Every situation is unique, but I can tell you that every coach we’ve talked to has been super transparent about their interest level, either through their words or their actions.
We had coaches that showed strong interest initially, but then let us know they are no longer recruiting for that position. We’ve had coaches roll out the red carpet on visits, talk to my child for an hour+ on the phone selling the kid on the school and program, and then go silent. We’ve also had coaches that have been non-stop checking in with our kid, calling, texting, emailing, etc. In my experience, it will be abundantly clear who really wants you, and who sees you as a nice to have but not a need.
I strongly believe that by 8th grade or higher, if your kid can’t take the lead on the next stage of their athletic and academic career, they’re probably not ready for the competitive environments that await them at a top-tier boarding school.