Where do many UMD students move to after they graduate...

The_Fairfaxian · June 10, 2009, 4:42pm

…because for many reason that I have stated in earlier posts, I have just about had my fill with the general student population. It seems that in general, the rate of maturity of students here are stagnant, the cliques that were formed during freshmen year are going to be what many people stay in after college, and the general ethnocentrism, arrogance, and snobbishness isn’t going away anytime soon from this population. I realize many of them tend to stay around the DC area for jobs. And since the economy is in shambles, it doesn’t look like I can currently move somewhere else across the country like I was intending or wanted to.

So as for current UMD students and UMD alumni, I would just like to know where many of them go to after college (the neighborhoods and cities) so that I personally go somewhere else and can get a fresh start and not have to worry about the baggage I’m facing right now, all while at the same time have plenty of young people to socialize with! I’ve been here for over three years, and when I can meet and make more friends easier in ONE semester at my original university compared to THREE years at UMD (my home state school btw) all while running into a-holes, airheads, bigots, and trust-fund elitist kids on a consistent basis, I pretty much get the “message”. All I ask is a place where I can live the live-and-let-live life and where all of you don’t have to “tolerate” me anymore! It seems that nearly all places dominated by young people (Arlington, Alexandria, Uptown DC, Bethesda, Silver Spring, etc) have the same snobbish/cliquey/materialistic/arrogant/xenophobic mentality I’ve dealt while in UMCP. I tried taking a positive perspective from the few people who gave some encouraging advice, but after being the target of constant ostracizing and targeted malice, I get the message! MARYLAND (AND THE NORTHEAST/MID-ATLANTIC REGIONS) WILL NEVER SEE ME AS AN EQUAL AND WANTED PART OF THEIR SOCIETY/CLIQUE/POPULATION!!!

As for those few UMD students and alumni who aren’t like the stereotypical DC yuppie, if anyone can tell me where they would recommend living (whether a non-snobbish place in the DC area or somewhere else), I would be most appreciate.

bigmike5000 · June 10, 2009, 10:48pm

if youre looking for attention, you are in the wrong place. if you are looking for answers, you wont get any by insulting the people youre asking.

bulletandpima · June 11, 2009, 1:52pm

Fairfaxian, you do realize that your post could be taken in a very offensive manner? I am not sure of how you have been slighted and offended, but if you continue with a brash attitude, doors will not open and you will quickly feel the world is against you.

The reality is you transferred as a JR, and you are upset that your peers did not open their arms and accept you in as one of their own. They showed up together as young 18 yr olds, many never living away from their childhood friends. They grasped and clung on to each other while they learned the ropes and navigated a huge campus. They ate meals with them, crammed for finals. sat in the pouring rain at a Terp football game and stood at Comcast for the best BBALL upset ever! They have memories and a friendship, and you seem to resent that fact. The fact that your peers built a life while you bounced around trying to find where you want to be is now being misplaced upon them.

Most of these grads will scatter to the wind and not remain friends, except for the occassional holiday/birth announcement. However, they will be like Bullet and myself and take their own kids to Terp football games, have the adorable pic of their kids riding Testudo, because they have fond memories of their yrs.

Here are 3 quick questions:

Why did you transfer as a jr? You have stated you were at a four yr college, why didn’t you do it freshman yr? WHy the wait?

<ol>
<li>Have you taken a deep mature look inside of yourself, and asked why do you give 2 craps about them? You are there for the degree, the friendships are a bonus. Trust me, as a parent of a 19 yr old, I can promise you, the chances of remaining BFF’s are slim to none. You will get a job, married and have children, they will too, but not necessarily at the same time.</li>
<li>Your moniker is Fairfaxian, and you comment about Arlington and ALexandria, since both of these cities are in Fairfax VA, I assume you are very well aware of the area. You should realize that these areas are similiar to big cities, nod your head hello to your neighbor in recognition, but don’t expect a dinner invite.</li>
</ol>

Finally, I don’t know what your major is, but here is a business etiquette rule, watch what you say, because it could be a career killer. You can volunteer 100 times to do over time and never get promoted, but you could volunteer 1x and see the door!

