Why do I keep getting in trouble?

Parent Cafe
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<p>This summer I have made a conscious effort not to land into any trouble. However, I feel that it is almost inevitable. Even though there is no immediate family history of mental disorders, I have the bad luck of the draw in that department. Maybe it is partly my fault because I did not make enough of an effort to take care of myself in the past. I think that is part of the reason I was hospitalized last year.</p>

<p>After I was hospitalized, my mom said that I have given her trouble since day one. It was almost as if she was blaming me for everything and perhaps I deserve part of the blame for playing the victim. I was in a special school until the 5th grade, I was forced to see a psychiatrist in high school, and now this. </p>

<p>The point is that I’m afraid that no matter what I do, my sick mind will always catch up with me. I’m sure the people who are always in and out of hospitals do not choose this fate. The reason I’m writing this right now is because I read a Time article about mental illness prevention that said, “Tyler is now maintaining a job at a fast food restaurant.” Is that something I should aspire to as well? I got upset because I don’t want my life to have barriers and limits. </p>

<p>To combat future problems, I have made steps to become independent and healthy. I have a job, I have friends, I will probably get my driver’s license by my birthday, I eat healthy and exercise, I have a career plan and I am getting treatment for my medical problems.</p>

<p>I am just upset that all my efforts will be in vain. My parents do not understand my issues and I think the professionals are just trying to calm me down. I just want the truth. Why do I have all these issues despite having much no family history or trauma in my life? My sister is only two years younger than me and she has none of these problems. </p>

<p>I wrote this in the parent’s forum because it is more likely that the parents probably have some experience with people like me. What kind of outcomes have you seen with people with my issues? With the way my life has been so far, one would think I’m the next school shooter. I just want a long term successful life.</p>

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<p>I’m not a violent person either. I have never gotten into a serious physical fight. I have no interest in violence in general. I do not like to watch senseless violence in the media, I have no interest in weapons, and I do not have the profile of a future serial killer or a even school shooter. It is unnerving that my life parallels the Virginia Tech shooter’s with eerie coincidence though. Even my mom made a statement about this after she learned about the shooting…
I have gotten angry at people, but nothing worth more than an eyebrow raise…
I think that things often get blown out of proportion in my case. I just don’t like being vulnerable to such things.</p>

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<p>TA - No-one knows what the future holds; we all just do our best day-to-day as we head toward our goals. Some of us will get their directly, others will hit roadblocks to go around and still others will end up with different totally outcomes than the original goals.</p>

<p>You ave made great strides; keep your head up and do your best.</p>

<p>Good luck!</p>

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<p>What kind of trouble and issues are you talking about? Mental illness can result from a number of things; biology, something wrong with brain chemistry, other illness causing it, environmental factors, traumatic experiences. We aren’t your doctor(s), so none of us can tell you why you have an illness and your sister doesn’t.</p>

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<p>In both high school and college I was suspended from school until I saw a professional. I’ve been kicked out of schools that could not handle people like me when I was a child. It just seems like an ongoing pattern. I wonder if all of this would impact my future career opportunities. I know that employers cannot open certain records without my permission, but I can’t help but think that these things are tracked somehow.
I just want to live independently and be able to keep a job. I just don’t want anything like this to happen to me again.</p>

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<p>Does your therapist give you any tools to deal with your issues ?</p>

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<p>We can only hope for the best for you. Please seek help from professionals, who are more qualified than anyone here giving opinions and anecdotal examples on a college forum.</p>

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<p>I agree with Batllo. Your doctor should know what is best to do. Besides, we don’t know what you mean by “people like me” or why getting kicked out of school is an ongoing pattern for you. If you are repeatedly getting kicked out of school, then something must be wrong. </p>

<p>I would assume employers could possibly find out if you were suspended from college and did not complete the degree program you were in. I do know that when you apply to colleges, they ask about other colleges you’ve attended previously, and may ask if you received any suspensions or expulsions from those colleges.</p>

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<p>I see a psychiatrist regularly. It helps me keep things in perspective including my own actions, especially my own actions. It is difficult to see oneself through others’ eyes. Though I don’t know specifically what you did, it seems like you have that difficulty of not knowing how you appear to others. When you miss those invisible line of behavior that is considered going to far, you can get yourself in trouble. The problem is those lines shift from person to person and according to situation. If you have trouble discerning when you are edging into dangerous territory, you do need to find a professional in the mental health field that can work with you regarding signs, filters, behaviors.</p>

<p>The period of life when you are trying to become independent and self sufficient is a particularly difficult one. All of ones demons seem to come out at that time. This has always been the case. Some of us have a more difficult ongoing fight with these demons than others.</p>

<p>I wish I could help you, but these sort of issues do need a hands on approach and a thorough examination of the problems involved. Please do look for help, and do not look at that as a failure. It is very much a success to be able to work out your problems with professional help. Many limp through life without getting help, so clearly needing it can be a benefit in that you know you need help instead of wavering and getting by. Take care.</p>

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<p>There are many who have been in way more trouble than you described, yet after progressing more in self-awareness and self-improvement, went on to fabulous futures. </p>

