<p>OK, I just read the title and wasn’t curious enough and lacked the passion to see whether anyone else posted the Mark Twain saw, but it seems like it applies here.</p>
<p>yes it has been posted</p>
<p>This behavior is an adaptive trait.
[theculturalconnect.com</a> | A Nation of Narcissists](<a href=“http://www.theculturalconnect.com/magazines/desi/2007-04-03/rearview]theculturalconnect.com”>theculturalconnect.com | A Nation of Narcissists)
;)</p>
<p>
</p>
<p>Of course not. But she hasn’t even seen either fb or blogging once. My sister and I do both regularly, and my mother’s pretty tech-savvy (though not internet forum savvy).</p>
<p>She has never heard me speak about neurobio, linguistics (except for matters of Chinese or Singlish, and then the level of discussion is like what you would talk about to a Singapore taxi driver) or any of the topics I study. Zero. She has never seen my schoolwork, a single essay, or a single creative piece I have written.</p>
<p>And YET she wants to lecture me on how to write a personal statement or things she learnt 30 years ago about various correspondences when she doesn’t bother to look at my writing. And when I turn off and decline her advice (since it’s so generalised and unhelpful), or decline to hear a long remark or “tip” on something I could easily google, she takes offence.</p>
<p>Yeah but enough about my mother – I mean, to me it’s more of a fact of life and I love her anyway. But I observe the same thing with adults in general, and so have my friends about their parents, and hence, even people who have studied at the London School of Economics or people at highly successful financial or IT positions. It’s funny to find out from a teacher that, “wow you were into X when you were younger?” and you try to talk to them about it and they just shrug and make a remark about how it was decades ago…</p>
<p>“It’s funny to find out from a teacher that, “wow you were into X when you were younger?” and you try to talk to them about it and they just shrug and make a remark about how it was decades ago…”</p>
<p>I was so into Sailor Moon when I was younger but I can’t even remember the name of the villain anymore. The fact that they USED to be into it is the telling thing. </p>
<p>I had a high school teacher who was quite into the feminist movement in her day, but was not really interested in talking about it more than in passing. However, a single comment on the old english on the chalkboard, intended for a different class, caused an entire period’s diversion on the origins of modern english, including readings from Beowulf and the Canterbury Tales. Some found it fascinating, but others who weren’t so much into language were just wishing we could return to our discussion of Oedipus. </p>
<p>Just because someone’s passion isn’t obvious doesn’t mean he or she doesn’t have one. I think the main difference is that, unlike yourself, adults have the discretion to recognize that many will be bored to tears by pedantic lectures about what they personally find fascinating.</p>
<p>
</p>
<p>Galoisien, this is a perfect example. You draw out something that’s simple - making a darn recipe - into gobs and gobs of detail over the most minute of aspects, you assume that everyone finds the mechanics of food chemistry utterly fascinating – it’s pedantic and boring. Instead of assuming that “other people are incurious,” you might want to take a look at yourself. Honestly, your excruciating attention to the most banal of details doesn’t make me want to learn more about what you’re talking about – it turns me off.</p>
<p>If a detail was banal, I’d love to know. No sense fussing over something that won’t affect the recipe. Sometimes I want to know, “if I change X, will it be significant”? So maybe it turns out that X wasn’t that all significant, but the question was. There are interesting innovations lurking – combinations-that-sound-nasty-but-actually-taste-quite-good. (Take for example, brewing tea in hot milk oatmeal, with brown sugar, cinnamon and syrup.)</p>
<p>galoisien, I happen to be in complete agreement with you that many adults seem to have lost their curiosity and passion. Then again, I find many of your other threads interesting, especially the minutia of cooking ones. (Perhaps I’m in the minority?) I think your interest in cooking, with its practical and academic applications, curious and intriguing, especially in a young man (you ARE a guy, right?).</p>