The_Fairfaxian · June 11, 2009, 6:59pm

to bulletandpima:

1) First, I didn’t transfer here as a junior, but during my second semester freshmen year (spring 2006). And even then, the cliquey attitudes were exceptionally noticeable, verses sophomore year when I would’ve anticipated it. Second, the reason why I transferred from my original four-year college was for one reason: finances! Maryland was in-state for my situation. As for the reason why I didn’t start at Maryland (even though I was accepted to the school to start off as a freshmen) was because of my fear that I would be going through the same crap as what I went through in High School (unlike many of these “nationally-renowned” high schools around the DC area where academics were taken seriously and everyone’s chill and cool with one another, I went to a high school that had the “average social-patriarchal” high school system you see on TV).

2) I realize that I’m primarily there for the degree, but if you look at where many people start their “lives,” it’s in college! It’s where they get the chance to be themselves. It’s the places where they meet friends who’ll remain for life. It’s the place where people who didn’t have social lives beforehand due to the high school bull**** politics can finally have a social and dating life. It’s the place where everyone seems to meet their wife or husbands. It’s where one finds out who they really are and grows up significantly. I was on the verge of doing those things when I was at my original college, but ever since I transferred, all of those social aspects that many are literally spoon fed during their “best four years” were more than out of my reach. I’ll admit that I have a heavily bitter feeling, not necessarily against the normal students who enjoyed their years at Maryland, but that I never received a piece of what it’s really like to be a “Terp,” or just a college student in general. I realize that my life isn’t over due to this setback; that I will have a great social life and get married, have kids & grandchildren, grow old with my spouse, etc. But it just seems that I have an excessive amount of forlorn luck while being in this area. It seems that the further I’m away from the DC area, particularly MD and DC itself (the places where I had a horrible childhood and lackluster college experience), the better off I’ll be, especially socially. And the situation isn’t made better by being on the verge of having an Economics degree yet not being able to attain a decent job, even one that requires a relocation (which I am more than willing to do), but I suppose that’s just more of the current state of the economy than anything else.

Sorry if the tone originally came as rude, but my experience with many college students who were graduating from UMD seems like they’re just gonna do their damnedest to stay with their cliques or at least not open up to anyone new. And if that’s the case, I’d just rather not be in their way. If you go to city-data website and see some of the most discussed threads on the Washington DC/Northern VA forums, it’s alluding to what my fears are about the twenty-somethings of the DC area.

bulletandpima · June 12, 2009, 9:07am

Well first of all if your degree is in econ, unless you are going o work on the hill or IRS or Treasury, than you really should be in NY since that is the finnacal epicenter. However, you should realize that any big city is going to be cold and uninviting. The majority of people go into work, do their job and come home, it is a rarity that they hang out after work.

Second of all, even schools like TJ, Sidwell and Gonzaga where acadaemics are taken to the all time level, kids will be kids and they make cliques. It is a fact of life. It is how society works. When you enter the corporate world you will see that it happens there too. We have cliques in my office, and sub sets of cliques. Cliques form because of common bonds…i.e. age, political beliefs, where you are from, what you do in your free time, or general dislike for a particular co-worker (sorry, but that is the harsh truth)etc. This is absolute life. I have never worked in an environment where there wasn’t a clique, and I have worked in many fields. You may chose to believe it isn’t that way, but than you are in denial. You will graduate along with everybody else and go and work for some company, just like everybody else, when you enter that building on your first day, you have the ability to put yourself all out there or crawl into a shell. Don’t expect people to run with open arms to greet you, they willbe professional and polite, but it is your job to insert yourself. You will see that there are office cliques, they eat lunch together, congregate around one persons desk, and offer to buy sodas/coffees for each other. This is just life and that is how it rolls. DC/VA/MD people are no different than Raleigh/Cary/Triangle NC people.

