<p>I’d let your son handle the situation. These two have known each other for a long time, and most probably have pretty good communication or they wouldn’t still be friends. Let him handle it, even if you offer to pay whatever his costs turn out to be.
You don’t have to bring it up to the girl’s mom. The girl will let her mom know what they have decided.</p>
<p>If it were my son and the girl offered to pay for the tickets, as she should in this case, I’d suggest that he be sure to pick up the dinner tab. I like my son to be the “gentleman,” but I also think it’s 2011, and if the" lady" asks, the lady should pay.</p>
<p>Moonchild, the dinner tab IS part of the tickets. Since he paid the past two proms, it seems very reasonable that she pay for this event & I’d not bring the subject up with the girl’s mom, except perhaps to comment that it’s nice that they have maintained a good friendship over the years. If the mom does raise the subject, you can say you’re deferring to the young people to work things out among themselves.</p>
<p>The young people can also work out who pays for pictures & if there is any expense for transportation (if one if them isn’t driving the couple), plus whatever after-prom expenses might be expected. Sounds like they should have a nice time. :)</p>
<p>If this is the 3rd prom they’ve gone to together, they can probably get a pretty small picture package. I’m not sure that he will feel as strong about the need for the third set of pictures as much as the first.</p>
<p>I dunno though…I went to prom with the same girl both junior and senior year, and liked my junior year pictures better. A few years later, we had wedding pictures together. And now we have a daughter is in our pictures. Can’t say I spend a whole lot of time looking at junior year prom pictures. For that matter, I haven’t really looked at senior year prom pictures or wedding pictures, but do spend a lot of time looking at pictures of our daughter.</p>
<p>It’s unfortunate that so many posters advocate that having a Y chromosome obligates her son to pay. She invited him to a dance at a school that he doesn’t go to; if he pays, it should be out of generosity, not because of outdated gender roles.</p>
<p>Thanks everyone for all the great feedback. I think I’m going to lie low on this one and let the kids handle it. It’s her prom after all, not his. I think I will encourage him to offer to pay for the after-prom tickets. And if I do by chance talk to her mom, I may do the same, just to be nice.</p>
<p>MomLive - I don´t know why you would need t have any discussion with the girl´s mom about th prom, even if you run in the same circle. This is really between your son and the girl, not between you moms. If your son should decide to pay for any part of the prom, wouldn´t it come out of his allowance or savings? Why would you offer to pay for any of it?</p>
<p>The girl will have to pay for the prom tickets, since she has to buy them at school. I can’t imagine her asking for reimbursement from her date for the tickets. If she does, he should re-think attending. Limo costs can be high as well and your son has to rent a tux. Are there any after-prom activities that will cost money? He could offer to pay for the limo but definitely not pay for the tickets. </p>
<p>On another note - and I don’t want to hijack your thread OP, but what are your experiences when BF and GF are dating for awhile. My son, who graduated HS last year took his girlfriend to his prom and paid for everything. They are still dating exclusively and she is graduating this year and they are going to the prom together. I have said to him that I think she should pay for everything this time. He disagrees with me and he thinks he should pay for everything. I gave him some money to help cover prom costs last year, but if he wants to be a gentleman, it’s on his dime. How have others in this situation handled this?</p>
<p>My two oldest were prom gigolos. We had to limit their prom dates. We did not pay for any of the proms when they were for other schools. Just rented the tux, and provided the corsage. They were accessories.</p>
<p>My third one did ask a girl to his senior prom and we paid for all of their expenses, other than her dress and get up. She was a sophomore so was only allowed to the prom if asked. Had he invited a junior or senior at the school, it would have been a bit trickier since they are allowed to buy tickets and go to the prom. I think the person who asks pays, etiquette wise but in many cases its a mutual agreement in which case both parties split the cost. I’ve seen it done either way.</p>
<p>But if a student cannot buy a ticket for the occasion, and is asked by someone who can, the onus is on the asker to pay and make the arrangements for pre prom, after prom, transportation, tickets, dinner. So in your son’s case, I think it is pretty clear, that he just needs to show up looking good with a corsage.</p>
<p>Women have fought long and hard to be treated equally. Unless this student conditionally asked the male beforehand- “let’s go 'Dutch”, then this is her asking him and naturally is her bill(but for his tux). Don’t deprive her of her equal rights. Don’t shortchange this female by his overstepping his boundaries. Today’s manners say the asker pays. I’m sure no one would suggest otherwise if the guy had been the asker. Unless of course they believe in wifey chained to the bed or stove. Those days have passed.
It has nothing to do with “ladylike” or “gentlemanly” behavior. She didn’t pay(but for her own outfit) when she was his invitee, so he doesn’t pay when he is her invitee.</p>
<p>Want him to be polite? Say please/thank you, chew with his mouth closed, hold doors open, and don’t paw her. Paying the bill is a different area.</p>
<p>Is his school in your home area? Will she have significant expenses in order to attend? That might be something to discuss with your son and bring up the topic of splitting social expenses.</p>
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DH and I had our parents fooled for a couple of years. We were “just friends”. About 3 months after we bought my ring, I floated the idea of us getting married past my mom (I was 19 at the time). Her reply? “Oh honey, I really don’t think he likes you that way.” Just food for making you crazy ;-)</p>
<p>ETA - my D2 asked a friend who was then a college freshman to be her date for her prom. We paid for everything but the corsage. He didn’t have to rent a tux, music majors own them.</p>
<p>So right, Somnambulant, post 24.
I’d add that if old rules/roles were being followed, she would not have asked him to the dance, it would be the male’s place(except on that Sadie hawkins dance) to do the asking.
Surely today’s young men and women do not expect “new rules” when it comes to asking, but “old rules” when it’s time to pay the bill!
I would not encourage him to pay for after-prom tickets either, unless she did for him, on the 2 previous proms they attended(when he asked her, and they went to the same school). He needs to be as polite and generous to her as she was to him. She deserves that. No more, no less.</p>