Why does it seem like nobody's looking to make new friends?

<p>I try to be a friendly, outgoing person but every time I propose an acquaintance and I do something, they always seem to be 'busy.' And people rarely invite me to hang out or do anything. I haven't made a real solid friend since I left high school two years ago.</p>

<p>I haven't had a friend since I left high school...almost 6 years ago. It seems to get harder to make meaningful relationships as we age. I too get the impression that people who have friends are less likely looking to make new friends. It's like we have to seek out the lonely people who will have us...lol...although I know that's not true in many cases. I go well out of my way to help people out at work and in life in general, and people just take advantage of it and offer nothing in return. It is really quite depressing. I guess all we can keep doing is trying, and if one place doesn't work (trying to make friends in classes or at work), then we need to try different places (other activities, volunteer, etc.).</p>

<p>Similar situation I'm facing. I tried the first week, and I got to know a few people but it didn't amount to anything. I joined a freshman interest group for this reason, but because of work and medical problems I wasn't as involved too much that first week. I think this is what hindered me because after that first week they where all buddy buddy with each other already. I still go to the meetings, and the events that interest me but no one really cares if I'm there or not. Everyone seemed to clique right to their high school people, or someone they already knew at the school. I helped carry one girl's stuff up to her room because her roommate forgot about her. I only got a thank you. Not that I was expecting anything more, but I thought being helpful and friendly would result in at least a see you around, or what room are you in...at least something to start a conversion. </p>

<p>Now I just go to the club I joined when I can, and to the interest group. I eat alone most of the time, and spend most the time in my room doing homework (its paid off so far I have a 4.0 gpa) I keep the door open when I'm not working. I'm sure my roommate has labeled me as a loner, and I won't lie it gets pretty lonely and its awkward eating alone when everyone is staring. Now that I've decided to transfer out at semester I'm not trying as hard for friends. At my new university I already know some friends and I already have a list of clubs that I want to join. My goal for college isn't friends but to prove to my family that I can get into physical therapy school which requires a strong gpa, volunteering.</p>

<p>RioBravo, maybe you smell?</p>

<p>... but no I agree. People just get content I think. I made my friends now through making an IM team of fellow freshman in my dorm last year. Then there were some other teams last year, our team last year, and two of the guys that are in ME with me and in my project group.</p>

<p>As far as really good friends goes, I guess just my roommate.</p>

<p>I just tell myself that most people are scumbags anyway and I'd rather be alone than be with others. It works just fine for me.</p>

<p>There are a few people I do like to be around, though.</p>

<p>I kinda know what you mean..people will start up conversations with me (usually boring/stupid/incoherent, but nevertheless), we'll promise to hang out, then....nothing. Never see them again.</p>

<p>I figure that if they're okay with not being friends with me/lying, that they're not the type of people I want to hang out with anyway.</p>

<p>Maybe it's just my school, but I've never had this problem. (WashU is known for being overly friendly). I'm always meeting new people, and haven't had problems hanging out with new people in any year (and I'm now a senior).</p>

<p>it can be hard making good connections out there...sometimes i hate being the one always putting in the effort, but it's worth it (for the most part). don't give up or feel you're not going to ever find solid relationships.</p>

<p>if you don't click with someone, then that's the way it is. Don't try too hard and don't force it. You'll either end up looking like a tool, or a desperate clinger looking for company. sooner or later, you'll click with someone and you will be come good friends. I tend to be a guarded person, so it takes a while for me to warm up to a person before I actually open up.</p>

<p>Personally, I really hate having to put on a social mask just so I don't seem like I'm antisocial. In college, it happens when you go to social events and clubs. In real life, it happens when you try to kiss a*s with the employers. This high school crap is never going to end...</p>

<p>OP, anyone can be friendly, not everyone can be confident and humourous. Try that.</p>

<p>Also, don't use the word acquaintance, that might help.</p>

<p>Majority of people do not have friends. And majority of which are thinking the same things you and I are, I want some friends! It just seems like no one wants friends, but everyone does! You have to find your hitch, you know, your place. </p>

<p>Me, Im a funny, helpful, serious when need be, smart guy. People seem to enjoy my presence. And those that don't are just the negative, un-healthy peasants. Who are at college for no reason but to shutup a parent or family member. </p>

