Kids are not always idiots, but that doesn’t mean they are omniscient, either. Just like spouses, children are often oblivious to the cheating. My father cheated on my mother, they stayed together, and I did not find out about it until well after I was married with kids.
I am not endorsing staying together “for the kids”, I am just trying to point out that the only correct path is not to cheat in the first place - after the cheating has started, the best path depends entirely on the people and the situation.
I would imagine women stay if they aren’t financially independent. I just wish this stuff wouldn’t be published in the first place. Really no good comes of it, we aren’t more informed, the wife is humiliated…why do this?
Everyone has to draw their own line.
Some may have criteria for their marriage which enables them to rationalize it, although it may require a contortionist to do so.
Camille Cosby for instance.
Not gonna read it. . .but I heard that about 1/3 of couples experiencing infidelity stay together. Usual reasons are kids, finances, love/forgiveness. It depends on whether the cheater is willing to stay/work it out with spouse. (Working it out could mean they reconcile/affair is ended, or they agree to stay married for practical reasons, but live separate lives…) Really none of my business what other couples do.
Marriage includes a lot more than sex (and sometimes it doesn’t include sex at all), and affairs often include nothing but sex. (Not always, but often.) So if someone is having sex outside the marriage, I can see how it’s not necessarily a reason for divorce.
In this situation, if I was his wife, I’d say it was time for some conscious uncoupling.
I feel very sorry for their son. He must be mortified, having details like that about his father’s texts in the news.
For me it is about two things- I do not want to act like a jealous fool every time I see my wife talking to a man and second I do not want to be played for a fool. If my wife was to cheat she puts me in the position that I face one or the other because that trust we have built up is lost. While I do believe in second chances I think cheating and hitting are to relationship enders. At least for me
I agree @tom1944. While I understand why some spouses stay - children, finances, love - I just would not be able to stay with a spouse that treated me with such disrespect. It’s just is not in my DNA.
I agree with a previous poster and think the best you can do in these very public situations is to pull an “Elin Nordegren”, say nothing and move on. Talk with definitive action.
I know of a couple who stayed together after the husband cheated on her. As far as I can tell, the wife was still hurt years later. Hard to regain trust.
I used to think I would never stay in a marriage with a cheater, but that was BC (before children). I would have a hard time leaving the marriage if it meant taking my child away from a full-time normal relationship with her otherwise excellent father and damaging her economic security (as divorce is usually a big financial hit for all concerned). There would be many things to consider before I would divorce automatically over an affair. It’s possible that I would just become so curdled and bitter over time that I could no longer even look at someone (in which case divorce would be inevitable, I suppose).
I think it’s selfish, though, to put one’s own ego and hurt feelings above the physical and mental welfare of one’s children. I would try to forgive and work on the marriage first before storming out the door. At least I hope I would be mature enough to try.
NJSue while I agree that the children needs must be considered I am not sure their financial needs are more important than providing them an example of carrying yourself with dignity and not being a doormat.
Staying with a serial cheater or keeping the marriage together so two people live in misery is not doing the children any good. I understand marriage is difficult and you need to work through problems and get past the rough patches but it is not selfish to leave a cheater. The cheater is the selfish one.
The mental welfare of a child is to not be in a home where daddy can’t keep his marriage vows and mom is bitter. A child is better off in a broken home than living in a dysfunctional one. I would lose respect for my parent that stayed with the cheater, and somehow the kid will find out some day. Staying for financial purposes makes a woman pathetic and weak, IMO.
eta:I agree completely @tom1944.
For me ego would be the last thing I would factor into my decision. If your children are old enough to understand or old enough to ask, one does need to consider the message being sent to them. I would want my son to observe that there are consequences to infidelity and would want my D to witness first hand that there are alternatives to staying and yes, we will be o.k. Of course I am a professional woman who has employment prospects to fall back on and I realize not all women are in this category.
While those things are important to me, I certainly would not download those on other women who may make different decisions.
Experiencing infidelity made me laugh, like it’s the weather or something. I wouldn’t be humiliated at all if I was the wife, but in this case he sure has been. And, something obviously happened to make someone release those texts to the press. This is probably quite complicated and their child is grown and there is more than enough money however they arrange the future. And it was a three year long affair with no reason at all for us to think it was the only one or that she only found out yesterday. That seems unlikely.