I was talking with a friend yesterday who is struggling with the fact that her elder daughter and her husband sort of “expect” them to always pay/treat if they go out, order pizza, whatever. The younger daughter and her husband do sometimes chip in or treat the parents. Thrown into the mix is the fact that the younger daughter and husband make significantly more money than the elder and hers. Elder has two boys as well.
Now, my friends have absolutely set a precedent on that and have always done a lot for their two daughters. The elder daughter is now 32 or so and the younger 30. They all live in the same town and near each other. They spend a lot of time together. The expectations and attitudes of the one husband are really getting on her nerves lately, though. It’s expected they will treat in expenditures both large and small. I think they should have made a shift long ago, because now she is feeling rather resentful and unappreciated.
I am not asking for a solution to her problem but I am thinking proactively about this. I don’t yet have a dil, and our ds has a good job. He has treated us to dinner a couple of times, but we don’t see him constantly like they see their adult kids. He lives on the opposite coast from us.
Just thinking ahead and musing about how folks transition into more shared patterns of payment (or if they do) as their children move out, marry, procreate, etc. and how that subject gets broached. I mean, there would be times that I would want to treat my ds and/or his future family, but I wouldn’t want to do that all the time. So how does your family of adults deal with expenses on group meals, outings, vacations, meals while on vacation together, etc.