<p>I want to understand why cool kids hate introverts and nerds so much. In my experience, the cool kids are nice at first, but as soon as they notice that I am not as socially adept as they are (it usually takes them seconds to notice), they reject me very quickly. Can someone tell me why that happens?</p>
<p>Is it because cool kids feel intellectually superior to kids with low social skills? (Sort of like the same way English majors tend to feel superior to people who can’t write well.)</p>
<p>Is it because they feel embarrassed to be seen with people like us?</p>
<p>Is it because they are paranoid that we see them as idiots because they aren’t nerds?</p>
<p>Is it because they envy us?</p>
<p>Is it because they perceive us as a bunch of arrogant, sociopathic losers who couldn’t bother to learn how to treat people? Is that why we are so contemptible to them?</p>
<p>When I am not doing my homework I am usually sleeping, in class or in front of my computer, which is most of the time. Not all people enjoy hanging out with people as much as you do, Alexis, so don’t make it sound like we made the wrong sacrifice.</p>
<p>What soccerguy said. If you don’t enjoy hanging out with people, they won’t enjoy hanging out with you. Change your attitude and they’ll change theirs.</p>
<p>It’s because some people enjoy spending their free time doing things different than how other people like spending their free time. I make fun of the guys that dress up and hit eachother with pretend swords on sundays, they make fun of me for playing football on the drillfield. I make fun of the guys that stay in and watch TV with their friends at night, they make fun of me for going out and drinking every weekend. Is one of us better than the other? Not in any concrete sense.</p>
<p>"</p>
<p>Is it because cool kids feel intellectually superior to kids with low social skills? (Sort of like the same way English majors tend to feel superior to people who can’t write well.)"</p>
<p>No. Nobody cares enough to put that much thought into you.</p>
<p>“Is it because they feel embarrassed to be seen with people like us?”</p>
<p>Not usually. Especially at first. If you’re really annoying or embarrassing for some reason (clingers, etc) like having no idea how to behave among others then maybe.</p>
<p>Is it because they are paranoid that we see them as idiots because they aren’t nerds?</p>
<p>No. Hardly anyone that just met you could care less what you think of them.</p>
<p>Is it because they envy us?</p>
<p>Haha no.</p>
<p>Is it because they perceive us as a bunch of arrogant, sociopathic losers who couldn’t bother to learn how to treat people? Is that why we are so contemptible to them?"</p>
<p>No. Nobody cares that much but you apparently.</p>
<p>Also, as an introvert who has become a lot more extroverted over my years in college, remember this: Social skills are incredibly important in the real world (much more so than technical skills). A lot of people can plug and chug formulas, or devise ideas. Much fewer of them can talk to people, sell themselves, and pitch their ideas.</p>
<p>Oh yeah, in college, there isn’t anything like “cool.” TBH, it seems like you have an inferiority complex to people who are more social. Try to force yourself to talk to strangers (maybe even only one person a day), until you get more comfortable with it.</p>
<p>"Is it because they are paranoid that we see them as idiots because they aren’t nerds?</p>
<p>Is it because they envy us?'</p>
<p>No</p>
<p>“Is it because they perceive us as a bunch of arrogant, sociopathic losers who couldn’t bother to learn how to treat people? Is that why we are so contemptible to them?”</p>
<p>Yes, because that’s frequently true. Also, frequently we nerds are unintentionally awkward or mean and don’t realize it, thus alienating the cool kids.</p>
<p>You might have an easier time at a campus which has mostly science and engineering students. You would have a much greater proportion of people similar to yourself and talking to them should be easy and comfortable. This would build your social skills. Having something in common with others is often a good icebreaker.</p>
<p>I was in a public speaking class many years ago and we were given a lecture on being interesting. Basically try and take a little interest in many things - sometimes to the point of doing research. Read the newspaper, take in talks in other departments, learn a little about things outside your comfort zone. Also learn how to ask questions about things that you don’t know about. This kind of background can make you more comfortable in social situations with different people.</p>
<p>This may interest some of the “nerds” out there. My DD is one of the “cool kids” - pretty, outgoing, cool major (in the performing arts). She is really drawn to some kids who others would classify as “nerdy.” She finds these kids quirky and interesting. And it seems that once my DD befriends one of these kids, he/she is then drawn in to her larger circle of friends and there really is a ripple effect. So, don’t just assume that the “cool girl” isn’t interested in being friendly with you - maybe she is - and, if you’re interested in being friends with her, be open to her friendly approach!</p>
<p>I don’t think the whole “cool people disliking nerds” thing has been around since 8th or 9th grade. It’s just that sometimes people get bad vibes from other people, or just don’t hit it off.</p>
<p>I guess it depends on what kind of nerds you’re talking about; the quiet, studious, intelligent types or the ones who are like half crazed and never wash and talk to themselves. Obviously the latter are a little creepy to be around.</p>
<p>This quote basically shows why people don’t want to befriend you:
</p>
<p>Do you not realize you can be cool and NOT be an idiot? Maybe if you step off that high horse and stop isolating yourself, you won’t be perceived as a nerd and people won’t immediately “reject” you.</p>
<p>I know plenty of people who are intelligent and interesting who are “cool”. I also know kids who are “nerdy” but have great social lives, are confident, and have lots of friends. They aren’t mutually exclusive. But you yourself claim that you spend your free time doing homework, sleeping, or on your computer. Why would people go out of their way to make friends with someone who has NO interest in socializing with them? Why would they befriend you if you isolate yourself?</p>
<p>Making yourself approachable and dropping the whole “wah wah I’m a nerd and the cool kids are just jealous and mean” act with be a good step. Then actually show some interest in making a friend, start getting to know someone, one friday drop the casual “any plans this weekend?” and viola, you have friends!</p>