I’ve seen some first generation immigrants go pretty hard on their kids but, in my view, that’s more understandable than well-educated, successful American-born parents who should know better than to think that the only route to success and happiness is entry into an elite college (i.e., they should have seen their fair share of miserable Ivy League-educated lawyers, bankers, etc.).
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It matters a lot if the kids are being pushed by parents or if it’s the kids that are pulling their parents into this.
My daughter was on the normal math track, learning Calculus by 12th grade. In contrast, my son taught himself algebra in 1st grade to the point that he could solve multiple equations with multiple unknowns. He was attracted to math the way other kids are attracted to sports, always wanting to do more. Because we didn’t want him to only focus upon math, we introduced him to other activities and even though he enjoyed them, his first love was still math and he always came back to it.
So not surprisingly, he was pretty involved in math contests from early on. We also got to know many exceptionally strong math kids at the regional and national level. The time commitment involved is comparable to an intense sport, except that it’s year round. An outsider might look at what these kids do and think it’s a bunch of pushy parents when in reality (at this level anyway), it’s usually the kids that are pushing themselves with the parents trying to find the right balance between being supportive and pulling them back if it becomes too intense. For the most part, the kids are having fun with competing with their peers, just like a sport.
Note that our local public school system limited how much acceleration was possible. The strongest math kids were allowed to finish Calculus in junior year, even though most had learned it years earlier on their own.
Also, after high school, most of these kids ended up doing a major that was closely related to math. Some are actually math majors, while others are doing math-adjacent majors such as CS, Stats, or Physics.
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I didn’t mean all the acceleration is bad. Everyone learns differently and true ability or passion should be encouraged. No reason to hold talented children behind.
The kind of acceleration I heard from my child (from schoolmates) is often comment like
I don’t want to do [insert one of (advanced course, competitions, outside tutoring)] but my mom ask me to…
Sports are also year round. At that is just to make the HS team.
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I’ve seen students who appeared to be doing very well before college, but floundered once they were in college. They tended to have parents who pushed them too hard in middle/high schools. And they were exhausted by the time they got to college.
Like everything else in life, there needs to be a balance. More is not always better. Nature ensures that we’re all talented in different ways. Forcing someone to become something that s/he isn’t isn’t a recipe for success.
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Actually my best friend in high school is like that.
Her pursuit of excellences (elite college, elite career, elite life) ended mental breakdown and burn out… After quitted her high profile consulting career, she was able to finally conceive her
children. Now she is a high school teacher herself. She often said how she uses herself as a cautious tale to those overly stressed out high school kids. 
There are some kids that enjoy academics.
When DS was in middle school, one weekend included a soccer match with his travel team and a tutoring session to learn Python (I found a kid at a local uni to come teach him as DS wanted to learn to program and I have no coding experience.) We were chatting about his weekend and I asked him which was more fun and if he could only do one, which would it be. He thought and said, no way he could choose as they were both so much fun.
He loved math competitions, not so much for the math but to be around other kids and talk about the math. There are many kids like this…they are not always being tortured just because they do not want to only do sports, etc.
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It begins much earlier than middle school for many kids.
There are 4 and 5 year olds doing test prep right now for 4k, K, and 1st grade at public and private competitive admissions schools.
They could have also had paid coaches for preschool admissions.
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My daughter is a freshman at UPenn… there seems to be a good number of kids that need
tutoring there. I don’t understand how students can be accepted to an elite university, but still need extra help.
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Serious question: What’s your best guess?
I don’t know about UPenn, but at my DS’s school, the classes are hard. It isn’t good enough to just be smart. You also have to be a hard worker. Some kids were able excel in HS on talent alone. Also, not all of them are at the high level in all subjects.
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Or it could be the other way around.
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My guess is there are probably several reasons. Some never learned self study skills because they were always getting support back at home; some accepted students are not held to the same
rigorous acAdemic standards when admitted (recruited athletes, etc); some students (and their parents who pay for these tutoring sessions) just can’t accept that they are not going to get easy As anymore.
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Are you saying these students are paying for tutoring, or using the free tutoring that Penn offers at the Weingarten Center and the writing center (which are both very busy). Do you think Penn should not offer these free options?
Regardless if the student is paying or not, some want to go on to med school, PT school, PhD programs, etc. and their grades are of utmost importance. IME most anyone can benefit from 1:1 tutoring.
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There are a lot that pay for extra tutoring on campus. In fact it is a cottage industry for higher performing students.
Yes, that is the case on many campuses at highly competitive schools!
When our S needed any help he would simply walk down the hall and ask others. If that failed he would ask on an engineering students channel on Slack
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Taking advantage of free resources to support academic success is not the same as “needing” extra help. Most Ivy+ type colleges have resources for free tutoring, often including both peer tutoring and assistance from grad students in the field. Many students take advantage of these free academic assistance options, including some students doing outstanding work who are well qualified for the college. I expect many of these students would still receive outstanding grades without tutoring, but they believe that they learn more effectively when talking things over with an expert in the field/class, resulting in a better chance of their desired A grade.
There also of course are some students who struggle in classes or on specific problems from an assignment, and look for external support. I suspect that such struggling students who attend Ivy+ type colleges are more likely to take advantage of free tutoring resources than the average student, partially because they are more likely to be high achievers who are especially concerned about academic success.
I speak from experience as having been a peer tutor in many subjects at Stanford, and having used some of their tutoring resources. I haven’t personal seen anyone paying for extra tutoring when such excellent free resources are available, but I don’t doubt that it happens.
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There are so many students wanted to be tutored these days that the free resources aren’t enough.
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Are you talking about external tutors? I’m actually surprised this practice continues in college if that’s the case. Who are these tutors? As these students progress toward higher and higher level courses, there’d be fewer and fewer eligible external tutors. What do they do when they can’t find quality tutors anymore?