Why IIT? Proofread please!

<p>Hey guys,</p>

<p>Can you all please proofread my essay for Illinois Tech, and give me a honest critique for it. Thanks! </p>

<p>How do you think IIT will prepare you to be a positive contributor to the world? This is your opportunity to share your goals and the ways you see IIT helping you achieve them.</p>

<p>I got interested in pursuing an engineering related career through a very unique experience. I was in India at during monsoon season, when humidity is at its highest. After exiting the mud building in the sultry heat, I let out a sigh. “Boy, that was fun!”. It was certainly a unique experience to teach underprivileged children the alphabet. Just as I was about to pat myself on the back, I noticed the inauguration of a building going on. I was informed that it was a building for housing the poor families in the area. The slum people looked at the engineers as if they were messiahs. I was deeply affected by that scene and decided to pursue engineering in order to serve humankind and give the future generations resources to establish themselves. My secondary education has already provided me with knowledge about human advancement. At IIT, I look forward to converting that knowledge to further the progress of society.
Why IIT? Not only is it an educational institution that is renowned through the nation, but has accolades internationally too, generating pioneers like Sam Pitroda, who is known as the ‘father of Indian telecommunications’. In addition, I really like the sustainability and mallebilility IIT has shown in constantly upgrading its services for the benefits of its students. Most importantly, the rigorous and wide array of engineering programs at the Armour College of Engineering will enrich and enhance my desire for a research-based career. Being an international student, another important factor to keep into account is the student diversity. While researching IIT as a prospective college, I became aware of the special attention its International Center gives to make the process of admission much smoother and going there more affordable for international students. IIT turned from just a ‘possible college choice’ to ‘a college I would love to go to’. Because of all these reasons, I see IIT being an ideal contributor in my career enhancement and maybe produce a second Sam Pitroda in a few years.</p>

<p>Hi there, I only read the first three sentences so far.. don't be offended by that. I'm an avid reader and an excellent writer so... I can garner a ton of information about the writer from just reading the first three sentences.</p>

<p>There are some grammar issues there- but first things first..
You don't need your first sentence. The admissions officers know the question that they asked there is no need to reiterate it. Also your essay suddenly gets very interesting when your second sentence becomes your first. It will hook them and make them want to read more. That's all for now. I'll be back to read the rest later. gGood luck!</p>

<p>Yeah, sorry, I was too lazy to do a grammar check haha. Am doing them as we speak. And no problem, thank you for taking the time out to proofread it.</p>