<p>I bet your first thought when you see my screen name is that I’m a male physician, but I’m not. Nope, quite the female. When I got married, I kept my family name because I was already a physician, already licensed, already in the specialty board exam system, and everything else you can think of. So the correct way to address things my husband and me is – Mr. ABC and Dr. XYZ. Not all that difficult, right? Wrong!<br>
One kid’s college got this right, but after four semesters, second kid’s college just can’t seem to get it right. This week, we got two separate mailings where we each got the same letters, one to Mr. ABC, one to Dr. ABC, all to the same address. I’m not Dr. ABC, I’m Dr. XYZ, and my husband and I live in the same house and we don’t need two copies of the same letter. When I write to them again, it will be the fourth, yes, FOURTH time I have corrected them.
I’m trying REEAAALLY hard not to blow a gasket over this – but am I asking too much to be called by my name? (Pause; take deep breath here.)</p>
<p>Yes. (10 char).</p>
<p>Why would you blow a gasket over how your name is entered into some data base somewhere? I am not an MD and I imagine that the failure to recognize that the Mrs. in the household is the MD is the source of a lot of your annoyance. Since I’m not an MD, I can’t relate to that.</p>
<p>But DH and I have different last names and he gets called and written to as Mr. Wife (my last name) and I get called and written to as Mrs. Husband (his last name). What difference does it make?</p>
<p>I know who I am and what I do. I don’t need an envelope to recognize it.</p>
<p>No, you are not. I also have “issues” with this issue. 
The problem is that your name is listed incorrectly in many places in the college. The problem is also that the people who are making the corrections/addressing the mail just don’t care about this too much/don’t have much experience with it. There might be quite a bit of turnover within that group of people, too. Additionally, someone actually has to take a moment to make the correction. I find that it is always difficult to find someone willing to take a moment to do this. Exhale.</p>
<p>jmmom, I call these type of “failures” “inattention to detail.” They do drive me absolutely nuts after I have repeatedly tried to correct them.</p>
<p>One of my kids’ colleges sends everything to to “The family of [student’s name].”</p>
<p>Nice and simple.</p>
<p>Consider whether you really want any of the tuition money your family is paying being spent on making sure that the names of students’ parents are correct. I mean, is this really important to your child’s education?</p>
<p>Actually…both of my kids’ schools (and DS’s grad school) send mailings to “the parents of Student”. It is simple…and they have the kids’ names correct.</p>
<p>LWMD said
</p>
<p>Actually I thought you were from Maryland.</p>
<p>We had this problem with NC income taxes…the forms kept coming to us using one last name, no matter how many times we submitted it with two. </p>
<p>My main objection is the time and money the government and the schools spend duplicating mailings and correcting the wrong assumption. </p>
<p>I answer to anything, but I correct the error.</p>
<p>Aren’t there more important things to worry about? If the social security administration screwed up your name, that might be an issue; but some college?</p>
<p>I guess I do not see how your title of “Doctor” is relevant to materials you may receive from your child’s college. I personally have found that persons who insist on being called “Doctor” in places where the title is immaterial (e.g. by neighborhood kids, in church, etc.) are egotistical and insecure. I have a PhD from MIT, but the only time I am ever called “Doctor” is when I testify in court. I know MDs are called “Doctor” more frequently than PhDs. Nevertheless, perhaps you should worry about other things than which title people use for you. If one of your patient’s calls you by your first name and you would rather they call you “Doctor” then point that out. If a kid down the street or your child’s college roommate doesn’t use the title “Doctor,” perhaps you should just ignore it and deal with more important things.</p>
<p>We’re the same, but mine is a PhD. I don’t care, but H does. He wants me to have my do.</p>
<p>I do think it’s annoying for you that a school can’t get your names right. Ours are always right.</p>
<p>D’s school: Mr. ABC and Dr. XYZ in their data base.</p>
<p>S’s school: Dr. XZY and Mr. ABC every time because DS filled out a form and that’s the way HE wanted it.</p>
<p>So, S’s school, a former all-boy LAC, has been even more progressive with the names than D’s school, an all woman feminist institution.</p>
<p>Yes, it does impress me that they get the names right every time.</p>
<p>The family of student DEF would be fine, too, if they are consistent and correct. I don’t need the acknowledgment, which I suspect the OP doesn’t either, but consistently correct envelopes should be a very minor but nice perk of spending gazzillion dollars at an elite institution.</p>
<p>I bought my house in 1994. In 2000 I got remarried, and a while after that, I deeded the house into H’s and my name. The tax bills immediately started coming with HIS name first and my name second, which seemed odd to me because that means they had to CHANGE my name to second. </p>
<p>It DOES irritate me a little, but not enough to raise a stink.</p>
<p>I can give you one reason. I prepare income tax returns. Most of the time we put the husband’s name first and the wife’s second. Not because we’re sexist, but because it’s not always easy to tell from the name which is which and this avoids confusion. We do have clients who would prefer it the other way around and we are happy to comply. Luckily there are no titles on the return so we don’t have to deal with that issue.</p>
