I agree that it’s important to notice how your SO treats family, friends and loved ones. I reminded H that his kids were watching and learning how he treated his parents and would follow his lead. He did take this to hear and improved his treatment of his dad (always treated him mom like a queen). H was pretty good at communicating with family and friends & we have had no communication problems in our marraige.
I didn’t do much grocery shopping or cooking when I was married. I now find it much easier to shop online. I could pull up my previous order, edit it and add few more things to the list. Whenever I go to a category they would a sale tab, so I could buy what’s on sale without having to go up and down an aisle. I could also search for any item I want without having to check out every aisle (category).
I think perhaps the most critical thing in a good marriage is to consider what is most important to the other person, and be willing to make compromises in that regard. To not always think about yourself. No matter what your differences are, I think you can work them out, if you care about the other person’s perspective.
Me and my husband had many similarities when we got married. We were both Air Force pilots, both had engineering degrees, same rank, age, similar education and income, similar perspective on finances. However, he wanted six kids, I wanted none. He was Catholic, I was agnostic.
Well, having different religious perspectives and family preferences could be a non starter for many. However, we ended up with two kids, went to different churches for awhile, and now go to none. We compromised, and always have, on every important issue. There is nothing worth not staying married for, everything can be worked out if both people are willing to do so.
I agree with @busdriver11. H and I had some things in common–same ethnic background, both born and raised in HI, both had at least college degree, neither of us were strongly religious. We also had some differences–H wanted 3 kids & I wanted 2 (we had 2). We raised our kids in my religion through confirmation & none of us go to church any more. We also compromise and let the person who cares the most about xxxx do the research and make recommendations that the rest of us tend to follow. If you want to propose an alternative, you had better do the research promptlyl and propose a palatable option. On the other hand H is signicantly older than I am but it hasn’t really been much of an issue so far & we’ve been happily married for nearly 30 years.
Yes, I definitely agree about letting the person who cares the most about xxxx do the research and make recommendations that we follow. It’s just worth doing if it’s meaningful to the other person, no matter how painful it is. For example, my husband REALLY wants to pay off debt now and stick to a budget, so we’re doing the Dave Ramsey method. So at the end of the month, we’re over budget, and I’m scrounging around the car, looking for dimes and nickels so I can buy some clearance socks without having to use the credit card. The clerk at Penneys probably thinks I’m destitute, counting out this dirty change for her. Though we’re actually pretty well off, I endure the embarrassment because it’s important to my husband to do this.