Who wants to read my essay? I'll take any criticism

<p>Criticize any way you want. I can take it. I’m strong inside.</p>

<pre><code>My feet once were clean and pure, soft and pink, cute and cuddly, but I gave up their beauty for dragon boating. Dry, cracked, dirty, and flip-flop-tanned – those are my feet today. From far away one can already see a white stripe running across my feet below my toes. As one gets closer, one can see the grime in my toenails. And when you get within smelling distance, you see that the heels have dried up and crumbled, leaving a grayish look.
Along with time and gasoline, the cleanliness of my feet is a welcome sacrifice as I commit myself to the sport of dragon boating. Every Saturday afternoon, I’m set with my T-shirt, shorts, and piece de resistance: my flip flops. The thongs of my black slippers can only protect that strip of skin; the rest is up for grabs for sun, dirt, or salt water.

My feet, already devastated by the previous practice, carry me down the dock to the dragon boat. They slowly enter the boat, carefully choosing where to place themselves so as not to risk capsizing the boat and sinking the rest of the crew into the water. Well secured to the floor, with one in front and the other underneath, my feet rest there underneath the gunnel.

<p>These two sets of toes don’t realize their own importance to the sport. They turn green with envy as they watch the hands get all the praise, the hands that get to grab the paddle, the hands that get to move in sync with other hands of other paddlers with their own green toes. Never seen by the public eye, my feet are hidden inside the boat, crying as they are attacked by the algae and salt from the splashing water. They agonize as they burn in the rays of the sun. At each stroke, my arms hang out over the gunnel and prepare to dig in the water, while my toes must shoulder all my body weight each time the legs shove the toes against the floor to propel the boat.
Every time the hands mess up, the murky water splashes and drips down my body, accumulating at my naked feet. The dirt and the algae find any crevice they can – in between dry skin or toe nails, begriming and blackening their pinkness. They suffer as the water slowly steams away and the grime condenses. No one can even see them and they are mortified.</p>

<pre><code>At the end of practice I get out of the boat. I note my toenails are black, and wash them down with the hose. It’s impossible to get all the muck inside my toenails, as well as my heels. I give up and hope this time that my hot shower and bar of soap at home can fix the problem. Adding insult to injury, not only have my feet been sullied, they have been branded again by the sun, accenting out a one inch strip across my feet. Just another mark of summer, I say. Plus, how often do people pay attention to feet anyways?

<p>in the 1st paragraph ur alternating between two pronouns: 'one' and 'you'. pick the one u like better and stick to it. 2 of them sound clumsy. add a 'the' b4 'piece de resistance.' anyway i think piece the resistance is unnecessary, the rest of ur essay is pretty informal so it sounds like ur trying too hard. And the last line has GOT to be replaced. 'plus' sounds weird and though we use 'anyways' when we're speaking, it should be 'anyway' if ur sending it in to Harvard (or anywhere else for that matter)
The essay is pretty interesting otherwise but maybe u could talk a bit more abt how passionate u r abt dragon boating at the cost of a few words from describing the agonies that ur feet r put thru. you've stated the point strongly enuf, theres no need to go on and on abt it.
hope that was helpful.</p>

<p>yeah it was helpful - thanks!</p>

<p>Yeah. I think YOU are lost in description about your feet. In an admissions essay, we want to know about YOU, not your feet, unless your feet describe you in some way. But if and since you are using your feet to describe yourself, make the comparison clearer.</p>

<p>k, thanks. i think at first i was aiming first at symbolizing the feet as me, but then i think i lost that mode as i wrote more bout my passion for the sport. yea it needs work, i admit.</p>