Why do I get worried about my own college plans when I hear my friend talk about his?

College Life
1

Going to a community college and then UCR and major in International Relations (or straight to UCR, depends on my SATs) and then to law school for divorce law. UCR is close to home, smaller and fits my personal agendas - thus why I plan to go there.

A friend is planning to major in Computer Science and wants to major in 100 things at the same time, and is overly obsessed with the name of the college. At first, he was concerned with getting into Ivy-Leagues and extension schools, then UCs, etc. and basically said that he wants to be in college forever. He is obsessed with getting into Caltech, Oxy, etc. and changes his plan every other week. I mean, I do support him, just worried when he starts saying “Obama went to X college, so I have to get in.” “This college gets students more jobs.” etc…

My parents, who have gone to UCLA and medical school, and whom I trust, tell me that undergrad doesn’t matter and that I should calm down and just focus on getting the actual education. I’ve spoken to various peers and people that I know who went to college, and when they said the exact same thing: “You shouldn’t be worried about what your friend plans. You should just get your education and intern at a law firm, for example, while at it. Don’t worry at all.”.

Why do I get paranoid about my own plans when I hear him planning his? Thanks in advance for your time.

2

“Why do I get paranoid about my own plans when I hear him planning his? Thanks in advance for your time.”

Because your practical plan sounds perfectly mundane next to your friend’s drama.
Listen to your parent’s advice and quit worrying.

(one piece of advice though–don’t plan just yet on what type of law you’d like to practice.)

3

Stay in your lane. :slight_smile: Your life is different from his. And you have the common sense to not get caught up in the hype.

4

“You shouldn’t be worried about what your friend plans.”

Exactly right. You sound like you have a very good perspective, and are getting good advice from parents and other adults. There are a LOT of very good universities in the US (and in other countries), and there is no need nor much reason to go to a “big name” one for undergrad, particularly when your plans probably will include graduate school or law school. If graduate or law school are in the picture, there are good reasons to get good grades as an undergrad, learn good study habits, and to try to avoid or minimize debt as an undergrad.

You have a friend with bad ideas. This theme will repeat many times in life. They can still be good friends. Just don’t let their bad ideas throw you out of your good perspective.

His bad ideas are unfortunately shared by many other people in this country (mostly high school students in this case). This theme will also repeat many times in life.

Also for your SATs, I assume that you know that a small amount of preparation (SAT class and/or tutor) can help quite a bit.

5

Agree, just be sure you are comfortable and happy with your own plans, that your plans are realistic and affordable, and that they can get you where you want to go in life. That should be your concern. You want to support your friend but there is no need to compare or to get caught up in his prestige trip.

6

You can also tell your friend you’d like both of you to take a break from talking about colleges and talk about other subjects of mutual interest–movies, books, video games, upcoming vacation plans, sports, politics, dating, etc. It’s much healthier for both of you to talk about a variety of topics instead of constantly talking about college plans.

7

Because your fiend is overwhelming you, laying all his concerns on you, apparently, relentlessly. Those are his problems, not yours. Agree, there are nice ways to change the subject. You’ve received nice advice from people in your real life.

8

It sounds like you have a realistic plan and his is pie in the sky…sure it would be awesome to go to the top schools and major in a cool major and have everything be awesome…but that is not likely.

You do you.

9

If you want to catch your friend’s disease, you have come to the right website. There are tons of obsessed and dramatic future college students on these boards.

You’re fine. Now back away carefully…

10

Your friend is, unintentionally or intentionally, planting that seed of paranoia. Some friendships can be toxic. You need to tell your friend you think it is best for both of you to take a break from the college discussions for awhile. If he persists, spend less time with him.

11

Hey, thanks for your replies.

I guess you’re right.

For the past months, I’ve been worrying the hell out of myself over if I am not as good as my friend, or if he will start comparing me and bragging how “College X that I’m going is where Y person went to and I’m going to be set for life.” (his mentally basically, from what I kept seeing: the name is everything).

