These are all great insights you’ve made. This one in particular makes me reflect on my kids over the years. Both my 16yo (probably autistic) son, and my 14yo (definitely not autistic) son have shown “anxiety” traits over the years, which has been noted by their pediatricians and described as something that might persist and require treatment.
For the 16yo, we have since learned that it’s entirely related to sensory issues and other discomfort involving the autistic traits (not understanding other people, having trouble with change, physical discomfort); it is totally situational and is not anxiety as a biochemical issue. It is easily managed and non-existent with the right environment.
For the 14yo, it’s become clear that it’s biochemical (anxiety/OCD inherited from spouse with many of the same traits). The dramatic improvement with anxiety/OCD meds has borne this out. Son and spouse have an ongoing dialogue with each other and professionals about how to be the healthiest while managing these issues.
Thank you for thinking of these kids and wanting to learn about them and their unique challenges as they grow. It has been so fascinating and rewarding to learn these things about my children (and about myself and spouse) as they’ve matured. I do not love them in spite of these quirks and issues, I see these things as intrinsic to who they are and love them BECAUSE of who they are. There are advantages to these traits, and challenges. We try to frame it thusly: “how can I help you learn to see and use the advantages of your traits, while supporting you through the challenges?”