I was a messy cocktail of exhaustion and loss the first few days after dropping mine off. It got better after some actual physical and mental rest, then worse again in the wake of a friend’s sad news, then better with evidence he was settling in, then worse after reading this thread…
Glad to see other people feeling the same way! I dropped off my baby last week and thought I would die. The entire week was an out-of-body experience of being unable to believe that this is now my life. Within about 8 weeks I have lost my mom and had all three of my kids move on to the next (positive) phases of their lives. My son is the best company I’ve ever had and I miss him terribly - I can’t imagine not missing him, but I will continue to get up every day and go to work to pay the tuition bill!
@porcupine98 , sorry, I hate to be a downer, especially becasue you are always positive. And @suzy100 , I have to laugh, despite feeling pretty raw, because in the last 24 hours I have had a bunch of TODs. (Texts of doom, for the unfamiliar.) I am going to remind myself that I am sure you are correct, and hopefully her next texts will be doom-free.
I’m getting … No responses to my texts. Can’t win. @Lindagaf, I have tales to tell, just trying to find a moment when I have more than a phone to work with.
@porcupine98 I, too, was getting no response to texts. Also, D1 was supposed to call last night and hadn’t. I complained to H that less than a week into the school year I was already on the border between concerned and pissed off. A few minutes later I saw him typing away on his phone and, astoundingly, I received both a text response and a phone call within the hour! 
It’s important to have allies…
@Lindagaf , the hardest thing for me was getting the phone calls each week and D still hadn’t made any friends. I won’t go into details (I posted quite a bit this time last year) but it was really hard. And it got harder, and then even harder again, she felt so out of sorts for so long. Finally at spring break (March) she came home and I could tell that things had come around. By the end of May, she was so enjoying herself that she stayed for a 10-week research project. She will leave on Sunday, after a short three weeks home this summer, and she can’t wait !! I am ecstatic for her, she is so happy. She has a bunch of friends, met someone she liked enough to share a room with this year and, while I will miss her tremendously, it’ll be different for both of us this year. Just know that it may take some time, some kids take longer than others for sure, be there for the tears and calls, but keep reassuring her and helping her get through it. I think the hardest part was D having to eat her meals by herself for months on end so that’s when we chatted on the phone, that really helped!
@NEPatsGirl , thank you so much. I so hope this happens for my daughter. You have helped me more than you know.
It’s early days yet. It takes a while to build community/find one’s tribe. But brutal while we/they wait.
@Lindagaf and remember, they are more likely to call or text those tod’s when they are feeling down. You don’t get the communication in the good moments, just remember, there are some of those going on too.
I have posted this before in other threads but it was an ‘aha’ moment for me last year when our daughter was a freshman. After we left our daughter’s campus, we spent a night in an airport hotel before starting our sequence of flights back to Asia where we work. I was on the phone complaining to my 75 year old mother about how hard it was to drive away and then be flying 7500 more miles away. She said something like, “and you know what, it never gets easier, how do you think it has been for me when during the past almost 20 years that you have lived overseas, you leave the US for ten months every fall?” I was a bit gobsmacked that my mother still misses me like that. Letting kids go is an ongoing source of pain that you have to deal with because you are forever connected to that person, because you want what is best for them and you want them to be happy.
For the entering college kids too, the learning curve is steep at first, and they probably feel somewhat abandoned too, even the really competent ones.
I try to hard to focus on all the positives and exciting things that she is getting to learn and do because of where she is now. I also try not to pretend that it isn’t supposed to hurt sometimes. Because it does. At first it is acute, but then the acceptance and coping will set in.
Thanks, lovely people. Now I am going to tell myself that is is going to be okay, and so am I.
zoosermom, I’m so sorry about the loss of your Mom. You must have had a very difficult summer. I hope you have a restful holiday weekend and hear from your kids.
Lindagaf, I have no words of wisdom. I dropped off my youngest last week, and in a few days our oldest goes back, and we will be official empty nesters. I want to quit this club before the 1st meeting.
