In my extended family, we have a gift exchange for a “$100 gift.” I can’t think of a time when anyone in the family spent less than $150. People start to get mad only when one or two people start inching into the $250 range for their $100 gifts. People have been known to lie to claim non-existent sales.
If it was me buying a gift and there were savings on the dollar amount due to a sale, I’d be inclined to spend the full amount as for me, it’s a holiday gift and a time to be generous.
ul
I don’t hold or expect others to abide by that and would find the idea of doing so to be abhorrent unless the gift giver was going out of his/her way to be exceedingly cheap…such as regifting defective items*.
- Happened to some former colleagues and a few HS classmates. Don't understand the point of using a holiday gifting occasion as a means of dumping broken/defective items onto the unsuspecting recipient. Especially if it's an older relative doing it to a younger one. Unacceptable.
It’s one thing to hold oneself to that standard. Don’t agree one should hold others to it.
And the expectation the receiver will want to return the gift is IMO not a very good reason for doing so.
Then again, my extended family and most families I’ve known growing up view upon people who return gifts right around/just after Christmas as spoiled ingrates at best. One was supposed to accept the gift with gratitude and grace unless the gift was clearly a regifted broken/defective to begin with.
I’ve had gift exchanges where the gift was nominal, say $15. It’s for work or a group you belong to, the people aren’t people you are great friends with. But everyone is in the same social economic group. You buy a really nice gift for $15 or $17 and spend another $5 on a nice gift bag or wrapping.
Your gift is ohh and awed about. You receive some crap from the dollar store in a paper bag. Or some jerky from the gas station because they forgot about the exchange. Or some dusty old candy.
I hate gift exchanges just because of this. Hate, hate, hate them. I know it’s the thought that counts but some people aren’t about the thought. And they drive away in their Mercedes 
Yup, bah humbug!
If the dollar amount is $200, it’s been set for a reason. Spend the $200.
My ex sister in law was a great bargain shopper. At a time when my brother was earning 5x what DH and I were, this led to (not so) sweet reminders from my mother that we weren’t being generous enough back to them (despite an equivalent dollars spent.) I won’t get into that sort of counting.
OP said, “instead of buying multiple small gifts for everyone.” How does it solve that if you are expected to spend $200, find the right gift at a deal, then supply umpteen fillers to make it up to $200?
I would think that a target “$200” means something generous from/to each, maybe a special sort of thing one might hesitate to buy for him/herself.
But is the purpose to “spend every bit of $200?” Or to give a gift valued in that range? Is someone really going to say, but you got that $200 gift on sale? What’s the real spirit here?
Wow. It never crossed my mind to try and tabulate how much gifts cost. We do a gift exchange with Mr R’s massive extended family and I think we have a $50 limit. It never crossed my mind to get another $25 gift if my $50 gift was half out.
I would say get them an appropriate gift. If it’s on sale, hey, good shopping!
I’m pining for the days when gifts were gestures someone chose to make with you in mind. At a certain point, why not have everyone wrap up $200, sit in a circle and hand it to each other? Of course, that may require sharing expectations of how much can be spent on wrapping.
I’d prefer to do a gift exchange with family with a “no more than x” limit and let the chips fall where they may. If it becomes absurd, as opposed to uneven, then perhaps another idea would work better. It mattered to me that the kids didn’t spend holidays adding up who got what and what it cost. I’d hate to participate in a tradition that went in that direction.
Yeah, travelnut, I’m thinking maybe this year, we each buy ourselves one nice gift we want. Then show it off on Christmas morning. I doubt the daughters would argue, “But you spent more (or less) on yourself than I did for myself.” I imagine if I told them I saved money on mine, got a deal, they’d only be envious of my success in that.
A lot of this gift giving thing, the $ expectations, is, sorry, just nuts.
Our family tried the name out of a hat thing for a couple of years. Most people got things they didn’t want…at…all.
So we did a variation. Name went on one side of an index card, and six choices of gifts in that price range went on the other side. The giver got to choose.
I mean really…if you are getting one gift for $200 it should be something you want and like…and not need to return.
And good for,the buyer if they found the gift On sale!
^^ This. Exactly this.
I’m reminded of arguments debates over whether people getting married are entitled to really fabulous gifts because they’re having an expensive reception, you know? I mean, when in the world did gift-giving become so transactional?
I see it less as a question of “Am I going to tabulate how much these gifts cost?” as a receiver and more a question of “How generous am I going to be?” and “How happy can I make the recipient?” when in a situation where I am a giver in a pool where the agreement was to spend around $200 each. As a giver, I am going to err on the side of generosity. I have it in my mind that I am going to spend $200. The more I can get for the $200 the better. I give gifts because I like to make people I care about happy. If I can make them happier by giving them more, it’s something I’m going to do.
