I thought back to how excited I was when I started college, how I was ready to take the next step in my life, how much I learned and grew during those years etc. And it was because my parents gave me the freedom to do so. It helped me realize that it was time for my kids to go off have that same experience.
What’s a landline? 
Actually we still have a landline…Both Ds call it if I don’t respond to cell phone messages in a few minutes because
if I’m not at work that usually means I am home and my phone is in my purse on vibrate. With caller ID I know who’s calling. At work they get a better response from email because I usually have my computer open and…my phone is in my purse.
I want the record to reflect that my picture thingy is the result of the launching thread for the Parents of the Class of 2015. We had need for cabana boys on that thread, and I provided. That is all.
@suzy100 I remember!!
This process is tough, however I find it does get easier. There is always an adjustment period when they leave again, and it is exciting to hear about everything they are up to. The hard part is that we are not there in person to see it…
@suzy100 – we might need you to wander over to the class of 2017 thread to add a little levity. I am not sure of the connection between cabana boys and college essays, but I bet it would be an amusing diversion!
…because that is how we communicate now, texting, in the house, with them in their bedrooms… so in other words, nothing changes except the “in the house” part…
Like for all the homesick kids last week in the College Life section of this message board, it is a two way street. It hurts because you know what love is. That is a wonderful thing, the love part that is.
My oldest is only a high school junior, but I already get teary-eyed when I think about not being able to see her every day. sob
I don’t know how our parents did it when the only communication was a landline and no answering machine.
The first one was hard on me but I still has 2 home and I was busy with them so I adjusted quickly. The second was hard on my youngest. He had never lived without brothers in the house. He was like a lost puppy and that was hard on me also. When I think of my youngest leaving it breaks me. I honestly don’t know how I will cope.
You eventually get used to it. It takes a while to cook less food and not make an extra cup of tea. It takes a while not to buy their favorite foods and and make an extra cup of tea. Give yourself permission to be sad.
Dropped my freshman off at school on Thursday. Feeling a bit better almost a week later. Went up into his room and just sobbed. The house does not feel the same without his presence. Still have my soon to be junior at home but boy is this tough. We have texted a bit which does help. Decided to talk on the phone on Sundays. My son forgot his computer cable and I actually was so happy to be able to ship it to him at school. It really is like dealing with a major loss. Hang in there parents. It has to get better.
And is this the other thing no one tells you? That you will wake up at 5 am and hope they didn’t go to bed sad, or upset, and do they remember where they put the double sided tape in case they need it for something, and I should text her to remind her to sign up for whatever, and will she remember all the million things we discussed about making friends, and what if her biggest fear (not making friends) comes true? And so on, for the last two days.
Oh man, I remember finding out I was pregnant, and I started worrying, and I thought foolishly I would stop worrying once the baby was born, and realized about two minutes after she was born that this was it: I was doomed to worry about my kid for the rest of my life. :-S
Oh, the friendship thing is a tough one. I worry about that for my son as he tends to be on the quieter side. Is your daughter planning to join any clubs? That will surely open up her social horizon. I think Worry is my middle name.
Yes, she will sign up for clubs and such. She is shy and quiet, and the friends thing is really concerning to her. She is sure everyone is going to solidify friend groups in the first 48 hours and she will be the only one without a friend. This is tough for her too, she isn’t one of the kids who couldn’t wait to get to college. She is excited about it all, but probably more worried than anything else.
@Lindagaf - I think we have to remind ourselves that unless we send them out into the world to do those things for themselves they will never learn how to do them. (HUGS) That’s one of the reasons we send them to residential colleges right?
I hope it makes you feel better when I tell you that my oldest son is graduated from college, has a good job, his own apartment and a set of friends in his new location which is not where he went to college. He was not any more mature than any other new college freshman when he left us at age 18. At 22 he is a well adjusted young adult doing the things that young adults do. He has a nice girlfriend and they joined my husband and I in Nashville (visiting the son who is still in college) for a long weekend in July.
This is the start of a new relationship for you and your daughter, not the end of the one you had. The adult parent/child relationship is pretty fantastic in many ways. It’s different but can be very fulfilling. I’m not going to lie. I wish my son had gotten a job near home. He says that after he does his 2 years at his current bank he will look for work in the southeast because he has had enough of OH and PA winters. It would be nice to have him back in this area (Fort Lauderdale).
(HUGS)-you can never have too many.
She sounds like a terrific kid. I am sure she will find some wonderful friends. It is great that she is open with you
and can discuss these feelings. My son was so stoic before we dropped him off. Told me he was fine a bunch of times but the day we left him he felt nauseous and I think it had a lot to do with nerves. Are you planning to go to Parent’s weekend? I think by that time our kids will have adjusted to everything college and I am hoping that by seeing him happy, social, managing his work load that I will be relieved.
Whenever my kids complain about some adult thing no one told them they’d have to do, I reply, “Once you’re an adult, no one ever tells you anything again. You just have to figure it out for yourself.”
And so it is with the whole empty nester thing. Although I am glad that my children are on their way to being launched, it is more painful for me than I could have imagined. I really, really like my children (and I did even during the teen years), and miss them more than I thought possible.
Right now it feels like S is away at summer camp. A long summer camp. It was worse for me last week leading up to drop off day. Altho it is VERY hard to not text him the gazillion questions I have about how is day is going or who he’s meeting or if he’s getting any sleep or does he need me to send him anything or what his classes are like or has he figured out his bunk bed or any cute girls or … But I have so far resisted. But the pull is strong.
Last night H and I went to a (minor league) ball game. Nice night (minus some mosquitoes early on). Sort of spur of the moment. We even found H a potential retirement job (riding mower dragging a rake in circles=grounds crew!).
You’ll figure it out. We all will figure this out.
@lindagaf
Yes, it does feel like as parents we’re part of a whole new club now, that we never knew existed.
On the friend thing, tell your daughter that the groups that ‘seem’ to solidify in the 1st 48 hrs are not likely to be the same by semesters end. Finding your friends takes time and they may not end up bring your hallmates or kids in your same classes. And don’t fall into the trap thinking everybody is having a great time but me! It’s ok to feel like it’s all exhausting, because you have to be ‘on’ 24/7, trying to make a good impression with virtual strangers. If she feels like that it is perfectly normal
We have 2 out of 2 away at college now, and I love it. As teens, they were somewhat…cranky at home and were not the best about chipping in to help their overworked parents around the house.
When the oldest came home for breaks the first time? She brought her best self. Funny, wanted to spend time with us, chipped in around the house. It was VERY nice.
And, agreeing, texting is the best.