@mamaedefamilia , D has actually been away a couple of summers in a row, but of course, it is different when your belongings go to the college with you:-) Anywya, I really appreciate everyone’s words of wisdom.
I got over it quicker than you’d think. I speak to both my D’s all the time. A lot of texting. Right now, as I type, one D just asked if as NYers do we ever use the term “lady” to address women (no idea why she wants to know) and the other just texted photos of bread in a bakery she’s in on a trip to SFO with her bf. They are 21 and 26. True, they live in NYC close to us, but once they move out, you need to just redefine what being a part of their lives becomes. Older D just posted this article to my Facebook: http://www.vogue.com/13469579/why-i-talk-to-my-mother-three-times-a-day/
I also found that when they were freshman in college–most of the communication was when there was a problem and they needed you to either give advice or be a sounding board. Much less communication when things were going well. They needed to establish boundaries and therefore only wanted to speak to you when THEY needed you. And they would get upset whenever I’d actually call on the phone.
But as time went on, and our relationship was re-defined, they would share a lot more of their lives with me. They didn’t feel the need to push me away as we already established a relationship in which they were independent.
Just adding another empty nest mom experience. My younger son has moved in, and has been far more insistent about limits than I was prepared for. He was the easy kid, the one who didn’t push and challenge, and we spent a lot of time together because of travel for his sport. I was not prepared for how clear a line he wanted drawn between high school and college, especially since he is continuing his sport. In the past, we would have talked about games, practice, positions … but he wants none of that now. I get it, and I’m sure once he feels more comfortable that he is living independently, we can continue some kind of comfortable conversation about his sport. But this is harder than I realized.
Take it as a compliment that you did your job well, @Midwestmomofboys, that your son feels ready to tackle it all on his own! Great job!
Hopefully, if you can’t make games, his school has live streaming video.
@Lindagaf, I agree with @uskoolfish, you and your daughter will likely fall into a communication pattern that will work for you. Last year when our daughter was a freshman, we tried video Skype once per week, but she was in a room with three other girls and it was hard to get privacy for that level of talking. She would go out into the stairwell to Skype (it was also at odd times when others were sleeping or in the thick of studying, because we live in Asia) and WiFi was spotty. The video would freeze or drop us, and it was kind of frustrating. Then for a while she would only ask to video Skype if she was upset and it was hard to watch and try to talk to her in tears. At the same time, we also fell into this pattern of texting twice per day. So now when she is getting up and getting ready in the morning and I just sit down for TV or reading in the evening, we text for a bit, and the reverse when I am doing breakfast here, and it is later afternoon right before dinner for her or her evening club or band practices. That texting pattern has continued now that she is back as a sophomore. It also worked for her for the weeks she was here in Asia for a few weeks after school got out in May and she communicated with her boyfriend who was in the states.
You will get through this. No one tells you about it, because you can’t really know how it feels until you go through it yourself, and then you and your kids have to find your own ways of adjusting to it.
@lindagaf. How is your D getting along with her roommate? And has D expressed any buyers remorse, given that she had a plethora of good college choices?
Don’t know, @wisteria100 , she is away on a mandatory group bonding experience right now. No cell phones. And she will have buyer’s remorse guaranteed, because she is indecisive and will probably always wonder about the ones that got away. However, I am very certain she is at the right place. (Keeping this thread generic, so won’t say where.)
We returned today from moving D1 3000 miles from home! My wife and I are still “processing” this new development. Fortunately, my introverted daughter appears contented with her choice. She is enjoying a single room, has already gone on a solo run on campus, has walked into town on her own, but has also met some “interesting and nice” people. The best advice we received from the parent orientation was to make sure your introverted student knew it was okay to remove themselves from activities and take time to recharge. The knee-jerk advice is to tell them to get more involved which can make them feel worse. We passed this information on to her and could see her noticeably relax. It was as if we gave her permission to figure this life out herself.
As we drove away from her campus, my wife finally broke down and sobbed “we’ve made a terrible mistake letting her move so far away!” But tears gave way to reason. She has to grow up. We couldn’t be happier with her college choice (except distance) and she has a track record of responsibility.
We are both sad that she has left. She is a wonderful part of our family and we do like her participation in our family life. We are doing out best to keep our sadness and anxiety to ourselves as we adjust to this new normal. No reason to pass it on to her or D2.
My sophomore daughter sent me a photo of the dinner she made for herself, a chicken and spaghetti dish that I have made for her many times that she loves. I have to say, it looked great and she said it tasted just as good. I am proud that she is doing so well feeding herself, but I have to admit that I have to fight that sad feeling that creeps over when you realize that it’s another way she doesn’t need me anymore.
My D has been too busy with orientation activities to talk to me much. I think it’s designed that way. I did find out that her roommates are fine and she has eaten every meal. She’s tired and has no time to get her text books. Could I please order them for her. Oh, and she’s having panic attacks at least twice a day…then she says she can’t talk. She might have time on Tuesday. ~X(
I get that too- I am very busy -can’t talk- and may have time on Tuesday. This was said to me by a kid who called me crying 5 times a day last year for at least 8 weeks.
It’s a good sign, I think.
Ours texts when he needs something. 
But has been generous with some weekend talk time, by prior arrangement. I’m feeling a bit less as if I’ve had a limb amputated.
One thing that we found helpful was to set up a Facebook Messenger group for our family. My son set it up last year and my daughter gave us all nicknames like “le Petit Turd” (her brother) and “Squirrel Killer” (herself). Someone in the family is always posting to the group. It’s comforting for me to wake up and read over the late night exchanges between my kids, everything from theological arguments (one Catholic, one Methodist) to rude videos.
We used the Messenger group a great deal last year when D was in France and we couldn’t always Skype because of the time difference. Naturally, we have private discussions, too, but the group thing keeps the family bond tight.
I like that idea.
Had a great talk with my freshman last night. First week of school went well. Found his classes, did some laundry, saw a football game with some new friends, getting along with roommate. Husband told him that he can come home if he wanted to on any weekend. Sons response “OK, but I don’t think I will have the time.” Felt really good to hear this. Seems like he is adjusting just fine. Deep sigh of relief.
We heard from S last Sunday. Given that this was a long weekend, on Friday, I turned to H and said “I bet we’ll hear from S tonight.” Sure enough, S called just after dinner. Most of the guys in his pod went home. He was one of four out of I’m not sure how many. He was going to do laundry and watch a movie. Campus Activities were showing something at the student center, but he was going to stay in and do Netflix. Saturday he was going to sleep late and do some serious reading. He said he found a garden that has a great bench where he has been going to read. He said all the clothes he hung up on hangers are still on their hangers. LOL. So, so far, all is well with the world.
Hoping that all of you freshman parents are starting to feel a bit better. So tough.
Lest you think you won’t be needed anymore after your children start college (or, in my case, graduate from college), who but me could my daughter send the following message to and know that she’ll receive a sympathetic response? “Life update: my left ear is totally clogged. so fun.”