There was another thread discussing whether parents had an obligation to help fund graduate school for their kids. But what about an undergraduate education. When you decided to raise a family was paying for a college education someday even a consideration or did you leave it to chance (e.g. kid will get a merit scholarship, grandparents, government grants, pay as you go, etc).
I’m a little confused by your “or” choice. If you are asking did we start saving specifically for college when we decided to raise a family, then the answer is no. We actually saved very little that was earmarked for college. However, we always considered it our responsibility to pay. We saved a lot in the way of retirement and paying off our house so that when the time came for college, we had the extra income to pay for it (even if we didn’t have the extra savings). So we are “pay as you go”…plus some merit and some college grants (both kids attend(ed) “100 % meets need” schools).
We committed to paying for our kids when they were born. We feel it is our job as parents but it doesn’t mean we are willing to pay any amount for any college - it has to be reasonable. Grad school is on them.
Not sure I understand the question.
As a parent, I’m first in line to pay for dental care, eyeglasses, etc. for my kids. But I have no problem whatsoever with my tax dollars (and/or charitable donations) going to provide these things for kids who DON’T have parents who can pay. I have a friend who is a dentist- he closes his practice for two weeks a year and volunteers in under-served communities. He has diagnosed oral cancers, terrible maxilofacial disorders, gastro issues, etc. in people who have not seen a dentist in decades (or ever- lots of school aged kids who have never had a check up).
He also believes that parents are the first in line to pay for college, dental care, etc. but clearly he also believes a societal responsibility to provide for those who can’t.
Is this your question?
We set up a fund for each kid as soon as they were born so that we could send them to school without the burden of college loans/debt. It took a lot of saving and effort but both kids have the necessary funds now to go wherever they want without any financial constraints. My parents and my wife’s parents both did the same thing for us, so we were on the same page from day 1. We did not feel responsible to do it, we just felt it the was the right choice for us.
That being said, there have been times when I think about how much fun I could be having with that cash just sitting there 
I will add that merit scholarships aren’t usually by “chance.” Those students who earn merit often started taking advanced coursework in elementary or middle school. They took the most rigorous schedule in high school, usually while also participating in marching band, sports, etc. and other school activities.
It seems this is a straw poll. We are fortunate to be able to help pay for college. My Ds did well with merit aid so we paid the balance. My S has nor performed as well in HS so he will be limited to in-state schools. He will have to shoulder some of the burden with (a normal amount of) student loans. If we were very low income as my family was, they would have started at CCs and we would have worked toward a solution.
I’m sure someone with alot more time will post a great well thought out reply! Things have changed drastically in the last 10-15 years costs have really skyrocketed.
My wife and I realized this about 18 months ago and have made huge lifestyle changes. She was originally totally against the sacrifices for the reasons many people are “the cost”! What a ripoff, it costs what, that is ridiculous, etc etc etc.
She is now onboard the ship 
… with what we have saved and what we having coming from our paychecks the kids should be okay for undergraduate. Depending where life is in 4-7 years we may pay for graduate school too (if they don’t screw up)
We have already taken vacations all over, had nice cars, and etc etc. We always thought our older years would be very simple, serving, and trying to make a impact.
The short answer I think the parents should be willing to sacrifice for their kids. Gone are the days where a kid can pay out of pocket to go to university not a CC in most instances
We began making financial decisions with paying for our child’s college education in mind from the time we got married, five years before our child was born. We considered that our life’s most important financial obligation.
Education is important. We wanted to make sure that, if our child was able to and wanted to go to college, our child would have the opportunity to spend four years immersed in the life of the mind surrounded by other students who love learning, and then possibly attend a graduate school in the field of his/her choice.
Our child’s job was to do well enough in school to get into college and grad school, in accordance with his personal goals. Our job was to pay for it.
No to parental money for grad school. Yes to helping as much as fiscally prudent for undergrad these days .
The question asked whose responsibility it is to pay for college. A well educated, competent adult is a benefit to everyone in society. Where will the next generation of doctors, teachers, engineers etc, come from? When parents bear the full load of educating children, others in society get a free, unearned benefit.
I don’t feel that college should be free. There is benefit for kids and families to have real skin in the game so they take college seriously. However, it should be affordable to most people. Kids should be able to put themselves through college with a small amount of loans and money made through working. In NY, the SUNY and CUNY system work that way if you live close enough to a four year college to commute. As a tax payer, I approve, even though my kids probably won’t use that system. I don’t think society as a whole needs to provide an idyllic, cliched college experience with dorms and ivy covered halls. But I think society should provide a way for serious students to reasonably fund their education.
On the other hand, I live in the real world where that is not how things work. So we started saving for my kids education as soon as they were born.