I will tell you my cousin grad. from Georgetown 7 yrs ago, at first she hung with other classmates, b/c she still lived in DC, but than she moved to NoVA and saw them less frequently, then she got married and saw them less frequently, now she is having a baby and moved again, so it is even less. SHe has other committments, husband, baby on the way, work, new neighbors, and there is limited time to hang with friends. Some of them are not married yet, so the relationship has changed because a mtg of 700K, a husband, a baby all seem insane, and who wants to go out drinking on a friday night with a pregnant woman? Thus, she has beasically grown and found new people. People who understand her lifestyle. That is how cliques begin and end. When you slowly evolve your relationship with others will either thrive because they are evolving with you or it wil wither.

My 2 very best friends in the world did not go to college with me, I didn’t even meet them until I was 30. My best friend from college worked with me for 2 yrs, was in my wedding, is my youngest sons godmother, but I now speak to her maybe 2x a yr. My eldest is a Terp, her eldest hasn’t even completed 4th grade. The only thing we have in common now is the fact that we were college roommates and worked together, almost 20 yrs ago. I still love and adore her, but we are on 2 different paths right now. The thought of the cost of college is abstract, but for me just yesterday I received the annual if you want use the Terp payment plan. She will be packing up her son this August for sleep away camp for 1 week and driving him there. Crying as she drops him off and saying to her husband I can’t believe we just sent our eldest away for the 1st time. At the very same time, my dining room will become the collection point to gather our ds’s crap for his sleep away camp, except his is UMD for 9 months. So you see even the best of friends will move into other circles because of the lifestyles they lead. If I didn’t go to college with her, we would never be friends, we no longer have anything in common. I have my group of friends which I hang with, she has hers.

End of my welcome to the real world lesson :)

umcp11 · June 12, 2009, 9:14am

I’m a VERY firm believer in the saying, “People are people.”

While communities in the U.S. certainly vary in terms of their jobs, educational level, religious beliefs, social practices, etc. the soul of the human heart is the same in any given population. Yes, there are some communities where being Jewish or black or gay is seen as wrong, but in a major metropolitan area like DC, and at a major state university (where many, many types of people go because of “finances”, NOT just yourself) it is just NOT the case that there will be an unusually large amount of ignorant or cliquish people.

I was an outcast in HS. I blamed the cliques, the “cool kids,” my shyness, my sense of style, anything and everything I could. I was discriminated against because of my sexuality. I became very down.

Since coming to UMD, I have found that many people have matured. And I have found that many people have not. That is life. Some people grow up and some people stay young, in good ways but in bad ways, too. I have many friends. My friends at MD have their flaws, but they are unique, they are loyal and loving, they are my friends. I hate the “typical” college scene like sports and could really do without the drinking as well. I’m better than I was in HS, but I’m still socially awkward and afraid to start a conversation. But for some reason, I don’t have the attitude you do about this college. I wonder why that is? I’ve found that I’ve matured, too, I think. I have tried to feel better about myself, and about others. And I have accepted the fact that many, many people in this world are mean, evil, etc. and at the same time many people are courageous and loving (just look at the news). Every day is an adventure and I am not afraid of it, even if I face setbacks in my life - such as having a hard time making friends, as you, or any other kind of hardship, which has occurred and will invariably occur again, for whatever reason - attitude, luck, etc.

Honestly, it’s a little odd for you to continually post disparaging messages on a forum like this. I know you have made many posts about it before. It’s downright weird, man, no offense - and I’m a pretty weird person myself, so I’m a bit more understanding than most, but really: Every sane person knows “*******s” don’t congregate in a particular metropolitan area. MAYBE a particular neighborhood or profession (some rich California Stepford mom suburb perhaps, or high up in the tobacco industry or something lol?) but in 100s of square miles of immigrants and people who were born there and people who came there and politicians and students and professionals and artists and mechanics and etc etc.? Really? Really? Sorry if you sound a little off your rocker!! First it starts with UMD being full of jerks (unlikely, but ok), then DC and Northern Virginia? Then wherever you move next, I’m sure, if you start off on the wrong foot there. Soon the whole world! The ridiculousness of it makes me think your posts are some UMD student messing around. I hope so!

