<p>^ Back in the day, we used to write stuff like that in things called “diaries” – and nobody else was ever allowed to see them. I think that might have helped us learn how to filter our thoughts and get to the point. I was endlessly fascinated with linguistics, circuit design, artificial intelligence, Karnaugh maps, and all manner of things that wouldn’t have made much difference to my parents… honestly, it never really occurred to me to sit down and discuss those topics with them. And breaking down the exact probability of whether I’d get a B+ or an A- in a class? Not a chance.</p>
<p>Jonrie, there’s a big, big difference between taking the time to write a letter to your mom and … asking her to check out your blog and Facebook page, where you’ve spewed every random thought that pops into your head. The former is a kind of outreach that says you’re thinking about the other person. The latter is a self-centered activity that says you expect the other person to be thinking about you.</p>
<p>And yeah, I guess there is the possibility that after raising you to a potentially prosperous adulthood with more or less success, now she’s just not that into you. More likely, though, she’s just demonstrating Maslow’s hierarchy. Bills gotta be paid.</p>
<p>Addendum: Consider the flip side of your situation. I just joked to geek_son that if he had a Facebook page I could see, I’d probably be on it reading every little detail every day. He responded, “Yeah, but you’re a psychotic stalker.” D Sometimes, less is more!</p>
<p>“Yeah, but you’re a psychotic stalker.” But in a GOOD way!</p>
<p>If I was working full-time, had a household and a couple of kids I was responsible for, and had constant money worries, my sense of curiosity would take a huge hit. Plus, I’m just not interested in everything that my kids and husband are interested in, just as they’re not necessarily interested in my passions. It’s OK not to be totally enraptured by your housemates’ work and hobbies.</p>
<p>Hello neighbor in southern Maine! It’s funny, I have to say I sometimes have the same impression of YOUR generation –</p>
<p>– Where is the activism about the situation in Iraq among your generation? We were the “Hell no we won’t go” generation. We tried to change the world. Have you?
– Did you vote in the last election? work on the campaigns? go door-to-door? (I have to say, the only “kids” working in the election offices where I worked in southern Maine were only doing it for school credit, not because of passion)
– Did you stand up against racism, go to Standish and protest the anti-Obama mess there last winter? Did you go to Bonny Eagle recently, did you write letters, did you protest against injustice in the school graduation?
– Have you worked hard to make life better here in Maine? Have you volunteered to clean the beaches? Have you showed your passion for your state, your oceans, wilderness, wetlands? Are you Rachel Carson, Jr.?
– Have you helped the elderly, children, homeless, the abused and battered women, refugees from places like Somalia (plenty of them work at Maine Mall)?</p>
<p>If you can talk about your involvement in these and so many other ways, we can have a conversation, because otherwise I am too busy with my passions and interests (as are my kids, and they don’t judge me so harshly), which include studying for the Praxis (the SAT all over again) to be able to work in schools helping kids in Maine position themselves for the future. </p>
<p>Remind me again, you said my generation is “passionless”?
Only you can answer that question, dear.</p>
<p>But in the air is the sound of a mother’s heart breaking – could it be your mother’s, galoisien?</p>
<p>When I posted above about I am always interested in what my kids are doing, I didn’t mean everything. There is always a boundary between parents and kids. Even our D2 will say, “Filter, lets try some filtering here,” when any of us start to ramble or disclosing too much information. My kids and I are not FB friends. Just because we don’t want blow by blow of what’s going on with our kids, it doesn’t mean we don’t have intellectual curiosity of what’s going on. My kids are often surprised I know more about new gadgets and my husband knows more about the pop culture than them sometimes.</p>
<p>Im thinking- maybe they are exhausted?
I just spent the weekend with " kids" in their late 20’s working on an environmental service project ( we are in charge of a new marine park- that has bare bones funding)
They are energetic workers- but once it is dinner and chat time ( we camped overnight to save time commuting in the morning.)
I had to think - * these are relatively intelligent people- they have more higher ed than I do- attended good colleges, work for Microsoft/the city/ etc* but was I ever that *boring *at that age?
This is an ongoing volunteer project- I will give them that- I was too busy with my own family when I was their age to do volunteer work outside of their schools( I had my first when I was 24), but their interests are narrow.
