<p>My sons (both successful) are asking where are the good women? They complain of meeting self-centered personalities with one-sided expectations.</p>
<p>My daughters have had no trouble finding good guys. The youngest is only 17, of course, and we don’t allow boyfriends or dating until 16, but the one boyfriend she has had, so far, has been a gentleman, nice manners, comes to the door to get her when he picks her up, comes into the house, speaks to us. Nice guy, nice family.</p>
<p>My oldest has always had boyfriends, relationships, and doesn’t have “hook-ups” and says she actually gets some grief for it. I guess girls who don’t have hook ups are called ‘teases’ or something. People give her boyfriends grief, call them “whipped.” Whatever. She has dated some very nice guys, remained friends with most of them after they broke up, and says the biggest reason girls can’t find good guys is because they don’t date the “good guys,” but hook up with the jerks.</p>
<p>Of course, we taught our girls, “You teach people how to treat you. If you expect to be treated well, you will be.”</p>
<p>So far, I have seen nothing to indicate that there aren’t plenty of great guys for the future, even if nobody wants to get married at 22 anymore. they’ll be okay.</p>
<p>My D had always dated “nice guys”, “good men” while in school, but wasn’t ready for marriage then. For some reason those nice guys are harder to find postgraduate and I am not surprised many young working singles find “nice people” lacking.
Fortunately, she found and will be marrying a nice guy, good man etc. soon.</p>
<p>
</p>
<p>I do not believe that single motherhood in and of itself is creating “messed up” people. I do not believe that the absense of a father, or a mother, is automatically a bad thing. Or that there are more “messed up” people than there used to be. </p>
<p>If my son’s life goes according to his plan, my grandchildren are not going to have a mother but they will have two, loving, involved parents. I’m not worried about my future grandchildren.</p>
<p>Never left.
Told DS to make as much $$$$ now before marriage. And if the wife decides to look for the next “good man” , you’ll still have the mad money. :/</p>
<p>^Wouldn’t a pre nup be easier?</p>
<p>
</p>
<p>Two common complaints I keep hearing from some fellow males are:</p>
<ol>
<li><p>Being treated like a “walking wallet” (a.k.a. Being judged/measured by one’s employment status, type of job, income, professional status). </p></li>
<li><p>Being expected to serve as an emotional venting platform…sometimes for several hours straight, listen to gossip/chatter they feel is more appropriate/of interest to GF’s/wife’s female friends, and/or to serve as an emotional counselor for emotional issues/life problems for which they are ill-equipped to handle due to lack of experience/professional training. </p></li>
</ol>
<p>Regarding 1., I hear this most commonly from those who would be considered highly successful and/or are in highly prestigious jobs/careers. While their accounts are way overblown based on my experience…I did experience a few women who did act this way right after I graduated college and employed at my first job…the first dates in those cases felt almost like a third-degree IRS audit. My solution…drop them like a hot potato and find someone more congenial/less mercenary in their attitudes. </p>
<p>Regarding 2., I have some issues with their associating those issues solely with women as I’ve encountered plenty of fellow males who also had such IMHO excessive expectations. </p>
<p>It is also a YMMV situation as each individual has a different threshold for tolerating those issues and some…especially those who aren’t comfortable dealing with highly charged emotional issues or have lower thresholds tend to have far greater problems with 2 than those with higher thresholds. Heck…this past summer…one older male friend who was undergoing a horrid period in his life was whining/venting so immaturely/with overentitlement on some matters and invading my space when I needed a break from it that I reached my threshold and snapped back about how he’s whining like a spoiled brat and needed to grow up. </p>
<p>Regretted it immediately…even after he agreed with those assessments once he calmed down and thought about it.</p>
<p>"I do not believe that single motherhood in and of itself is creating “messed up” people. I do not believe that the absense of a father, or a mother, is automatically a bad thing. Or that there are more “messed up” people than there used to be. "</p>
<p>=========</p>
<p>“automatically a bad thing”…no. More likely to be a bad thing…yes. You can’t fight the stats on this one. Children raised in single-parent homes are more likely to have a whole host of issues that children raised in two-parent homes are less likely to have. </p>