<p>“Never, never, never give up” - Winston Churchill (who, by the way, had some behavior issues himself growing up)</p>

<p>Parents’ remarks can be cutting. Forgive them - it’s a tough job. Try not to internalize something like your mom feeling that you have been “trouble since day one”. It is particularly unfortunate that it was said after you were hospitalized. By the way, to some extent, EVERY child has been trouble since day one. Some are just a little better at it than others. ;)</p>

<p>You will learn how to manage your health effectively, and achieve consistent progress. You will figure out how to manage your challenges, and you will become the expert on you (and find out just what you need, now and in the future, to stay on track). It is obvious that you really want it. That is how I know you will be successful.</p>

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<p>It may be a good idea to talk to your therapist about your concerns. If you’re only seeing a psychiatrist, it also may be a good idea to add to your treatment ongoing treatment with a licensed social worker or clinical psychologist. Usually psychiatrists basically see patients for brief appointments – 15 mins or so – to check on meds. Social workers and psychologists spend 50 minute appointments helping patients get insight into their psychological problems and develop tools to address them. </p>

<p>Another option would be to seek a second opinion from a mental health professional.</p>

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<p>Thank you. I’m glad that there is a glimmer of hope if I make an effort.</p>

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<p>I have. I was pretty much told to do the same things I am doing now. I think the problem is that there aren’t many people with cases such as mine, let alone have much knowledge about the issue. I know that no one here can solve the problem, but I just wanted honest answers from people who aren’t obligated to make me feel better or care about me. </p>

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<p>That’s true. I just wanted to know what to realistically expect. </p>

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<p>I only get calmed down. I just talk about daily things. We never get deep into anything for some reason…</p>

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<p>I was forced to see a psychiatrist in school because I got into a fight with a bully and because I was very angry at the vice principle and refused to admit that I did anything wrong. The fight was because the girl called me a psycho after I was insistent on her not speaking to me disrespectfully.
I was hospitalized because of OCD and anxiety related issues in college. I told the school counseling center because I was too scared to tell my parents who found out days later.
When I was very young, I had severe speech impediments and delays. I was also behind in socializing. The doctors decided to diagnose me with autism even though my parents did not agree. I was later diagnosed with Asperger’s Syndrome, mostly or possibly solely because of my history…
I was reluctant to say very much because I am not comfortable about going into details about these issues, yet I have no many questions that no one can answer.</p>

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<p>The only possible explanation is that I was an unwanted pregnancy and my parents got married for this reason. This probably put stress on my mom which affected me as well. Then again there are literally millions of people who were born into this situation and they are not messed up like I am. I don’t know. None of us know. I don’t even know why I asked.</p>

<p>I’m not usually this intensely worried. Nowadays, I just take everything one day at a time.</p>

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<p>TA3021,
Big Hugs for you, and all best wishes.</p>

<p>If you read CC enough you will note that this is a community of “problem solvers”, also we are “yentas” or “busy-bodies” but never mind. Come on, I’m trying to put a smile on your face.</p>

<p>The concern you see in these responses is entirely genuine, and you should take it as such. If you get a seemingly ‘canned’ response, like ‘see a professional’, that is in reply to the really ambiguous way you presented your problems. </p>

<p>You mention OCD, anxiety, autism – possibly Asperger’s, but what is the confusion? Do they not know, or do YOU not know? Is part of your frustration with the inability to diagnose this in a way that can help?</p>

<p>Please forgive my reading between the lines: you may or may not have a mental illness, you are not entirely sure. But what you are is very, very, very angry. And no wonder. I’m gonna go WAY out on a limb here and tell you why – your mother is an emotional and verbal abuser, and you can’t see it yet. You are too close to her to see clearly the damage she has done. There’s this:

You don’t deserve ANY of the blame. You are a kid in pain.

Nice.
And your mom evidently told you that you were an “unwanted child”–

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<p>What kind of mother says things like this to her child? I will tell you – an abusive mother. My mother was like this. And I didn’t know there was anything wrong with it for a long time. It took a lot of years out of the house for me to see it clearly. And the result is, I would NEVER say the things to my kids that she said to me. I protected my kids from her, in fact. And what do you know, years later she said, “Congratulations, M. I don’t know how you did it. You are a wonderful mother. You broke the cycle of abuse.” So – somehow she knew what she was doing to me.</p>

<p>Sorry if I have read it wrong, it’s just that those statements you wrote sound very familiar.</p>

<p>Gee, I wonder why…

…Because just what you needed is for them to go to the hospital and heap more abuse and damage on you (sarcasm). Right.</p>

<p>You know what, with all you have suffered, I think you’re doing great:

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<p>It’s okay to be mad. But it would help you a lot to be mad at the right things. You are internalizing everything and taking all the blame on board. OCD is a way of trying to get control, I think, although I’m not an expert.</p>

<p>Can I say again – I think you are doing great under the circumstances. Just don’t buy into those bad old messages. Find what works for you, and distance yourself from the rest. I think you are starting to do that. I wish you the best.</p>