<p>Sometimes it’s just a matter of dealing with the software given. There are some where a person named Christopher has to be called Christoph because there aren’t enough spaces. If they were handwriting and keep getting it wrong, I might object, but computerized mailing just make it difficult to allow for all variations.</p>
<p>LWMD- It doesn’t seem to me to be one of the biggest issues in life. H and I have different last names and the kids are hyphenated. We get all sorts of calls and mail to various combinations of names. I was quite (shamefully) rude to S’s Spanish teacher in 3rd grade when she called the house and asked for Mrs. XYZ when EVERYONE was supposed to know I was Ms. ABC! I was sure it was a solicitation call.<br>
Different names present problems for parts of society. Get used to it. We belonged to a large, affluent church in Dallas and the office staff was totally befuddled about how to handle us in the church directory. They “usually” did it by the husband’s name, but that lost me to anyone trying to contact me who only knew MY name.<br>
I got over it.</p>
<p>My husband and I use different last names. He didn’t want to change his name either. Over the years we have gotten every single permutation of first and last names–including the kids’ name. Middle initials swapped around too. Just think about how little your average data entry person is paid and try to be kind. It’s not a good job.</p>
<p>If it actually bothers you, call the appropriate office and ask them nicely to change it in the database.</p>
<p>It surprises me again and again at CC that so many folk are quick to criticize and belittle other’s concerns and annoyances. Telling other adults to get over it and that their issues are minor is discounting and offensive, and psychoanalyzing as to the real root of the issue is amateur judgment. OP can not like the problems she is encountering and she can vent here. Can we not concentrate on being supportive, rather than critical and dismissive? Too much of CC is deteriorating in this way…it is tiresome.</p>
<p>It’s funny how sometimes things occur in parallel in two different worlds. On one of my professional listserves there is a current discussion about patients calling their (Ph.D) doctors by their first name, not using their professional title (ie using Mr. or Mrs.), or using some colloquial term with the female professionals (ie miss, m’am, honey, etc). It started as a discussion of attorneys doing this purposefully in forensic situations to devalue the qualifications of the expert doctor (calling the Dr. Mr or Ms, implying that “you’re not a ‘real’ doctor”). Where it was purposeful, most professionals were, justifiably (IMO) annoyed. If it was not purposeful, opinions differed as to whether we cared, corrected the client, corrected them more than once, etc. The only uniform opinion was that the female professionals were definitely non-plussed at being called “honey” or “dear” by older clients, even well-meaning older clients.</p>
<p>I use the same last name as my H. Outside of my office, I rarely use my Dr. title (except if I want good dinner reservations 
). At my s’s HS, they usually send things to “Mr. and Dr. ABC” . I happened to get something in the mail yesterday that was a list of donations. In this particular publication, they listed us by our first names (“John and Jane Doe”) whereas they listed others as “Mr. and Dr. XXX” . It caught my eye, and maybe bothered me for a millisecond or so, because it was inconsistent (and because I gave money ). But I am guessing maybe that’s how I filled something out, so it was probably my doing, not theirs. </p>
<p>I have also found that different offices/departments may have different mailing lists/databases, so the address/title may differ in the differing databases. The OP might have to check with the Bursar, the registrar, the PR/Media/Communications office (or whatever they call it) to make the corrections to each database mailing list. </p>
<p>I think that as healthcare professionals, we are used to “fixing” stuff. So when something silly like a title correction doesn’t get fixed after 4 attempts, I can see why the OP might be slightly bothered. Not severely annoyed, but slightly bothered, because attempts to fix it were unsuccessful.</p>
<p>As for Jude’s tax bill, I’d PREFER that tax implications be in my H’s name!!! Then it’s his problem :D</p>
<p>Actually, the OP invited comments and said, “am I asking too much…” The rest of us simply gave our views on how we would react and how seriously we viewed this problem and what our own experiences have been. If you ask for feedback on the internet, you will find some sympathy but you will also get some feedback telling you that perhaps you might be viewing something a little too seriously. The name-thing is something that used to bother me a lot (in my 20s), but I learned that it really wasn’t a personal affront.</p>
<p>I am not a doctor, but I did stay at a Holiday Inn Express last night,
Just kidding.
People seldom spell or pronounce either my first or last name correctly. Not that my first name is difficult, but it is a variation of another , more common name. My last name is Scandinavian, but looks like a name also used in the USA…difference is an accent over the second syllable. Honestly, we let that one slide.
No one ever spells my husband’s name correctly, and they always abbreviate it ( which bothers him )</p>
<p>To expound on Jym’s point, we have a physical address and a P.O. Box. One of the schools my D applied to obviously has her in two different databases, because some mail comes to the physical address and some to the P.O. Box. So maybe the OP needs to collect the correspondence and address each department that is getting it wrong?</p>