<p>The crime rate, drug use rate, drop out of school rate, depression rate, poverty rate, etc, etc, are all worse for children who were raised in single-parent homes. Does that mean that a single parent can’t raise great kids…heck no. We’re not talking about individual situations.</p>
<p>“Not so long ago, the average American man in his 20s had achieved most of the milestones of adulthood: a high-school diploma, financial independence, marriage and children.”</p>
<p>I have been around for a while and don’t remember any time when a man in his 20s had achieved most of the milestones of adulthood. The author must be thinking of a time long before my life.</p>
<p>Interestingly, M2CK, although highly educated women will be the first to stand up and defend single mothers, rightfully so, they are the least likely to have children without the benefit of marriage. In fact, the number of college educated single mothers is statisically very insignificant. So, you are simply giving voice to what these educated women know, as well, parenting is a tough job, and it’s good to have some help with it.</p>
<p>On the other hand, women are marrying less educated, less financially well off partners than before, and the number of primary financial contributors in a two person home who are women has gone up significantly and goes up even more the younger the respondents are. So, it will all work itself out, in the end, though it won’t look like it once did. ;)</p>
<p>poetgrl…</p>
<p>You’re very right. Parenting alone is a very tough job to do. Those who are single parents, and do it well, typically have some sort of other support system in place (grandparents, siblings, etc) that help out when another adult is needed.</p>
<p>When my SIL’s jerky H abandoned the family when she was 8 months pregnant with their second child, my in-laws moved my SIL into a home on their street so that they could help parent the children. My in-laws literally were 2 additional parents and I’m sure that contributed to my niece and nephew growing up to be decent adults. My SIL could work full-time and have the peace of mind that her kids were well cared for, got to school on time, etc, etc. When her kids were sick, no need to take any time off from work…Gma and Gpa handled that.</p>
<p>If SIL had not had my in-laws (who not only helped parent, but provided substantial financial support), who knows how her kids would have turned out. The same? I doubt it.</p>
<p>m2ck…</p>
<p>You hold my exact opinion on this matter and there is no one on the planet is going to convince me otherwise.</p>
<p>What is disturbing is that a news article a few weeks ago stated that more than 50 percent of children born to women under the age of 30 in the U.S. are born out of wedlock. The reason is unclear (woman’s choice/man’s choice/mutual choice?), but that marks a huge change in American family structure in a relatively short period of time.</p>
<p>^^^</p>
<p>And that stat is real and does have negative consequences. Why be surprised that when a very large number of kids are born into single parent homes that there would be an increase in kids who grow up to be adults with problems (fewer stable, mature men, fewer stable, mature women). </p>
<p>As mentioned above, children who are raised in single parent homes have a higher incidence of dropping out of school, drug use, depression, criminal behavior, etc. Note that there is a “higher incidence”…not a 100% incidence…and it doesn’t mean that children from 2 parent homes are all perfect saints.</p>
<p>Sookie (?), is pg.</p>
<p>Well, the overwhelming negative impact of one-parent homes really derives from socio-economic hardship, above all. The largest number of people living below the poverty level in this country are single mothers and their children.</p>
<p>Yet another argument for readily available, inexpensive birth control options for young women in this country, imho.</p>
<p>I agree. BCP should be free to all women. The cost of having unwanted kids in this country is staggering.</p>
<p>Birth control is a lot cheaper than kids but you all don’t understand. Just because they were born out of wedlock does not mean the are not wanted. Many of these women don’t want to get married because than they would not get government aid. I have seen many times first hand how some will cut their hours at work to stay within the income guidelines. Sure they cut their income buy a few thousands but net 30k or more in government aid. They see the government as a more secure mate than their boy friends. I don’t know what the answer is because I would never want to see a kid go without food and shelter but we need more men to be real dads and not let them skate.</p>
<p>^^^</p>
<p>Very true… </p>
<p>Many of these babies are born intentionally…not because of a lack of birth control. And, any girl who does find herself pregnant, can always give her baby up for adoption. </p>
<p>Many of these babies are conceived when the mother believes that the father will be around…and soon he’s not.</p>