<p>Asian (or South Asian at least) culture is just generally a lot more open about weight. Whereas weight is a more taboo topic in the US. I’ve heard family members tell others that they’ve gained weight, lost weight, become fat, become skinny, etc. No one takes it to heart. It’s just not considered to be a very serious thing. Western countries tend to have more issues with eating disorders and body image, so that’s probably why it’s considered to be more touchy here.
I don’t think that judgments can be made on OP’s dad without more information.</p>
<p>Of course there are exceptions to almost every rule, but there are cultures that tend to have specific attitudes or behaviors. I have worked with thousands of patients and I can safely say that these are some things I have observed:</p>
<pre><code> Asian parents tend to shush their babies from crying as soon as they make the first whimper.
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<p>Hispanic parents try to feed their babies a lot and seem upset when the babies don’t gain a lot of weight before being discharged.
African-American parents tend to call their babies “greedy” when they breast feed a lot (but it’s actually a normal amount of time).
Caucasian women tend to utilize staff more when they need assistance and don’t want to bother their husbands/partners who are sleeping nearby. Hispanic and AA women wake their partners up more to help. Asian women usually have females stay with them and if it’s their male partner, he anticipates her needs and she doesn’t have to ask. </p>
<p>So all of that is to say that it is extremely possible that it is the “norm” for Asian parents to be critical of weight - but it isn’t only an Asian thing. </p>
<p>Flame suit on. </p>
<p>A couple of comments: first, comments about weight, no matter how mildly worded, may be translated into more insulting-sounding terms. We don’t know what the OP’s father actually said. Second, lots of kids in the U.S. are overweight, of all ethnic persuasions. It is not necessarily inappropriate for their parents to try to urge them to lose weight, any more than it would be inappropriate for parents to, say, urge their kids to quit smoking. Finally, I’m sorry to say that there is some truth to this:
Appearance may not be the most important thing in an interview, but it definitely matters.</p>
<p>The OP asked “why is it okay for Asian parents to say it bluntly to their kids that they gained some weight, even if they are not overweight or obese?” If you have a naturally slim build, which is common among Asians, by the time you get to what our country calls “overweight”, you would long ago have passed that line. And unfortunately once people gain excess weight it’s extremely difficult to stabilize at a lower weight again. </p>
<p>In the absence of any real objective measure, the definition of overweight is going to be what looks and feels right to people. Asian societies are not as overweight as the US so they probably feel that thinner is more normal. Being brought up here, the children of Asian immigrants probably feel that a little more weight is normal. But even if you look in US fashion magazines and at Hollywood, you’ll see that stick-thin isn’t exactly today’s ideal of American attractiveness. </p>
<p>What is well documented is the risk of belly fat. So it might be a place to start, if the OP isn’t carrying much belly fat then weight is probably not a health issue and perhaps this can be discussed with the parents. I’m assuming that the parents care about the OP’s health. And if the parents care only about appearance and the marketability of a certain appearance, it’s probably worth pointing out to them that to US eyes, super-thin people may look unhealthy. I’ve certainly seen a few people where the first thought that came to mind was “is it anorexia or cancer?”</p>
<p>It’s pretty cool to see how different body types care weight. I’ve seen muscular builds handle fat better than slim builds mainly due to their muscle tone and body shape. Just going by appearances, body types can look heavier than they really are.</p>
<p>Cultures handle the discussion of weight differently. Weight discussions are more open in Europe, Asia and the Americas than the US. I’ve heard parents greet their child and awe about how fat they are getting. Should this be encouraged? No. Is this the case? Yes. </p>
<p>Personally, I’ve heard it in my family. Too many times. Growing up it did have an effect on me, but there was nothing I could do about it. So I got over it, embraced myself for who I was, and brushed off the comments as they came.</p>
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<p>I dunno about nobody taking it to heart. The OP is apparently taking it to heart.</p>
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<p>Trust me, as someone who came from a family where the more pre-professional side of my family did emphasize appearances a bit more and DID comment on weight, it was taken to heart, especially by the female cousins. </p>
<p>Happened to be visiting older relatives as an 11 year old when I overheard the aunt arguing with her younger daughter about “gaining too much weight” even though she was participating in and successfully winning beauty pageants in the West Coast during her HS and undergrad years. </p>
<p>Said aunt was also a bit jerky with me considering I was a fat kid for most of my childhood. What’s more ironic is that she’s also one aunt who upon seeing me at the end of my first year in college expressed horror at how “Cobrat’s too skinny! He needs to eat!” </p>
<p>Incidentally, while I do come from a Chinese-American extended family, this aunt also happens to be the “most Americanized” relative who disdained academics/“being too intellectual” and placed much more premium on looks and social butterfly activities like joining sororities/fraternities. As much as I do love her for meaning well, her behaviors and actions do seem to fit more with the stereotypical California valley girl/parent than with most Chinese-American parents I’ve experienced. </p>