but they are young- they will learn.</p>
This isn’t about the OP, but I would like to put on my asbestos suit for just a moment and note that among his generation are many outstanding, passionate young people who are trying to change the world… in Iraq. If you want to renew your faith in the younger set and our prospects under their generation’s leadership, corresponding with some of these mature, inspiring young people is a terrific way to do so, regardless of your position on the war. It’s also great training for college care packages! :)</p>
<p>Pizzagirl: Uhh, that post doesn’t count (it’s not a typical post). I like how you cherry-pick the most uninteresting posts =) … why not the ones where I went for night walks, or revisited old schools, wrote about issues concerning the Singapore education policy on Singlish (since well, my family speaks it) and there are plenty of items that aren’t “esoteric”. fb replaces that niche now, but plenty of people have chimed in over the years … but not my mother. Even my amoral father, who abandoned the family, has read it. There are posts catered to an audience and posts catered to myself of course. And blogging was just an example – there are many other avenues untaken too.</p>
<p>Some parents have a hard time learning how to relate to their independent child. I think your mom may be one of them.</p>
<p>ALL parents have a hard time learning how to relate to their independent child. We learn to do that at different speeds, just like your friends become independent at different times. </p>
<p>The thing that has tripped me up since kids’ babyhoods was this: just as soon as I get used to relating to the child on the child’s terms, she goes and changes and I have to learn all over again I think that’s what’s happened to your mom; she hasn’t yet learned that you’ve been continuing to change and she’s still relating to you as you were 6 months or a year ago, in part because she doesn’t see the changes happening day to day.</p>
<p>Pick your topics, pick your spots, and trust that she will come around. What you are describing is a function of how EACH of you are acting, nor just her, so be judicious and interesting . . . then hang up before the conversation goes on too long :-)</p>
<p>Dude, I’m not a citizen. I can’t afford the 580 dollars (or whatever it is now) to take the citizenship exam. Maybe next year, or when I graduate … so no voting for me.</p>
<p>I dunno about you, but the kids I know working in school offices were extremely dedicated kids who cared about their party. But I don’t really believe in the political system – I’m a social libertarian and prefer grassroots / social activism, not regulation. I don’t think you can change social attitudes through fiat or the legislature, or even by picketing. There is this fable about a guy with a coat, the Wind and the Sun…</p>
<p>I haven’t been to Maine in over a year. I think I’m moving to Virginia. Maine is not exactly a cosmopolitan place – and I can’t change it by myself. Northern Virginia seems much more promising in the multicultural aspect. I knew many Somali schoolmates in high school – I tutored some of them, and one of them became my good friends. A marginalized group with lots of social barriers. There was this huge wall that was hard to break and of course the school administration kept mum about the elephant in the room. I did write plenty about it (w00t! blogging!) … I sent two entries to the magazine that year, only one was approved. The one that got denied didn’t really like my criticism of monocultural attitudes in the school I guess.</p>
<p>Of course, when you talked to South Portland parents, none of them really cared.</p>
<p>You: Is there a difference between vanilla and vanillin?
Parents: Yes.
You: Is the cost difference great enough to affect the recipe?
Parent: Its not the cost but the flavor difference.
You: But I’m trying to economize.
Parent: Good for you.
You: Is the flavor difference that great?
Parent: Yes.
You: What is the difference?
Parent: Hard to discribe. Best that you buy one of each, and taste the difference.
You: But that means I have to buy two bottles.
Parent: [sigh]</p>
<p>Yes. Exactly. Galoisien, your attitude seems to be, “Well, if I find it interesting, why wouldn’t she?” </p>
<p>I think it’s actually very insightful that she does talk about things that interest her – office politics and the cities she travels to – but, well, they don’t interest you, so if something doesn’t interest you, by definition it must not be interesting.</p>
<p>Hey OP! Aren’t you the one who was cooking turkey leg congee over the holidays? That was fun! No way my kids would share my interest in making congee. Thank God for the internet!</p>
<p>Fine, Galoisien, I’ll pick a more recent example … you were interested in trying:</p>
<p>“MSG with cupcakes
MSG with coffee (without milk and sugar, and with milk and sugar)
MSG with green tea
MSG with garlic bread (since the taste MSG is enhanced by garlic compounds?)
MSG with toasted cumin and tamarind”</p>
<p>Honestly, if my son were telling me about that and expecting me to find it interesting, I’d be giving them the ol’ “uh-huh” “that’s nice, dear” and hoping that the conversation would turn to something more interesting. It’s about as interesting to me as the Pokemon cards were when he was five years old. I’d be glad for his enthusiasm in learning, but the subject matter? Bo-ring except maybe to someone else interested in food science / chemistry.</p>
<p>lol LongPrime I never attributed recipe impact to cost difference, but rather I was trying to calculate utility per unit cost. </p>
<p>Re: vanillin – after some experimenting I think bare vanillin is decent. I can see where the accessory compounds would be handy, though. I wouldn’t say that the effect of natural vanilla is “hard to describe” either. Perhaps they activate receptors that inhibit the unpleasant side effects of pure vanillin.</p>
<p>PizzaGirl: I dunno, the whole prospect of exploring a poorly-researched (or poorly publicised) new dimension of taste would seem kind of interesting. I find office politics a curiosity too – but that’s not all I would want to hear.</p>
<p>OP, some of the many threads that you’ve started on CC are on subjects that I find to be boring: MSG, Vanilla, why people want biological children. I also saw a post in which you complained that your mom wasn’t interested in talking in depth about your college essays. From what I’ve seen, many students don’t want to talk to their parents about their essays because the students want to write something that is independent of their parent’s perspective. </p>
<p>I agree with people that if you’re hoping your mom will hang onto your every random thought, that’s not likely and could reflect a self centeredness that is causing adults to not be that interested in talking to you or in sharing their perspectives on things they care about.</p>
<p>Pizzagirl, did you know Pokemon is still a phenomenon in some circles?
A teacher in a school where I was volunteering, was using them to - reward- the students for various things.
I was surprised- I thought those were so '90s</p>
<p>I will admit that the detail of questions that the OP asks, are puzzling to my train of thought, because they are really questions to which personal preference matters most after the technical details are recieved.</p>
<p>I mean if one thing doesn’t turn out the way you want it, one time, then change it the next.
It is not that BFD.</p>
I think that might have helped us learn how to filter our thoughts and get to the point. I was endlessly fascinated with linguistics, circuit design, artificial intelligence, Karnaugh maps, and all manner of things that wouldn’t have made much difference to my parents… honestly, it never really occurred to me to sit down and discuss those topics with them. And breaking down the exact probability of whether I’d get a B+ or an A- in a class? Not a chance.</p>
He responded, “Yeah, but you’re a psychotic stalker.” 
D Sometimes, less is more!</p>
I think that’s what’s happened to your mom; she hasn’t yet learned that you’ve been continuing to change and she’s still relating to you as you were 6 months or a year ago, in part because she doesn’t see the changes happening day to day.</p>