If not: Well, good luck buddy. But I don’t see a particularly bright future for you - anywhere - if you don’t make some adjustments in your outlook on life, which (from your posts) seems very mean-spirited (attacking all UMD students, many of whom you have not met, ever), prejudiced and judgmental (making sweeping generalizations of an entire metropolitan area). Ironic, isn’t it, that you despise those very things which you are embodying in this post here?

bulletandpima · June 12, 2009, 9:21am

Fairfaxian,

may I ask this…did you live in the dorms or are you a commuter? Most of the cliques begin with the basis they live with each other…going back to having some commonality. These kids go to class, and then go back to their dorm where they socialize.

The_Fairfaxian · June 12, 2009, 11:16am

Thanks for the advice, but For the record, let me state I realize that there are jerks, mean people, and cliques EVERYWHERE. There were even those kind of people at the school where I transferred from. The thing about it was that while there (and most parts of the country), I didn’t have a problem making friends for various reasons (plentiful of friendly and social people there, personal stigma of my childhood gone, lack of targeted stigma towards blacks in that region and university).

And PS: Is an Economics degree that narrow with the uses. To be honest, I’m not one to look forward with working in places like DC and NYC, but more laid back cities like San Diego, Seattle, Houston, Denver, and Austin (or at least San Francisco where I’m SURE that an Economics degree can get me a related job in that city).

And PS: I did (eventually) live in the dorms from the time I transferred there to the end of junior year. And as for the few roommates who were cool, many of them had their own group of friends from previous years.

umcp11 · June 12, 2009, 11:30am

Don’t move to Seattle, San Francisco, or Austin. Those are all on my possible post-graduation list, including Portland :). DC is also on my list as I consider it fairly laid back besides being politically charged. Then again, San Fran is possibly one of the most politically charged cities in the US, so. Houston is too conservative for me and I didn’t like San Diego too much, so feel free to those places. And Denver just never appealed to me for some reason.

bulletandpima · June 12, 2009, 11:44am

Got to ask, how many times have you moved? There is a ddifference between visiting and living. DS at UMD, attended 8 public schools, from NC to NJ to AK he has had to warp himself over and over again. If you walk in with the belief that they are more open in the cities you mentioned, you will probably be sorely disappointed.

Thos cities are cities, maybe not as fast paced like DC and NYC, but city life is city life. Don’t expect any difference. You will be disappointed. Laid back cities means they aren’t as a cut-throat as NYC/DC, you are fool if you believe that the work environment is different. The only difference is Denver, Houston, Seattle, San Diego, and Austin will apologize to you as they bury the knife in your back.

REAL WORLD LESSON:

It is not what you know, but who you know! You can fight and hate the cards that you were dealt. It is now about how you use the cards you have. Seriously, I can’t tell you how many times I shut up and smiled, because the big pic was worth my silence.

Not to be rude, but it seems like you are creating excuses, and not accepting your own actions. You need to give some more personal info, so we can grasp your other issues that you eluded to, otherwise it appears that you have a chip on your shoulder…i.e it is not me that causes the problem, but them.

umcp11 · June 12, 2009, 12:13pm

“The only difference is Denver, Houston, Seattle, San Diego, and Austin will apologize to you as they bury the knife in your back.”

LOL. This actually plays into what I noticed about San Diego when I visited (and had confirmed by a friend who had moved to SD from MD but had lived in the city for years before we reunited). Everybody says Californian people are so chill and laid back and so much friendlier blahblah. Well, for starters, definitely friendlier than they were in NYC pre 911, but nowadays it’s hard to distinguish between the two in terms of levels of friendliness. And let’s talk about what I mean by “friendliness”. I mean cheerfulness/politeness. And cheerfulness/politeness is really very superficial. I.e. the mean people may be nice to your face but then they talk about you behind your back. It was seen by myself - and my friend - as actually annoyingly fake, rather than refreshing.

So once again, people are people, no matter what city or where in the country you are (though I don’t deny certain small communities may be suffocating in that small size CAN allow for less diversity of opinions - which is why HS was annoying). There are certain superficial things that differ, but the trade-offs in the end weigh out.

Where do many UMD students move to after they graduate...

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