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<p>That is why the waist/height ratio tend to be more specific and less confounded by other things (like muscle weight confounding weight or BMI based assessments of health risks). Yes, your rock hard six pack abs might be a little bigger than if you did not exercise them, but if you can see your six pack, it should be pretty clear that you do not really have to worry about belly fat and therefore do not have to worry about your waist/height ratio.</p>
<p>I had a good friend in college whose family lived in South Korea, they sent her to the US for boarding school and then for college so she had been in the US a long time. She was probably a size 6 or 8 tops and her family would always criticize her for being fat, which she was not, at all. She didn’t seem to mind so much, but it was hard to tell. When she graduated she had to go back to S Korea, and I saw her maybe six months later and she was no bigger than a size 4 and had learned to do her hair and make up. It was a drastic change. She seemed happy, but I always felt bad about her parents bugging her about it when we were in school. She lived in America for so long that in a lot of ways she was more American than I was, but her parents were not okay with that in any way, shape, or form. She explained to me that to them, she did seem really fat because they don’t even sell clothes her bigger size in some stores in S Korea. I guess I can understand that but it still seems awfully mean.</p>
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<p>Other threads around here have discussed how difficult it can be for small, skinny, or athletic people to find clothes in the US.</p>
<p>If you look at size labels on some Adidas sportswear, you may note that the size for JP (Japan) is different from the size for other countries on the same label on the same article. I.e. medium for US, EU, etc. may be large for JP. A few people on the web have written pages about “Adidas Asian sizing”.</p>
<p>Well, I’m Asian too and our parents would call us fat, skinny and even give nickname all the time. No one in my family take it personally, and it’s not like they’re joking because they honestly mean what they say. I would tell my mom that she’s so fat if I notice it, she would worry about what can she do to lose weight and not for single second take it as an offense. But there’s still some limit, you can only say things like that to family members or close friends.</p>
<p>D1 gained some weight freshman year. I had a discussion with her about her weight and offered to send her to a nutritionist. Turned out, she was drinking too much alcohol. As soon as she cut it out she was back to her normal weight.</p>
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<p>Are you kidding me? Kids can insult their parents ? I’m SO glad I’m not part of that culture if this really exists… I was very slender until 40 but life changes. My weight is between me and my Dr.<br>
Do You really feel entitled to comment on your parent’s weight? How about their gray hair and wrinkles? Their bank balance? The state of their landscaping or home upkeep? </p>
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But it isn’t considered an insult in foafoa’s culture. I think that was the point. </p>
<p>@dragonmom:
Note that Asian culture insulting your parents is the last thing you would want to do. But there are things considered an insult and things that are not.It’s just the cultural difference. When we tell each other that “you’re fat” it is not translate to anything insulted. Age, weight, height is considered normal topic in daily conversation among those that have close relationship, so are other things like gray hair and wrinkles. </p>
<p>Also, “Bank balance, the state of their landscaping or home upkeep” are not the topic that I’m allowed to comment on. </p>
<p>And lastly, I don’t understand why you react so negative. The world is big and every culture is different. In Korea people eat dog, in France they eat horse, in Thailand they even eat cockroaches. And by saying you’re so glad you’re not being a part of some culture is a big insult in any language, I believe.</p>
<p>Maybe that’s the problem: for the foreign-born Asian parents, “you look fat” is not an insult. But for their American-born children, “you look fat” is definitely an insult.</p>
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<p>Add to that the fact that in many of the countries of origin in Asia, people are generally skinnier, so the perception of what is “fat” there differs from what is “fat” in the US (regardless of whether the perceptions there or in the US match up with medical risks of obesity).</p>
<p>Something worth noting is that, in a medical context, Asian people tend to have a higher body fat percentage and higher risk of metabolic syndrome for the same BMI compared to white people. So, regardless of whether being called “fat” by your parents is bothersome, be aware that commonly used BMI thresholds for health risks may underestimate obesity-related health risks for Asian people. For example, in <a href=“Figure - PMC”>http://www.ncbi.nlm.nih.gov/pmc/articles/PMC2989340/figure/F3/</a> , Asian people with normal range BMI of 22 have similar rates of diabetes and prediabetes as white people with obese range BMI of 31. Of course, this is more evidence that BMI can mismeasure obesity-related health risks on an individual basis on many people.</p>
<p><a href=“http://www.halls.md/bmi/race.htm”>http://www.halls.md/bmi/race.htm</a> and <a href=“http://www.nature.com/ijo/journal/v22/n12/pdf/0800741a.pdf”>http://www.nature.com/ijo/journal/v22/n12/pdf/0800741a.pdf</a>
<a href=“Asian Americans Have Greater Prevalence of Metabolic Syndrome Despite Lower Body Mass Index - PMC”>http://www.ncbi.nlm.nih.gov/pmc/articles/PMC2989340/</a></p>