I agree with @deb22. In all fairness, I’d spend the whole $200. And…what if they did take it back and found out, while they spent their entire amount. I wouldn’t chance it.
We have a gift exchange, and one branch of the family buys for another branch, and we have a formula so every year we know who we have. We have “limits” and most people go over the limit, most of the time. One branch of family is much more well off than others, and they usually spend more.
I say spend close to the agreed upon amount or more. 50% off sale doesn’t mean you spend $100. But if you find something for $179, that’s close enough.
The thing I do think is important, is to keep younger kid gifts relatively “consistent” by whatever ddefinition you want to apply.
You don’t want one kid to get a gift from uncle Joe, who “claims” he found a tremendous sale on an iPad for Susie, but then uncle Pete spends the requisite $50 for a much less exciting present. I know everyone needs to learn to be gracious, but I don’t like that idea.
“If I bought a restaurant gift card and they offered an extra $25 for each $100 purchased, I’d include the extra with the gift, for example.”
I don’t do that. I always end up buying gift cards for my kids teachers because I’m sure they don’t need more junk.
When a business offers an additional gift card for buying a certain amount I end up giving that gift card to someone else on my list…
On page 3, I’m still mind boggled that a gift exchange would be in the $200 range. I’m also so so so happy we don’t exchange with H’s siblings and my sister and I decided several years back we bought for kids until they are 18. Makes Christmas much more enjoyable.
My mother suggested a few years ago that we shouldn’t exchange with her and my dad. Money isn’t an issue. She’s 74 and in perfect health. That seemed a little extreme. I told her I was getting them presents and they could do whatever they wanted. So she buys for me and not for my sister. Then my mom wonders why she has a strained relationship with my sister??
If I was in an exchange for X amount, I would spend X amount, or close to it, so I guess the recipient is getting the spoils. I don’t really “get” gift cards either. Like another poster said, why not sit around and exchange cash?
The rule in my family is you must spend the $ amount decided upon by the group,
How about this flip story. We do a gift exchange with friends every year. There is always a theme and a price limit. The limit now is $20. Used to be $15.
One year, the theme was “bathroom”. I found on sale for $14.99 a gorgeous, really nice terry velour bathrobe from Victoria’s Secret! I think the retail was $90.
I was under the price limit! But boy did I take heat. I was told my gift was too costly! Um…no…not what I paid!
What if someone decides to make something? A potter who makes a great bowl, for example, for the gift exchange. Or knitter who knits a gorgeous cashmere throw.
Or someone with fabulous taste – like a designer who commands high hourly rates when shopping for a client – finds something at a flea market for $25 that would command $300 in a vintage shop?
Or what if a world traveler collects fabulous objects that cost little in the country of origin but are very costly here to give as gifts?
Or what if someone decides to present a family heirloom as their contribution to the gift exchange? Or even a long lost family photo in a $50 frame for the $200 gift?
Those are the best gifts, and the actual retail price – or cost of materials – does not reflect the real cost or value of the object.
Insisting that everyone spend exactly $200 seems to evidence a lack of imagination in gift-giving, to some extent.
PS – I’m a horrible gift-giver, but I have been the recipient of some extremely thoughtful gifts!
I hear you! We gave Rwandan baskets as gifts the year we visited DD there while,she was in the Peace Corps. They are quite pricey when purchased here…and quite not pricey when purchased there.
So,we also gave Belgian chocolate which is expensive no matter where you buy it 
@nottelling I agree with you and mentioned that upthread. The best gifts I’ve received were not the most expensive, and the most welcomed gifts I’ve given have not been cherished for their monetary value. I’ve been looking on Etsy for Christmas gifts the last few days and came across some custom Pj’s last night that echo what I think I posted on another threadon CC-what the Grinch realizes at the end of the original cartoon: "What if Christmas, he thought, doesn’t come from a store. What if Christmas…perhaps…means a little bit more!”
I believe that with all of my being. I’d much rather get something thoughtfully chosen for who I am and what I enjoy than someone adding up dollars and cents.
My friend hand crocheted a lovely vest out of very soft yarn in shades of blue. She spent a lot of time and energy in acquiring the yarn and then crafting it. I love it; neither of us have any idea about how much it cost and it is not even a consideration. We have been friends for decades–mostly I send her a box of HI edible treats so she isn’t acquiring more “stuff.”