<p>You may just have to accept that your mother will never share your enthusiasms. Really, that’s OK, because you will spend less and less time with your mother and much more with your chosen cohort as you grow older. My advice: go in to a research or creative field and move to a city like mine, NY. This place is overflowing with people whose eccentric curiosities could not be contained and had to move to a more tolerant and supportive environment.</p>
<p>BTW, I love linguistics. I cannot understand not being interested in arguably the one phenomenon that distinguishes humans from animals. Also, I liked what you said about talking to a kid about their Pokemon obsession.</p>
<p>(One thing though-- you use the word “lecture” a lot in reference to your mother speaking to you. Don’t know if it has the same connotation for you that it does for me, but people rarely enjoy being lectured at. You might ask yourself if people might be tuning you out because of your “lecturing” tone. If, indeed, your mother does a lot of lecturing at you, you may have adopted the same tone yourself.)</p>
<p>
</p>
<p>Yes. This is known as normal. I majored in economics and mathematics and I never discussed the finer points of either field with my parents either. If they had found economics and mathematics so fascinating, I’m sure they would have taken courses in those areas themselves. But, see, here’s the funny thing – <em>I</em> was the one in college, not them. I had classmates and professors to discuss academic subjects with. I wanted to do FUN things with my parents, talk about shared experiences, travel, current politics, music, movies, what my friends and I were up to, etc.</p>
<p>
</p>
<p>Gosh, when she turns <em>you</em> off, that’s just awful, but when you turn <em>her</em> off, why, that’s completely understandable. Do you really “decline her advice” or “decline to hear a long remark or tip”? Do you seriously not have the social skills to listen politely, thank her and then just take or ignore the advice as you see fit? Or is it more important to you to let her know that you find her advice unhelpful?</p>
<p>
</p>
<p>Galoisien, the answer to many of your queries is simply “Try it and see if you like it that way.” Sometimes there is no more discussion to be had beyond that. Certainly normal people don’t obsess over vanillin vs vanilla; they try both, figure out which one they like, and move on. They don’t have to ask others for advice on how to handle it, any more than they need to ask others for advice as to whether they should have a turkey sandwich or a ham sandwich for lunch.</p>
<p>
</p>
<p>I like linguistics as well, but I’m far more interested in American regional accents, personally. Which is a different area from what appears to interest Galoisien. I couldn’t care less about Singlish. So I don’t get how not being interested in <em>his</em> particular area means intellectual incuriosity.</p>
<p>
</p>
<p>I couldn’t disagree more. Food chemistry IS fascinating because it is all about the “why” and “how” of cooking, from why we eat what we eat, how it evolved, and what are the possible infinite improvisations to a recipe that will change its flavor, texture, etc. Talk to any good chef and that’s all they think about. I find it pretty darn miraculous, especially when eating in a fine restaurant.</p>
<p>I worked for a major food company (household name) for over a decade. I knew and worked alongside many food scientists, including those with PhD’s in food science. I found my area of expertise – marketing – far more fascinating than food science. Ah well, different strokes for different folks. How boring would it be if we all found the same things fascinating?</p>
<p>
</p>
<p>Yes, so I don’t discuss it with my mother.</p>
<p>But then she wants to know why I don’t enjoy talking to her beyond very short status updates.</p>
<p>
</p>
<p>When was it completely awful when she turned me off? It’s just OK, if you don’t want to hear about it, stop complaining when I prefer to have my 2 hour phone calls with my college friends where we actually have some meaningful discussion.</p>
<p>
</p>
<p>Tried that first.</p>
<p>It sort of gets on your nerves when it occurs regularly, multiple times a day, or when you say, “OK, I’ve got it handled! I’ll sort it out thanks!” but she insists on bringing up yet another piece of advice!</p>
<p>
</p>
<p>Hey I like American regional accents too. So I don’t know why you think it doesn’t interest me. I bring up Singlish because my mother is Singaporean Chinese and it would seem to be the one topic of linguistics that SHOULD interest her because she speaks it, right?</p>
<p>(I talk about American regional accents to American friends, naturally, and I always use metaphors / accessible examples when explaining a new concept, e.g. when examples like Singlish or Nicaraguan Sign Language are pertinent because they are an interesting case study of language development, etc.)</p>
