odds are MUCH better that most college dreams will come true, and you are in control of a lot of it by studying hard and getting the right ECs.
And keep in mind that not all college dreams involve programs with single-digit acceptance rates. Some people dream of being a business major at USC or of playing the trumpet for the Ohio State marching band.
At 8 yrs old I wanted to play center forward for Man Utd and get a bike for Xmas.
Of course it usually starts with parents. I knew how to sing “Fair Harvard” and “With Crimson In Triumph Flashing” before I was 10. My parents took me to see it when I was 11. It didn’t make Harvard my “dream school,” though . . . it was just the place all my smart cousins went, and some of the smartest people at my school. Including the genius/football player/lead guitarist with long hair and a super-cool girlfriend whom my friends and I all wanted to grow up to be when we were in seventh grade and he was a senior.
But it’s not just parents or families or sexy upperclassmen. At my kids’ high school, on orientation day in 9th grade, kids and parents were in small groups, and one of the challenges was to name all of the Ivy League colleges. Not kidding! The school was a large-ish, extremely diverse, urban public academic magnet. The administration and alumni were very focused on its illustrious history and its success in sending all graduates to college and many to elite institutions. They pounded the message into the kids from Day One, that they should be aspiring to be the best, and that meant going to one of a handful of colleges.
I never dreamed of going to college. I just viewed it as a necessary thing you had to go through to get a degree before you start to do your real thing in the real world.
Now which school could that be 
I’m pretty sure my D has dreamed of attending Oxford since reading the Golden Compass series (along with the supplement) as a young girl.
In my son’s case it was the grandparents always talking about his older cousin, a “genius” of the family who went to MIT.
We only see it in certain circles to be honest. At the kids alternative high schools (duel enrollment for one and project based charter for the other) there was very, very little focus on “dream school.” Kids who had a “dream school” either had a very sensible choice they’d most likely get or they had some wild option they didn’t qualify for and honestly knew very little about. Certain activities that attract kids from wealthier families, professional parents, often elite private high schools… those kids always have “dream schools.”
I think it comes from parents and the circles you float in. CC twists the real world of kids applying for college. I don’t think most are trying to get into NYU with no money. Most are trying to get into state school… maybe state school a couple hours away if they have more funds. Put it this way, almost ever single musical theatre friend the kids had are in private, more selective universities and almost all their classmates are in community or in-state public’s.
Visiting the parents’ alma mater (Harvard) made both my kids convinced they didn’t want to go there. We used to joke for the oldest that he’d probably enjoy that school down the river more. As a computer nerd we ran into stuff coming out of Media Lab while he was still in elementary school - I think it was on his radar starting in middle school He didn’t get in. Carnegie Mellon, where he ended up, wasn’t on his radar until he was a senior.
D wanted to go Harvard after reading Teddy Roosevelt’s biography as a 9 year old, but later when she learned how hard and the amount of work to get there, she automatically excluded herself from thinking about it anymore.
My parents were both immigrants who didn’t go to college but made sure I understood the importance of a college education. They didn’t push me towards Ivies or anything; my college dreams came from what I saw and heard.
Too often, I read these posts from these bright high school kids who have this “DREAM” about going to a particular school. 9 times out of 10, when I ask them what their career plans are, they have no idea. That’s actually a very sad scenario. They spent so much time fantasizing about this school and pressuring themselves to be “better” than everyone else, their real dreams have been replaced. They’re placing their entire self worth on a school…that has a 95% rejection rate.
Before parents spend $250k on a bachelors degree to feed unhealthy emotions, we need to bust a few myths.
U.S. News rankings are opinions, not facts.
Selectivity only means selective, not better.
“Better” is a matter of opinion.
The career world actually works through collaboration, not competition.
Most employers are small to midsize companies that prefer to hire locally and regionally.
Job offers are based on skill and knowledge, not college brand name.
Excessive student debt can cripple your future.
There’s no benefit to paying triple for going out of state.
Dreaming is a good thing. Dreaming for wrong reasons isn’t. Dreaming without being informed isn’t. Dreaming without proper guidance isn’t. Dreaming without one’s own self-awareness isn’t.
Novels can also be a big influence for kids who read a lot. My daughter heard about Sarah Lawrence from one of her novels when she was about 10, and decided that was the school for her. She didn’t end up there, but for a long time, she was sure she would!
I completely understand this and 100% agree with you.
Also, in New England, kids see college sweatshirts and bumper stickers everywhere.Those messages sink in.
I was born with burnt orange blood, so I had to go to UT!
" The Paper Chase - good one, haven’t thought about that in a long time."
Outdoor college scenes in the Paper Chase TV series (not the movie) were shot at USC.
As long as my kid’s dream school isn’t Hudson University, I think we’ll all be okay. (That’s for the Law and Order fans out there!)
I agree that the biggest influences seem to be family, sports and popular culture. Perhaps a lot of the elite seeking kids are hoping for a Hogwarts-like experience.
Anyway, I have always tried to convey to my kids that a ‘dream school’ is a little like a ‘dream wedding’. It’s nice, but what comes after is more important. jmo