I’ve had to watch him plan out his “backdoor to an Ivy” plan, then his community college plan, then his “OMG! So many top colleges.”, then his Westpoint plan, then his which college is approved by Caltech plan, then his Ivy plan again, then his 100 degrees at once plan, then his “Silicon Valley will respect Y and X”, then his “I’m trying to get my GED so I can skip the 12th grade and go straight to college plan.”, then it keeps rotating every week. Believe me, it’s very boring hearing 10 different plans in the same week.

I also watched him lie on his high school transcript for a community college and get placed in the classes he needed, then call himself a “genius” (then began talking for weeks about taking this class, and that… then how he needed to transfer into Berkley, then UCLA, then another college). Since he is planning to be homeschooled next year, he typed up an entire HS transcript and put 4.0’s for everything. Couldn’t believe it passed without any question… but hey, the world works differently.

I just pretend to say things like “Pretty nice”, etc… since I have my own plans and since I don’t want to start any nonsense with him, he’s in his own little world. I want to yell at the top of my lungs and tell him to stop this nonsense, but instead of making a scene, I’d figure it’s better to just leave it to him. No point in stressing haha.

Me, personally, the education is what really matters… not the name. But, I guess it’s better, as you have said, to stay in my own lane and focus on myself. You all are very insightful and thank you. :slight_smile:

12

If it makes you feel any better, lots of people feel this way right now. Even my easygoing S came home yesterday from spending the afternoon with a buddy who must decide by May 1 between Cal Tech - Columbia - Princeton…he was a bit bummed out. Better by dinner…but it’s natural to feel this way.

13

Thank you all.

You wouldn’t believe how tiring it gets to hear day-in-day-out about my friend’s college plans: first, he was raving and bent on Harvard Extension School and planned it all out, next it was community college and how he plans to do this and get into Berkley, then “Oh, there are so many top colleges out there!”, then UCLA and Berkley, then Caltech and MIT, then said he plans to get 2 degrees at once (made it sound very easy), then about his “I’m not really going to 12th grade, since I’m homeschooled, and plan on getting my GED so I can take college.”, then find a new college, and another new college as long as it’s in the top lists. Furthermore, then he says “I have to get into Oxy, Obama went there!”… then, “This college is recommended by Caltech”, then I had to hear him speak about how he is going to take honors classes, then “Does Silicon Valley respect this college?”, then the next day he’s telling me about a new college because it’s “where someone famous went” or “recommended by X, Y, and Z.”, then “This college gets students more jobs, I’ll be set for life.”. Another one is how he said he NEEDED to go to a private school college, and it was either life or death he would go there. These plans change every other week. Gets boring fast. He makes all of this seem so simple, it’s tiring (from what I found out, he has no parents that advise him like in my situation).

I’ve watched him lie on his high school transcript to a community college (put 4.0’s in every subject - which, I know he doesn’t have), and then send it to the community college he plans to attend online, and they accepted it and he got placed in the classes without needing the placement test. After that, I had to hear him planning all these courses, saying he’ll take this and this and that, and then how he is a “genius” because of it.

Before now, when he started talking about all of this (having my plans clear), I have felt really unworthy in comparing myself to him. Now, I guess I realized I shouldn’t focus at all what he is doing and just do me.

Thanks.

14

@zeusintosh67 Let’s say he never gets caught about the transcript…so he goes to Community College and then gets placed in advanced classes. He will have to do well in these classes! I am not sure he has thought about that. And if he does…then great! He was prepared after all.

As an adult, I hear that your friend is obsessed with status…but doesn’t have the real ability to achieve these goals.
He is all talk and is somewhat delusional.

15

There were a couple of students like that at my high school (but you’re not actually GOING to Harvard even though you got in, now, are you?)… ah, those were the days…

Honestly, be proud that you have a much better idea of what you actually want to do than this kid does. It sounds like he has very little to no direction other than “I want to be a cool person with lots of money and status, how do I do that quickly?” As @bopper said, he’s obsessed with status but is really all talk. There will be people like this no matter where you go. At my school, there are many people for whom your major falls on a spectrum from “will make lots of money” to “what are you even going to do with that?”, and it gets very frustrating for some others, like my math major boyfriend (here that falls toward the latter end). But remember, as my Mom says that her father used to say, “It’s not where you go, it’s what you do when you get there,” and he’s not setting himself up to do very well even if his grand plans get off the ground.