@wisteria100 , I texted her that exact thing this morning, after she texted me “I know you will think I am paranoid, but everyone already has a friend group, and I am sort of hanging out with some people but not really.” 48 hours in. Oh dear, this will be hard.
When #1 went off the college, we were relieved. He had absolutely exhausted what he could get from this community, schools, and household. So it was onward and upward! He could grow, develop self-reliance ($, laundry, booze). And he had a fabulous college curriculum to explore. So we were very happy when he took this step. We also encouraged him to spend a full year abroad, which he did. Everything worked out well and paid off on several dimensions.
H and I were watching something on TV last night about a large family with young children and teens - typical chaos. He asked me if I even remembered those days, like it’s all just a hazy memory…did it really happen?
We were married at 20 and 21 and had our first child a year later. It’s like we’ve always had kids, but suddenly not…
It’s not even the “baby’s” first year of college. I don’t know why we feel it so deeply this year.
It was much harder sending our first off in 2010 than our youngest just last week. With our first, I felt like I couldn’t breathe after he got on the plane to fly 2,500 miles away to school. With our youngest, I couldn’t wait to get home to our empty nest! Sitting in the hot tub in the middle of the day, watching TV whenever we want, clothing optional dress code, etc.! 
It is very hard. I’m sad for me and then get even sadder when she calls and is sad. Nothing serious- didn’t get a class she wants, girls want to party and she doesn’t. I know it will work out and she’ll find friends but it’s so hard to hear her quivering voice.
“parents won’t miss them when they go to college” - Really? Did not happen to us, we miss ours after many years, more years than most people here as our older will send his first to the college next year. He surely will miss her, I know that way too well.
To OP, you will miss them forever, there is no escape. The only way to cope with day to day emptiness is to get busy with some new hobbies / activities. They do not need to be very meaningful. They serve only one purpose - to get your brain off your kids, let you sleep at night after paying attention to something other than your empty house.
@Lindagaf, a group of friends and I have learned that so often we get a call or text (“TOD” for Texts of Doom) from our kids and things seem bad, but that once the kids vent to us they themselves are actually feeling much better while we continue to worry. Hopefully that’s the case for your D if she is sounding down. I hope all goes well for your D!
My offspring are 30 and 27, and my life will never be whole again either. The kids are doing well. They both have good jobs and stable lives, and one will be getting married next year to a wonderful person. This, of course, is exactly the sort of outcome that parents want for their adult children. Mission accomplished. But there’s still something missing in my life.
I think that the way that some of us parents feel about the empty nest is similar to the way that people who were deeply dedicated to their careers feel about retirement. If you gave a great deal of yourself to an endeavor for a long period of time, then when that time is over, there is a feeling that something’s missing. I guess it’s normal. It’s not necessarily pleasant.
Just when you get used to having them gone, they come home for the summer! IMO, it’s even harder when they go back. My oldest will be a senior and has only been home one summer (internships the rest of the time), and my youngest was home for the summer and just went back. We all took a vacation to Glacier National Park before they both went back to their respective schools and it was so much fun, but it flew by. My DH says we need to retire in a great place so they’ll want to come and visit us! Seriously though, it’s amazing to see them all so grown up and mature, and when they are home for breaks, very helpful around the house. They do their own laundry, clean up the kitchen. It’s fantastic, lol! Now that the nest is empty, we got a 130 lb Bernese Mountain dog. He’s like having another kid! It’s so great taking care of this big pooch-he fills my days!
My D (only child) is 27 now - independent, fully launched, great career, great boyfriend. She lives about 500 miles away from H and me, and I miss her every single day.
Of course I am happy that she’s a successful adult (whatever that means) with her own life, but that doesn’t make me miss her any less. We text and call often. We are probably closer now, emotionally, than we ever were. She’s one of my best friends…and wouldn’t you miss your best friend if s/he moved away?
My H always says “but she’s supposed to grow up and have her own life.” I understand that. But that doesn’t necessarily mean I have to like it.
@Marian . . . love your #47 and it’s so true.
My son compared it to being a professional athlete and then one day you retire and your career is over (at a relatively young age). If you love something that much, and you’re good at it, it’s going to be hard to suddenly stop doing it even when you know it’s time and it’s the right thing.
I thought that was insightful of him!