<p>I find marketing to be fascinating too, for many of the same reasons I find linguistics or food chemistry or just plain cooking interesting— the manipulation of the known, or sometimes unknown, world, and the consequences thereof. Maybe curiosity is dependent on recognizing patterns.</p>
<p>As for vanilla or vanillin—it’s not the topic so much as galoisien’s grappling with it that I find entertaining. Of course, there are simple, direct ways to figure out which is preferable. That almost seems besides the point in his threads.</p>
<p>Also, I know my mother has made sacrifices and all and that’s why I desire some sort of meaningful conversation occasionally … but wouldn’t you find it annoying if your parents expected YOU to call THEM regularly and inform them of what’s going on, and they want YOU to tell them all the mundane details that really concern you? </p>
<p>My mother wants to know “where I live” every time I change apartments (I switched twice this summer). But of course, what would a placename like “Jefferson Park Avenue” mean to her when she isn’t familiar with Grounds as I am? But she isn’t satisfied with the description of the interior, or how far it is from the academic buildings – she keeps asking “where” and then when I finally tell her she can’t understand anyway. She virtually wants a timetable of my schedule but isn’t actually interested in what I’m doing. And then she asks me how I’m doing, all I can say is “things are fine, I’ll manage” because how can she understand my concern about issue X or research lab Y when she has never bothered to talk to me about X or Y before? My nutrition is fine. I’m happy with my weight loss. You don’t need to send more money. Please, stop fussing over sending me glasses or clothes or whether the weather is alright or whether I’ve been walking too much. I <em>like</em> walking. I am however interested in a little summer reading and self-studying Mandarin over the summer … but I guess you don’t want to talk about that. And then she senses that I’m not mentioning a lot of things and gets annoyed because she thinks I don’t want to talk to her. Which is true. And false. I’d like to talk to you, but I also don’t want to talk to you, because you make every conversation so tedious!</p>
<p>My kids think my life is “boring” but I beg to differ. I have had enough drama in life and now chose to pursue things that interest me. I have been taking drawing and watercolor classes and I love it. I truly have a passion for it. I also have a passion for international politics that I pursue via guest speakers, NPR and the web. I’m also a voracious reader. I don’t feel the need to prove to my grown children my intellectual curiosity even when they are in doubt of it.</p>
<p>Oh, and I keep phone conversations short and sweet. No guilt trips or nagging.</p>
<p>
</p>
<p>Well it’s not because it’s a simple 50/50 question. I mean if it were a simple decision as deciding which to use I wouldn’t make a thread about it.</p>
<p>There’s vanillin and vanilla.</p>
<p>But then there’s vanillin mixed with other spices in order to substitute for the accessory compounds that would be in plant vanilla. Besides, learning a bit about what exactly you’re missing out (chemically) would provide insights about how to best use BOTH plant vanilla and organically-synthesised vanillin.</p>
<p>There’s the issue that plant vanilla has storage issues, a lot of the accessory compounds get destroyed by heat or baking anyway, and you want to know how to maximise the use of both. And the whole topic is so rife with questions that you ask.</p>
<p>Ingredient substitutions are a little more tricky than a 50/50 decision.</p>
<p>[While we’re on the topic, what about vanillin, nutmeg, cloves, cinnamon and tea leaves VERSUS vanilla (+ the same spices as a control)? ]</p>
<p>I spent 20 years in food processing and development. Hated every minute of it. I only dabble in food for substanence and to use different gelling agents for the perfect jam. Like like my sweets 
, which I can’t eat 
diabetic II.</p>
<p>
</p>
<p>To me the bigger question is why your mother senses from you that you don’t enjoy talking to her (when it’s still pretty simple to do the “uh-huh, thanks mom, that’s a good point,” and then hang up and do what you want to do anyway).</p>
<p>I wonder how it feels from her point of view that she’s talking to her beloved son in another state and she can tell that he doesn’t enjoy talking to her and finds her boring? That must hurt, from a mother’s point of view.</p>