I dated a billionaire when I was in my early 20’s and living in Milan. His lifestyle, religion, ethnic background and values were so far apart from mine that I felt like I would never be able to adapt, so I broke up with him. It was a first for him, lol. I agree with @mathmom that a lot of super-wealthy, especially the ones who inherited their wealth, are really, really different from the middle class. (I hear My Fair Lady music playing in my mind). Just you wait,'Enry 'Iggins!
I would not measure wealth by how much people spend. A great many people who consume luxury goods have high incomes but are not wealthy because they don’t save anything and/or make poor investments.
I knew some members of one of the 100 Richest Families. They carried themselves with more poise than the average Joe, but they really didn’t wear their money on their sleeves. When my mother passed away, they came over, and it was all about my mother and her family, not about them.
I believe it was John Muir who once told a Railroad Magnate that he (John Muir) was the richest man in the room. The multi millionaire looked at him and said we could buy you thousands of times over. Muir supposedly told him that he had “enough” and that the rest of them never would. Whether or not the anecdote is true I’m not sure. I think the message speaks a truth. Your rich when you have what you deem is enough. Most of us never quite get there. We always seem to want a little more.
I think there is a big difference between new money folks and old money folks.
^ not so sure. I think it’s hard to generalize. My parents grew up middle class ( Dad) and poor ( Mom), we were middle class until my Dad started a business when I was just out of college and it did very, very well. My folks spend on some luxuries , but generally live pretty much below their means. Same friends they always had. Perhaps living in a small town makes a difference - everyone knew you when you were a kid and no one is that impressed.
Here’s why I’m rich. I can go grocery shopping and throw whatever I want in the cart and not worry about it.
There were times in my life I was going in with a carefully planned menu, coupons and a calculator.
Fallgirl–I was commenting on differences between people who grow up in families that have been wealthy for generations vs people who started out as middle class or working class and have earned their wealth.
@eyemamon Yes, we do that, but my parents grew up during the depression and often did without. This winter I threw a red pepper in my cart thinking I really don’t need to substitute the cheaper green pepper. That one red pepper cost $6.
Does it mean my husband cannot retire in three years? No. But It seems wrong somehow.
Go for the red pepper, MaterS, live it up every now and then for no good reason!
Green pepper is not a substitute for red bell pepper. Splurge
I pay Costco $100 a year so I can buy 6 red bell peppers for 6 bucks! 
Is anyone else a fan of the Millionaire Next Door? That approach to frugality fits my Scottish origins. However, I did glory in the the beautiful red bell pepper in my stir fry tonight, so am a little more indulgent than that. It was only recently that I felt I could go for those red peppers, well, when on sale anyhow.
I don’t know why we shouldn’t also include personal capital.
I think that rich is having a network of family/friends/tribe, or some sort of safety net, that would provide enough support to live a bare bones but dignified life in event of a catastrophic event that made paid employment difficult or impossible, on either a temporary or permanent basis.
Or, enough money that running out would be inconceivable.
Closer to home, as the parent of a non-verbal autistic child I have learned that there are many, many opportunity costs involved in raising our children. I suppose for the wealthiest celebrities, money does not come into play, but I know many families (including my own) who have been unable to find respite that would allow us to leave the home without our child even if we were willing to pay double or triple the going rate for ordinary childcare or eldercare.
When we were raising our child, many parents abandoned careers to learn how to provide ABA for their child when professionals were overwhelmed, or to homeschool when districts could not provide programming or a child was being neglected or abused at school.
(My S is now in a group home, but I know families with parents in their sixties and older who continue to care for adults who need 24/7 supervision, with no end to the waiting list in sight.)
I grew up very poor with parents who have never been able to manage money (3 homes all repo’d ) and today at age 70 they do not have 2 pennies to rub together. This has a profound impact on me. I am very scared of any debt and have lived an adult life of living below my means. Still don’t know how to invest, but I am a saver, will also ways be one. I am very solidly middle class and not precariously on the edge.
Vanurseprac–Get Dave Ramsey’s “Total Money Makeover” It’s got very practical financial advice for staying out of debt, building emergency fund and where and how to invest for your retirement (and why it is important to invest).
If you need to get out of debt, by all means read Dave Ramsey. If you already live below your means and stay out of debt but want to learn to invest safely and wisely, avoid Dave Ramsey and check out the bogle heads forum or Jack Bogle’s Little Book of Common Sense Investing.
I feel very comfortable, because I can go to the grocery store and buy most of what I want, but would not buy the $6 red bell pepper or the $5 melon and wait to buy laundry detergent and coffee when it is on sale. And I don’t shop at the high end market, but at the supermarket with its weekly specials. I also can afford to go away for the weekend or pay for a car or home repair without really feeling it. But I don’t feel rich, because I shop sales and could not afford private college for my kids without merit aid. Even if I had been more frugal (no cable, never going on vacation), I would not have been able to pay private tuition for 3 kids along with self-funding retirement.
To me, rich is being able to do what you want to do (within reason) and not having to worry what will happen to your retirement savings if you or spouse loses a job. I think that is why so many on CC that make what some think is a very good salary, don’t feel rich - they watch what they spend (but not every penny) but still can’t afford private college for more than one kid or feel like they would be OK without their job. With all the layoffs, especially of people in the 50s or older who don’t have pensions, that is a big concern.
It is probably the “do what you want (within reason)” definition that varies by person. If you worry about every penny and never go out to dinner, rich may be being able to go out on a Saturday night to a sit-down restaurant and to pay for your car repairs without going into debt.
I am very thankful and know I am lucky to be living a comfortable suburban life in the USA in the 2010s. No complaints here. I am not sure if my kids will be able to have such a nice life.
When we were growing up, a BIG treat was getting to go out to a store and buying a popsicle or similar maybe once a month. A few times a year, we were able to go out for dinner at a restaurant. We drank re-constituted powdered milk, which I hated and still hate to this day (tho I am fond of other forms of dairy and “real” milk). I never had an outfit that was new until I reached intermediate school. It was just different times when I was growing up. H’s family raised their own food and slaughtered chickens to eat them, so yes, he grew up poor as well. By the time I reached HS, my family was making more money and we all went to college and grad/professional schools.
By contrast, my kids have been able to travel with us since they were 6-months old and have dined in restaurants from infancy. It was just different times for them than it was for H & me growing up. I feel very comfortable financially, but know many who have more financial concerns and some who have fewer. Our S is financially comfortable at the moment, but our D has never been able to hold a full-time job and won’t until we are able to get her more medically stable than she’s been since she was 10 years old. We are doing ALL we can to get her the medical care to help her get better, but wish there were more and better answers. We are grateful we have the resources to pursue the medical treatments that MAY help.
I don’t know about Jack Bogle but happy to hear of him too. I’ll check it out.
I’m sure there are many good sources for financial advice. I happen to like Dave Ramsey because he stays basic with a very sound prioritized step by step approach. It is especially helpful for people with no financial background.
We’ve given the book to a quite a few people (including family members, friends and employees). It’s exciting when people are able to start climbing out of a debt hole and start investing for their future.
When people are controlling their money and are able to quit worrying on a daily basis then they do feel rich.