It is tough, and it’s hard to understand how tough until you’ve experienced them leaving the nest. But that’s the price of loving them greatly . . . they were never ours to start with. We just held them in trust until they could stand on their own two feet.
After your kid sets off to college you have several opportunities to check up and make adjustments of various kinds. The first one for us was attending “parents weekend.” Take the kid shopping, get things that are missing for the dorm room, correct the banking arrangements if need-be.
Don’t count on a steady stream of text messages or phone calls. Just be available if you are needed. Kids are trying to be independent.
The next major opportunity is likely to be winter-break. When our son came home for the holidays during his first year, I asked him, “How do you like being at Chicago?” He said immediately, “I’m living IN Chicago, not AT Chicago. I try to get well off campus at least once a week.” This told us that he had a head on his shoulders, and not only wasn’t he overwhelmed by the academic workload at UChicago but he was launching his post-family life.
I have one daughter who is a college sophomore, 12 hours away, and another who is a high school senior. Honestly, it was quite a bit harder to send D1 back this year than it was settling her in last year. I think I would have felt this way anyway, but she had some mental health issues last spring that she didn’t tell us about until she came home, and it took all summer to recover (provisionally) the scholarship she lost, get her started on meds and in counseling, etc. I’m still not convinced she’s in a good place to handle this semester, but she and my H are sure it will be ok. They don’t have my 30+ years of dealing with depression and anxiety, though. She doesn’t like to talk much, so we agreed to try texting throughout the week in addition to our Sunday Skype session. We’ll see how it goes!
Meanwhile, I’m already dreading the loss of D2. Neither of my kids were anything but a pleasure throughout the teen years, so I have absolutely no motivation to kick them out!
Is there a support group for this? 
Ages and stages. You need to figure out that parenting is only one facet of who you are. There was life before parenthood and there is life without kids at home. Rediscover the non-mom you. You can give the younger child a taste of being the only (sort of- when my year older sister left her stuff was still there in our shared bedroom).
Now you can look forward to the next stage- grandparenting. Please, please don’t nag your kids about finding a mate, marriage and children so you can fulfill this desire.
Also- please do not attempt the same amount of contact via texts and emails you had when your child was home. Think back eons ago when you left the nest and your focus was your new life. Allow your child the same freedoms to live a life without constant parental intrusion. Do a once per week update- no more. What seems to be a crisis will no longer be one by the time the routine phone call comes. Your adult child needs to be independent and not turn to you for as much advice.
I remember my young (still 16, turned 17 that fall) son going off to college. As in a past mothers of sons thread he rarely communicated. Until spring when a HS former teammate died (accident or… immaterial). The phone calls and emails were many that week and he came home for the funeral. IF there is a crisis you are still there for them and they know it.
Cheer up. There is a wonderful world out there you now may have time for. We forget how much we gave up when we had kids. Now we get the best of both worlds- we will always be parents but are still more than just that.
I still struggle many days, Ss are 25 & 27, D is college sophomore. I am happy they have careers, families, and are 20 minutes away. It’s supposed to be that way, but I really miss all my kids being home together, and they live close enough that they will never be spending the night here.
It felt like my heart was ripped out when S1 left for college, and it was hard to readjust after every break. D has been easier, but I was never one to deal with things well the first time. It did get better with S1 by Thanksgiving, but it took about that long for us.
I still haven’t put away the suitcases and plastic totes my son used to move and I brought back to store. I’ve been staying out of his room. Our neighborhood was full of kids. Twins next door, two houses across the street, and two houses to the left. All left for college this year. It’s like the Pied Piper marched all our children away.
Same, @OspreyCV22 , except for me, it’s my news feed filled with everyone’s kids in their new dorm rooms. I think a wine night is in order for me and my mom friends.
Another mom going thru this for the first time. It is so hard for me to give her her space and not constantly bug her with texts, but I’m doing it. I will admit I got a snap chat so I can stalk her “stories” to see what she’s up to. That makes me happy. I"m just super excited for her starting this next journey of her life. Snap chat helps me to share in some of that excitement in a more anonymous way. Of course we still have two others at home so there is still a lot going on.
I agree.
<god created="" teenagers="" so="" that="" parents="" won’t="" miss="" them="" when="" they="" go="" to="" college.="" wasn’t="" yours="" a="" teenager="" enough?="">
My teenager is very sweet. I can’t imagine letting her go 