<p>A little OT, but I think it’s a shame that employers often can’t tell the truth in an employment context, for fear of litigation.</p>
<p>I just remembered how I learned to decide when to speak up. A business training course for my school position taught us to ask sympathy or solution, everyone you talk to wants one or the other, but not necessarily both.</p>
<p>If someone just needs sympathy, wants to vent, then you will frustrate them if you keep trying to fix the problem, learn to discern when someone needs to vent and let them. Then when they want a fix, you can offer ideas. I apply that reasoning to myself and usually I don’t want sympathy from the wrongdoer, I am not satisfied with venting to them, if I am going to talk to them about it, I want a change, a fix. So, that is why I choose not to talk to the wrongdoer, if they cannot or will not fix it, why bother?</p>
<p>I agree MP, like the whole calling for a reference or in really sad cases, in public schools, the best way to get rid of a lousy employee is hope they find a new job. Very tough to fire an administrator, and expensive, so they often “get quit” instead of “get fired” When they see the writing on the wall, they find a new job and the old district is happy to see them leave and either cannot or will not give a bad reference.</p>
<p>I had a recent illness and one thing that came out of it is that I aslo make a point to tell people when they help me, or just something good about themselves. ie"woe what a great idea" “you were really good with that person”" etc… one thing I dont know how to do is when someone says something I find offensive. A couple of times, I have had someone say something quite judgemental about someone else, I answered them by saying 'well actually this person is really…" but am not sure if this is the way. what I really wanted to say was I find your comment offensive. I have realized how rumors etc… can be hurtful, so I try hard not to join. I do have one frined at work who I know has her own opinion and she gives me her opinion in an honest thoughtful trustful way a good person to bounce things off of. Because i know I will not influence her. It is really hard. I wish i was like Ghandi lol</p>
<p>I felt abused and got cheated financially in my last relationship. No more "Ms. Nice Guy for me.</p>
<p>It was hard, but today at work my colleague wrote me a note, posted on my office door, about not taking anything from her office (space heater). I wrote back that I was hurt and annoyed, that she didn’t ask me about taking her item, but accused me. I mentioned that she should have considered the 2 new secretaries. The item was found in the secretary’s office. I waited 2 hours before responding, but decided that my colleague of 21 years was no real friend and was out of line by posting on my door for patients to read. I have not heard from her this evening, so I suspect my reply ended a rather dubious friendship. It feels weird, as I was so supportive when her spouse died and have been there for her. Nonetheless, I would never have acted as she did in similar situation.</p>
<p>I have been reading the book non violent communication, it has some intersting perspectives and advice.</p>