<p>Weddings are so much harder because they involve two families, right? Need to get this done ASAP as we are almost at the 4 month mark.</p>
<p>I am unbelievably behind and am starting to get stressed, but I have done this two other times. However, we have changed Temples and with the exception of the woman who will help me with decorations, all vendors will most likely be new. (It is pathetic, but I can’t even remember who catered the oldest child’s Kiddush. I have done research but have booked nothing but our Temple Social Hall for the party.</p>
<p>First question – is an email or electronic save the date ok? Just for out of towners and it isn’t really very many of those. I found this site and thing these are pretty, but would a nice email (I could actually personalize each email and just cut and paste the stuff about hotel, etc) be better?</p>
<p>We are going to use real invites – which we have narrowed to two choices, but we need to finalize our list before we can order. </p>
<p>Back story-- starting at age 7, my daughter has said she wanted to to to Israel for her Bat Mitzvah. We were all for it. About 18 months ago, she changed her mind and I haven’t quite recovered. On top of that, this is my youngest child and I have no close Jewish friends whose children are the same age to keep me honest during this process. (Actually, I did have one friend with a child the same age as her, but she died about two years ago. I miss her a lot right now.)</p>
<p>Since this is for a D, can she help you out? My 3 nieces did a fab job planning theirs. Their mom (my SIL) was thrilled by their choices and organization and we were all impressed. The girls did an amazing job each time, planning the whole long weekends (they fed EVERYONE for days…lol), and included social outings as well. </p>
<p>I know this is sexist, but the son didn’t do much to plan his bar mitzvah. lol</p>
<p>Forgot to add…we got emails as heads up save the dates, but I don’t know if non-family got snail mail or not.</p>
<p>Thanks, Momma J, I will take a look.
M2CK, She definitely is willing to help and she has identified her theme and colors. She has a lot to do, in terms of preparing for the service, and so that is taking up a fair amount of her time. She is eager to have all the details worked out – whatever they may be.</p>
<p>Do you have a venue? Do you have a DJ or live musicians lined up? Do you have a theme? clothes? Guest list and/or the amount that the venue can hold? Stuff like flowers can be done at the last minute. Have you contacted or have you been contacted by the synagogue as to the Kiddish after the ceremony? Some synagogue have the service open to the community and the parents pay for the Kiddish. When our son was Bar Mitzvahed we all had private services. </p>
<p>Oh, and breathe in and out. It will be fine. And yes, ask your daughter what she wants and needs. Oh…and mazel tov!!!</p>
<p>Mazel Tov
Email save the date is fine.
Book the things that can book up. DJ if you are having one. Photographer? Someone to put together the photo montage unless you are doing it yourself.
The temple office staff might be a good place to start. They might have suggestions of caterers that know your facility.</p>
<p>m2ck, your 12 year old nieces were able to plan their b’nai mitzvot??? That’s incredible.</p>
<p>I’ll second the Party411 forum for support and advice. E-mail save the date announcements is fine. </p>
<p>If the synagogue social hall is booked for the party (be it dinner or lunch) then that’s the big worry out of the way. Does your synagogue have an in-house caterer, or do you have to find one? If the latter, I’d start with families that have recently hosted b’nai mitzvah parties at your synagogue–see if there’s a caterer they liked. </p>
<p>Is the event after January 1, or is it during the winter holiday season?</p>
<p>m2ck, your 12 year old nieces were able to plan their b’nai mitzvot??? That’s incredible.</p>
<p>yes! I think what happened is that when nephew’s was being planned, the girls paid attention, likely went along with SIL on related-errands, and likely noted what they would want for theirs. These kids are all very bright and very independent-minded (in a good way!)</p>
<p>Heck, the oldest D (very precocious!) could probably have planned everything when she was even younger. I used to babysit her when she was a toddler/pre-schooler and her abilities were amazing.</p>
<p>I agree that an electronic save the date is fine… </p>
<p>If the Temple Social Hall is reserved are you obligated to use the temple caterer? In our area, you are obligated to do so for any party although not necessarily for the kiddush. If I recall I was able to work with the temple office from a list of acceptable local area caterers for the kiddush.</p>
<p>Echoing the suggestion above for you to check out the Bar/Bat Mitzvah forum at Party411. When I was in the throes of that planning, I often described the “mavens” (as they refer to themselves) as a collection of the most neurotic moms on the planet, but I have to give them major kudos because whatever your question, I promise you will find an answer and a bunch of great ideas. And someone there once upon a time posted a link to College Confidential, so I have to give them kudos for sending me here as well. Where I met a whole new group of neurotic parents. Go figure. Since I am one myself, I felt very much at home in both settings. Good luck with your planning!</p>
<p>(PS. If you decide that you want to do Wanderfuls for centerpieces, let me know because I never sold my bases. They are sitting in my basement, on the hit list for future yard sale. Anyone??)</p>
<p>There must be some women at the synagogue who can offer suggestions. Our synagogue only allows for one caterer, so I ordered big kiddish for everyone.</p>
<ol>
<li><p>The woman who is doing decorations should be able to help with favors for kids and parents. I’ve got a son, and his theme was computers and computer games. He picked out game figures (Mario, Donkey Kong,…) and these were centerpieces. The women doing decorations also got Kosher chocolate laptops for favors, and zip folders for discs, flowers.</p></li>
<li><p>Contact for music supplied musician and suggested photographer.</p></li>
<li><p>Venue for luncheon took one meeting, to chose linens, menus, and staff.</p></li>
<li><p>I reserved block of room at hotel, and in week before the big day, made and dropped off care packages for the out of town guests. I did post-meals, but they were dairy, and a few pre-cooked items, and I had my sister and mom to help put out as buffet. Very casual.</p></li>
<li><p>I made a memory book, which the kids signed, and the place settings, and candle display; I rarely get a chance to play at being creative. The women making the decorations could easily have done these tasks.</p></li>
</ol>
<p>Point is, all done within a few weekends. So, you can breathe.</p>
<p>At other Bar Mitzvahs, centerpieces were canned food displays that would go to the needy.</p>
<p>So, what is your daughter’s theme? If you offer specifics, we can be of help, hopefully.</p>
<p>I spoke to a DJ that was recommended and he is available.</p>
<p>I am working on my guest list so save the date can get out. </p>
<p>The temple doesn’t have a list of caterers but it is a pretty small circle of those that do kiddushes. Reached out to two today and will contact a few more tomorrow.</p>
<p>Our theme is country/western and she will be wearing cowboy boots! Lots of country line dancing is part of our vision. My sister found burlap bags for hospitality bags. (We don’t have anything planned particularly, but she has the bags!)</p>
<p>If you ever need some advice on which service providers work well, in addition to asking other parents, you’d be surprised how much the teaching staff at the Temple knows. They hear anecdotes about which providers or activities worked out well, and quietly observe which ones were problematic.</p>
<p>Do you have someone in place who seems to be in-the-loop with students in that age group? It could be the Religious School principal, 7th/8th Grade Hebrew School Teacher, Tutor, Cantor or Rabbi. They attend a lot of these social events and hear anecdotes afterwards from kids and parents. You can phone them up to ask advice. </p>
<p>Best wishes~! Sorry you lost your friend for advice, that’s sad.</p>