Please proofread my short essay about why I think Duke is a good match for me. It is only supposed to be one or two paragraphs long. Please point out any spellin/grammar mistakes, awkward sentences, and/or anything that could be better and whether this essay works. Thank you!
Why do I want to go to Duke? Where do I begin!? There are several different reasons I feel Duke would be a good match for me. Unfortunately, due to limited space, I am going to have to focus on just a few of these reasons. One reason I love Duke is its great opportunities in research and its wonderful pre-med advising. I hope to major in either physics or biology and later become a doctor, and Dukes great opportunities will help me to achieve my goals. Another reason is its relatively small class size and wide range of course offerings. I really find the certificate program to be a very interesting program that will allow me to broaden my intellectual pursuits. Finally, one of the most compelling reasons I am attracted to Duke is its location. Not only is the campus beautiful and weather a bit better than in Indiana, but it is also located in the research triangle, which I find to be very beneficial for the course of study I will be pursuing. All in all, I would love to go to Duke and I feel that it would be a great match school for me. I hope that someday I will be able to take advantage of the opportunities Duke has to offer.
<p>OK… your space is limited, so don’t waste it writing about how your space is limited.</p>
<p>"Why do I want to go to Duke? Where do I begin!? " cut</p>
<p>"Unfortunately, due to limited space, I am going to have to focus on just a few of these reasons. " cut</p>
<p>and</p>
<p>"There are several different reasons I feel Duke would be a good match for me. " though not cut, rephrase. bleh. try “Duke would be a good match for me for several reasons.” And then don’t keep saying “reason”. this sentence:</p>
<p>'One reason I love Duke is its great opportunities in research and its wonderful pre-med advising. "</p>
<p>can be simply, “I love Duke for its great opportunities in research and wonderful pre-medicine advising” <— what precisely is advising by the way… advisors?</p>
<p>Yea, so, just cut all the “reason” reusage from your essay, I personally hate trying to use that word in essays, it just sounds awkward no matter what.</p>
<p>Start with “I love Duke…” Everything before that is unnecessary. End right before “All in all…” as the last two sentences are also unnecessary. I would also cut out the weather/climate stuff.</p>
<p>to save space, you can mush a bunch of stuff together and still have a strong lead by doing this:</p>
<p>Why do I want to go to Duke? Superb opportunities in research, wonderful pre-med advising, enviable life science department, small class sizes - you name it!</p>
<p>Ok, so “you name it” is really cheesy, but I can’t think of anything else, and this isn’t my essay anyway. Don’t think you have to introduce everything by saying “another reason I want to go to duke is because…”</p>
<p>Thanks for your comments. I am not really having a problem with space, I just put that line in to emphasize that I couldn’t name every aspect of the college that I like. I have changed some, but I have left some as well. Here’s my essay with a little bit of revision.</p>
<p>Why do I want to go to Duke? Where do I begin!? There are several different reasons I feel Duke would be a good match for me. One feature I love about Duke is its superb opportunities in research and its wonderful pre-med advising. I hope to major in either physics or biology and later become a doctor, and Dukes great opportunities will help me to achieve my goals. Another quality is its relatively small class size and wide range of course offerings. I really find the certificate program to be a very interesting program that will allow me to broaden my intellectual pursuits. Finally, one of the most compelling reasons I am attracted to Duke is its location. Not only is the campus beautiful and weather a bit better than in Indiana, but it is also located in the research triangle, which I find to be very beneficial for the course of study I will be pursuing. All in all, I would love to go to Duke and I feel that it would provide a great education which will help me pursue my future goals. I hope that someday I will be able to take advantage of the opportunities Duke has to offer.</p>
<p>You have a ton of "I"s, cut some of those down. You have some dull words you could replace, mostly “great” and “very.”</p>
<p>This sentence is wordy and uses the same word twice:
I really find the certificate program to be a very interesting program that will allow me to broaden my intellectual pursuits.</p>
<p>I don’t know much about Duke, but I’m assuming the certificate is what you get when you minor in something? All colleges do that.</p>
<p>It’s not exactly the same as a minor, I believe they have minors as well. It is similar though. I don’t think this essay will be worth much anyway, just as long as I indicate my reasons for wanting to go.</p>