<p>Yea, so I realized at midnight that my valedictorian speech is due tomorrow / today. Anyone want to discuss it on IM? AIM screenname kochabfirelizard. </p>
<p>I’ve written something but I am not sure if it’s good or not and it’s definitely not… polished. I could use someone to bounce it off of.</p>
<p>Edit: Posting this in caltech forum because I like all of you guys lol</p>
<p>I’m touched.</p>
<p>You should be!</p>
<p>Here’s what I have:</p>
<p>Winter Park Class of 2006: </p>
<p>First, Id like to congratulate us all: Weve made it! We are graduating!
Secondly, Id like to thank the people that made it possible: Our teachers, our parents, our administrators. Without you we would not be here today. </p>
<p>I wont regale you with stories of my time at Winter Park or attempt to advise you. We have everything necessary for success in this world and nothing I can say will affect that. Will all of us be successful? No. Will most of us? I hope so. So, instead of storytelling or giving advice I would like to share with you something that has been integral to my lifethe Serenity Prayer. </p>
<p>God grant us the serenity to accept the things we cannot change; courage to change the things we can; and wisdom to know the difference. </p>
<p>Winter Park Class of 2006, may you always be serene, courageous, and wise. </p>
<p>Any suggestions?</p>
<p>I don’t know. I see what you mean by “not polished”… but I can’t yet think up any actual suggestions.</p>
<p>I’ll think about it, and I’ll tell you if I have any suggestions before going to bed in an hour <em>ahem</em> or so.</p>
<p>by the way: it can’t be too long (1 minute max)</p>
<p>A minute is a really offensively short time for a valedictory address.</p>
<p>It doesn’t need any more length. I don’t know much about valedictorian speeches and probably won’t have to worry about it for a year.</p>
<p>Hmmm… “We’ve made it! We’re graduating!” sounds a little repetitious. It would be OK if you could say it just right, but it won’t sound good otherwise. That would be the first thing I’d change.</p>
<p>See if you can combine “We’ve made it! We’re graduating!” to make a single sentence, or else modify each individually until they sound right.</p>
<p>On the written page, multiple exclamation points are very annoying, but I’m not sure how they’d come out in a speech. Try taking out one of the exclamation points (not both) and listen to yourself as you say it.</p>
<p>I think this is the final version:</p>
<p>Winter Park Class of 2006:</p>
<p>First, Id like to congratulate us all: Weve made it!
Secondly, Id like to thank the people that made it possible: Our teachers, our parents, our administrators. Your hard work is the foundation of our success. </p>
<p>I wont regale you with stories of my time at Winter Park or attempt to advise you. We all have the potential to succeed in this world and nothing I can say will affect that. Will all of us be successful? No. Will most of us? I hope so. So, instead of storytelling or giving advice I would like to share with you something that has been integral to my lifethe Serenity Prayer. </p>
<p>God grant us the serenity to accept the things we cannot change; courage to change the things we can; and wisdom to know the difference.</p>
<p>Winter Park Class of 2006, may you always be serene, courageous, and wise.</p>
<p>I would change “foundation of our success” to “foundation for our success”. I don’t like the bit about maybe we’re gonna succeed, that seems a bit obvious. Oh, and the blatant reference to God is depressing.</p>
<p>Looks good to me. I won’t suggest any more changes because at this point I think any changes I’d suggest would be a matter of personal style and the style should be your own.</p>
<p>Hmmm… In a one-minute speech, I’m not sure it’s possible to avoid being a little obvious.</p>
<p>By the way, “Your hard work is the foundation of our success.” is far, far better than “Without you we would not be here today.” I say, good work.</p>
<p>silver-yms-- I didn’t write the Serenity Prayer… that being said, I treasure my right to be as blatant about my faith as I want. It doesn’t mean I don’t value your faith or lack of faith.</p>
<p>Perplex-- Thank you.</p>
<p>No problem.</p>
<p>Careful lizzard or someone’s gonna throw some “seperation of church and state” bs at you 
Nice job on the speech… I wouldn’t even want to attempt to write a one-minute speech.</p>
<p>Nah, I’m not worried. My school’s faculty is luckily pretty competent so they don’t mind. As for other students… witnessing years of extreme stupidity has taught me not to care much about the ignorant around me. For example: when I was wheelchair-bound for a few years one of my classmates asked me why I got the special privilege of using the elevator and why I couldn’t go down the stairs like everyone else. SERIOUSLY.</p>
<p>Needless to say I just laughed.</p>
<p>Edit: and I guess I don’t want to be afraid to share my beliefs. I am lucky to live in a country where I can.</p>
<p>
How is seperation of church and state bs?</p>
<p>
What if I start a speech with, Satan eats your children? You would have a problem with that, wouldn’t you? Mentioning God in such a speech is inappropriate and unnecessary.</p>
<p>There were hardly any religious statements in the prayer. I don’t see what the fuss is about.</p>
<p>Edit: I’m sure that non-religious people can appreciate the overall idea which the prayer conveys, and religious people can appreciate “God grant us.”</p>
<p>Edit: By the way, I’m not religious myself.</p>
<p>
No, I cannot appreciate the fact or the mention of prayer.</p>
<p>
Are you implying that those who may quote “throw some seperation of church and state bs at you” are ignorant? Reality check. You are the ignorant one.</p>