We gave each child a budget. This was the same for each, except that most of the money was in a 529 plan and for the youngest it had more time to grow – basically it kept up with inflation in college costs due to the strong stock market over the past 4 years. Each was required to stick to the budget without loans. My belief was that if either got a loan then we (parents) would end up having to pay it off out of retirement funds which would be the equivalent of running over the budget.
One picked a school for undergrad that just fit the budget (she might run over by about $1,000 which we will cover and not mention). One picked a school that will leave her some for graduate school.
Given the current cost of university in the US, I think that expecting the students to cover the cost is not realistic. Given how hard it is to find a first job, and given the ratio between what most first jobs pay and what it costs to live on your own, graduating with a Bachelor’s degree and no debt is a huge advantage when compared to graduating with debt.
We did have the luxury of having being able to save money for university while also saving money for retirement. However, this required 40 years of living more frugally than our (originally my) income would have required.
@socaldad2002 You seem overly concerned about how ** other people** pay for college. As many posters pointed out to you on another thread (http://talk.collegeconfidential.com/parents-forum/2065577-parents-tell-me-i-am-not-crazy-to-push-a-full-ride-over-other-more-prestigious-schools.html#latest) Not everyone funds college the same way, even if parents want to save from birth they may not have been able to do so, some expect their kids to have some “skin in the game”. I’m sure there are many families that don’t feel obligated to pay for their children’s college education at all but I would think it very unlikely you’ll find them on College Confidential forums. As for us, we expect our kids to go for merit and will help out as needed.
Hhm. If a student chooses to attend a college then it becomes their responsibility to come up with the way to fund it. For most students their parents become the first source of funding. I think most responsible parents would seek to assist to the degree they are able. What that means is up to the parent which is why I think it’s important for the student and their parents to have a meaningful discussion on the subject before applications are sent. What I don’t believe is responsible is for parents to put themselves in jeopardy of bankruptcy or to wipe out a retirement account to send a child to a college which is unaffordable.
When my children were born, I envisioned paying most of the cost of the state flagship, but the kids still having “some skin in the game”. We had two earners in the family, so we could realistically cash-flow a good portion at college time. So I saved based on that plan.
My plan had flaws:
- Kid had dreams beyond state flagship (and the stats to back that up)
- We are now a single parent family, and the cash-flow is dramatically reduced
I would’ve been barely able to pay most of the cost of the state flagship. But due to large merit scholarships my kid is able to attend a school she loves, at less cost. I will admit it stung for a while during the college search, that most of the schools she liked were out of my financial reach. But it is working out beautifully now.
Kid #2 will likely choose the state flagship, but he also has his eye on large merit scholarships elsewhere.
Alien lifeforms with more advanced technology.
OK, less facetious answer:
I’ll have a pot for each kid for all types of education (size of pot dependent on how the market does, family finances, roadbumps, etc.)
But as education (heck, humans in general, especially young adults) give off positive externalities, as @gallentjill referred to, society should and a forward-looking country would subsidize education and development of human well-being and capital.
I paid for my kids to have food, shelter, clothes, vacations, sports, dance lessons, school trips. Life experiences. No, I do not feel obligated to pay for college. If I were rich and didn’t have 4 kids that would be something that would be covered too. As it stands, with current income being much higher than when our first kid was born (no chance of college funds 18 yrs ago), we are hoping to contribute enough that the kids only have to take out the federal loans and have that debt. The kids need to realize what our limits are and choose their colleges accordingly. I am not willing to go bankrupt or sacrifice our retirement savings so my kids can be debt free. That does not make good sense. Also overpaying for a degree that won’t pay you a living wage isn’t good sense, so definitely something for people to consider when throwing money at their kids for college.
Our kids all took (or will take) the Federal Loans as a means to have skin in the game. They can go OOS or private if the merit money is there and will make the COA somewhat comparable to an IS school. They went K-8 Catholic but were told no to Catholic or private high schools if they wanted to have additional college options. Our two oldest got in and out of school in 4 years, so we paid off their student loans.
As an aside, we have been diligent about putting away for retirement, and we did so at the expense of college savings, expensive vacations, and material things. There will always be (creative) ways to pay for college. The same cannot be said about retirement.
My wife was an AO years ago, who also worked with scholarships and financial aid, and nothing was more obnoxious than the parents who had bought a boat and/or vacation home, and demanded financial aid because they could not afford to pay for college given that they did not save anything. Happened. All. The. Time.
^Exactly.
We fund our kids’ education just like my parents funded mine. I think of it as my responsibility for bringing them into this world. Granted, we have been fortunate to do so but it’s always been a priority. Food, clothing and shelter first - the basics. Savings for our own retirement. Education. Those come first over vacations, second homes, new or fancy cars, the latest smart phones or clothing trends, or $$ for any other extracurricular “want”.
I just saw today a facebook post of an old college friend gifting a luxury suv for his child’s 16th birthday. Last time I saw the guy he was complaining about college costs and not being able to afford it. 8-|