<p>just thought I would ask adults to see if they had any good answers</p>
<p>I dont think they think before they speak. Maybe sometimes they are jealous or insecure. there are a variety of reasons.</p>
<p>It depends very much on the age of the child. Small children don’t really have the ability to be empathetic. Middle schoolers are often insecure. Grade school kids like to test the limits and feel in control. They also don’t have much experience with cause and effect. As Audi said, they may not think about consequences or another’s feelings before speaking. Some children grow up in environments with parents who are cruel to each other or to their kids, so they have never been taught proper courtesy and lack good role models. Some children have mood disorders. Some mean children grow up to be mean adults and are never nice people. Others change with age, hard work, or experience.</p>
<p>Mean kids have often been treated badly, either by a parent or by bullies. There was a “meanness” problem in my son’s high school class and it could be traced back to that. Not to excuse it at all. Sometimes a kind of favored status aura surrounds the few kids the bully “likes,” but that doesn’t always last. The best thing is to avoid mean kids because you can’t really change them.</p>
<p>Kids are mean because of their parents. Looking at my kids’ friends, I could pretty much figure out what their parents are like.</p>
<p>I don’t know if kids are always mean because of their parents. I knew a (very) mean classmate growing up whose mother couldn’t have been nicer-- kind, funny, not superficial in any way. I could never understand it…</p>
<p>I think it is a defensive measure of some kind, come at them before they come at me…</p>
<p>Sometimes kids are mean because they’re jealous. They can’t compete with you, so they try to bring you down. Sometimes kids are mean because they’re insecure and want to be sure no one else is too secure, either. Sometimes it’s because their parents are mean. Sometimes its because they’re spoiled and have never had to consider anyone else’s feelings. Sometimes they’re just curious and want to see how you’ll react - trying out ways to make themselves feel powerful.</p>
<p>Sadly, some mean kids grow up to be mean adults. Before I came to my current job, one of the women I now supervise had an ongoing feud with a co-worker and was determined to make her life miserable. She actually brought in a plate of cupcakes with ONE TOO FEW cupcakes for everyone in the dept, and put a sign on it that said, “For good girls only.” This woman is in her 60’s!!! I think she does to maintain her position of power in the group.</p>
<p>whothebelltolls,
Just kids??? You are new here, aren’t you?
Just kidding, welcome to CC.</p>
<p>Ask Darwin. Or maybe William Golding, author of “Lord of the Flies”. I think kids establish dominance like the little primates they are. Any perceived vulnerability draws the attention of the alpha dominant. A protective shell of indifference is a survival tactic that some socially adept kids can master, but not all.</p>
<p>The bullying doesn’t stop as kids grow up, as several people have said here. The “Mean Girls” or “The Office” behavior can be seen in virtually every work environment, among parents, and in online message boards like this one (as doubleplay said rather slyly :))</p>
<p>SuNa, I have to disagree with you. Studies have shown that this is generally not the case.
In fact, bullies are generally kids with exceedingly high self-esteem, with an overweening sense of entitlement, and a poor sense of empathy and compassion.</p>
<p>I dunno about kids, but adults can be seriously mean at times. I’ve just had two sisters dump on me for things that I didn’t even do! (Don’t worry, everybody’s already had it out…my message was that I do NOT want them blaming me for problems they’ve brought on themselves…but I understand if they want to vent at times).</p>
<p>There’s garden variety bullies and then there’s the basic self-centered meanness that comes with being immature and clueless. The type of meanness that was pervasive at my kids’ old high school had to do mostly with clique-iness. Like Heidi Klum says, “One day you’re in, the next day you’re OUT!” The social aspects of not being part of the crowd are frightening. For boys, it seemed like being involved in some kind of sport (ANY sport) alleviated the isolation. For girls, it was more complicated. So many intangibles go into whether a girl is “accepted” or not. (shudder…)</p>
<p>I have seen kids with “split personalities” that are as sweet as sugar with my kids in Sunday school and church youth group, and totally evil toward them the rest of the week in school and during sports practices. The worst part of it is, their parents have absolutely NO clue, and they wonder why I give them the silent treatment…</p>
<p>Rachacha, yeah, how about that? Or how about those kids who are super-friendly, sweet and engaging towards parents and other authority figures, but monsters to other kids? We call them Little Eddie Haskells (now you know I’m old). Adults usually think these kids are the cat’s meow.</p>
<p>Re: their parents who have NO clue – maybe you could have a chat with the teacher or assistant principal at the school and tell them just what you said here. Many schools have a zero tolerance for bullying, and they will have to act. The parents will be informed. But be aware, the school and Damian the Omen’s parents will likely be in denial at first! Keep focussed on the fact that you would be doing a lot of kids a big favor (including the bully).</p>