<p>People love being around positive, forward thinking folk, like me. And it shows. Find your hitch.</p>

<p>Once people have made solid friend groups (often during freshman or maybe sophomore year), they aren't as actively looking for friends anymore. Not to say that you can't make new friends, but that's not going to be something that's on most people's radar in the same way. </p>

<p>At the beginning of freshman year I did feel that way - I felt that I didn't have enough friends and that I wasn't social enough (because I didn't know anyone coming to college). Now I feel like I have enough friends and my social needs are taken care of so I don't really need to seek more people out. If people come to me, cool. But I don't have that need.</p>

<p>These days if I were going to meet someone new it would probably be through another friend of mine. I don't feel the need to go out and be social as much anymore when I can chill at my apartment with my friends. If one day I met someone really amazing and awesome, then yeah, I'd totally be down to chill with them. But making new friends isn't something I'm trying to do on a very active basis. </p>

<p>I also find that friendships come from the most random things...so just live your life as normal, be friendly and outgoing, and everything will fall into place.</p>

<p>Also, bigtexas, the majority of people don't have friends? What? Most people, from my personal experience (except on CC lol) have plenty of friends and aren't actively seeking more out. It's also "niche," not hitch, lol</p>

<p>@ Redsox</p>

<p>LOL hitch. I mean niche, thanks for that. </p>

<p>Im not quite sure what I meant when I wrote that. Probably because it just seems like most people walk around alone w/o a social life, but it is possible that because i always walk around alone that I see what my eyes want to see. I take care of myself, but that doesnt mean I dont enjoy a good conversation. </p>

<p>Ever since HS, (im 20) its getting harder and harder to identify with the people at college. I was a totally different person, I mean, I couldn't be any more different than what i was in HS. Making it difficult to relate, seeing how much ive changed.</p>

<p>Think I've found the trick! There's an old adage "To have friends you need to be a friend". Find someone you click with? Call them. E-mail them. On a regular basis. On a regular basis until they call back or e-mail back. On a regular basis.</p>

<p>Because the people looking to make friends are the people who aren't good at being friendly.</p>

<p>Okay, I have had similar situations. I UNDERSTAND YOUR PAIN. Here is what has helped me a lot...</p>

<p>1) Focus on people who ARE your friends. Who ARE inviting you to things. Pay attention!! That guy you think is a nerdy boring loser... he mentions an event he's going to and he likes you enough that he's chatting with you and he mentioned it to you... that counts as an invitation. Ask when it is and that you might check it out!!! Or someone invites you to something via facebook, sounds fun? GO!! And chat with the person who invited you. I mean, these little things count. You need to FOCUS on the people who ARE making EFFORTS to reach out to you. You HAVE to focus on these things if you want to increase your network and friendships. I don't know how to explain how it works in a post right now, but if you focus on what you do have and start enjoying it, you will not be as DESPERATE for what you don't have and things will just seem to flow better.</p>

<p>2) Invite people YOURSELF. Do things you think are cool. You are already attending events now that you are focusing on people who DO like you. Extend the invitation. If they say they are busy, who gives a flip? You are just extending the invitation. Make this a habit. Make it a habit to do things you like, connect with people who like connecting with you and simply extending the invitation.</p>

<p>3) Get involved with a community you like. This took me a LONG time. I couldn't find a community I like, but keep searching and give it your best shot. Give each community a chance. When you find the one you like, be active in it.</p>

<p>4) If you are serious about having friends, make sure to connect with at least 1 person daily. Call your mom. Call your old HS friend. Call the girl who you were supposed to meet up with to study last week and you forgot. Just something and make a personal connection.</p>

<p>Those are my 4 tips. I went from loser to relatively happy. I'm just so overwhelmed with graduation stuff that I have not been focused on my social circle at all, but it is to the point where I do not need to have any focus or plan in order to feel satisfied socially when I need it!!</p>

<p>P.S. One more tip, get interested in other people. If they are busy, get interested in WHY they are busy. What is it that is occupying their life? What is it that they seem to CARE SO MUCH ABOUT?? Now, you know what is important to them. You can start sending them invites to things they care about. Links to articles they'd enjoy. When you chat with them, you have something to chat about that they give to bird craps about. THIS IS IMPORTANT! Focus on THE OTHER PERSON.</p>

<p>^^ great post!</p>