For years I used to read CC and never post, now I’m actually braving a few posts… I learned so much over the years. I remember the very active thread you started for your daughter’s school search. Your kids are lucky to have you, and you and your daughter are both going to be ok!
@lindagaf from your other threads, as well as this one, your D sounds a lot like my middle D, quiet and introverted, takes time to settle in to a new situation. Sometimes concludes prematurely that a gloomy situation will never change.
When she went to college, I had both TODs and similar daily phone conversations with her. The logical part of her knew it would take time to settle in and make friends, but the anxiety she felt waiting for that to happen was at times overwhelming.
Her LAC has a good counseling center and I encouraged her to make an appointment to try and help her with her anxious feelings, since at some point, she began to have trouble sleeping and concentrating on her studies ( I think she was 2 weeks in at that point). She balked at first, then did meet with a counselor, who was very helpful. The counselor was a neutral party who was essentially telling her the same things I was, and that helped her to be more positive and less frustrated.
She saw the counselor once a week for the next month, and then stopped, as she found a few friends in class to study and hang out with, and she also joined a club sport, and started to have fun with that.
@zoosermom I too am so sorry for your loss. You are grieving on so many levels. I hope that you have a solid support system. I miss my Mom so much right now and wish I could talk to her about my feelings regarding my first born leaving for college. To all of you missing and worrying about your kids. Surround yourself around people who will listen to you and support you. It is OK to feel this way.
Dad here. Just dropped off youngest for freshman year, same weekend as eldest returned to his college, Fortunately was only three hours drive from his brother’s college.
Day 1 at freshman’s campus, had literally a day there, kid had to leave for off campus orientation next morning. Wife/mom cried after a marathon of moving/decorating/final family dinner.
Day 2 at junior’s campus, moving, shopping decorating in pouring rain, but that was not enough.
Day 3 at junior’s campus a little more shopping/decorating and then wife had to be dragged by me out the door. I saw look on son’s face (too polite to say LEAVE) but she couldn’t see it.
Long sad drive home, But that’s what the iphone is for (facetime really helps).
We are lucky at least the youngest is 3 hours away, which sounds not too far 
Eldest further, and in rural area where bus is only transportation, so we have to beg him to come home and visit !
Wow, blevine, that is a rough 3 days! You and your wife deserve something nice and relaxing this weekend!
A colleague of mine has had nothing but hysterical calls and texts from her freshman kid since move-in day. This person is a classic “snowplow” parent, someone who has always stepped in to rescue the kid from any uncomfortable situation, poor choice, or problem. The poor kid is now thousands of miles from home and is supremely ill-equipped for being on her own. Little to no resilience or problem-solving ability, and no ability to tolerate not having everything go exactly as she would like it to. What a disadvantage… It breaks my heart.
The more kids are able to become independent problem-solvers before they head off to college, the better. Sure, there will still be plenty of ‘teachable moments’ and life lessons along the way… but if you’ve taught them to stand on their own two feet, they will be OK. And I agree with another poster who said not to panic about the texts or calls of doom. Once they have dumped it all on you, they almost always go on their merry way and do just fine (leaving the parents to worry during sleepless nights)!.
Yes, @cameo43 , I made it claer there would be no rescue mission forthcoming. Even though I do wish I had my own helicopter right now, so I could whiz up and check on her, lol! She is in a snowy place though, so perhaps a snowplow would work best:-)
@Lindagaf I think it will get better with time. My D participated in a lengthy summer program in another state when she was a rising sophomore. We sent her on a plane by herself and she was gone. For the first couple of days, the void was unbearable. We then fell into a rhythm of texts and phone calls and it got better. I remember trying to help her figure out how to use a coin operated washing machine from afar (sending photos on her ipad). Turned out it was broken, but now it is a fond memory.
Of course, it was only for a month, not FOREVER. But we all adapted.
Hang in there!