You are the only one in your orbit who believes you have “poor credentials”. Most people in the world have a HS education. You are a college graduate and will- either soon or at some point- have a doctorate.
Agree that speaking with your therapist this weekend is a terrific idea. Explore why you feel that a job that will use your brain (even if it doesn’t require a PhD) is problematic.
Hugs. This is a marathon not a sprint!
I suppose I should use a clearer term. By “poor credentials,” I essentially mean having an awful portfolio. It’s comporable to college graduates nowadays who graduate without an internship and have a hard time finding a job afterwards.
One project at a time, low Bachelor’s and Master’s grade (my Ph.D GPA is fine), no publications, and posters only is not a good look. This fellowship for future faculty sponsored by the state of Michigan and visiting position at a SLAC is all I have going for me right now and I’ve dropped the ball on that.
I’ll admit that I’m not entirely sure what you mean by “considering a job that uses my brain to be problematic” though. Was that a reference to my earlier statement of my preference for finding a linear job? If so, I’m doing that since that kind of work has clear direction and it would click well with my neurodivergent brain imo.
You posted this today. But last week? A few weeks ago? You were working on roles outside of academia where having a PhD wouldn’t be relevant. Aren’t those the positions your job counselors are finding for you?
I think looking outside of academia is a terrific idea for you. Pivot away from all the baggage you are carrying with you, start something new that uses your brain but doesn’t keep you locked into the “prestige ladder” or where your degrees are from are going to matter.
Weren’t the counselors even finding roles in government? For some of these jobs, once you’ve checked the box “Yes I have a Bachelor’s degree” and they’ve verified your transcript- that’s it. Big U- small college, top 30, regional U-- nobody will care.
You are right that the counselors are helping me look for positions outside of academia. I’m getting up to 10 relevant job leads a week from vocational rehabilitation and meeting with a coach every two weeks.
Many of them are positions that require a bachelor’s and/or Master’s with X years of experience (lower years of experience the higher the dehree someone has in this case). Those Clinical Research Coordinator positions are an example of that.
As for the government jobs, they’ve helped with ideas but I’ve largely been on my own when it comes to that front. I’m a member of the Federal Workforce Recruitment program and have a contact there who’s helped give me some info about how to have the bots that filter applications pick mine up, how to write my resume, etc. My current therapist also used to work military jobs and did federal job hiring himself at one point so he’s been immensely helpful there as well.
It sounds like behaviorally you are doing the right things to find/apply for jobs, but cognitively you still seem to be in a negative mindset. Climbing out of whatever hole you feel you are in takes one step at a time. Focus on what you enjoy, what you feel you are good at and what you feel you can succeed in. Always, and I mean ALWAYS, end with a positive thought.
I will state that my behavior isn’t all good though. I’m still a month and a half behind on grading both Research Methods sections I’m teaching. I’ll also shower every other day quite often and brush my teeth at irregular times. Doing things I enjoy is quite infrequent as well.
I consistently feel like I’m putting in 2x the effort of everyone else to get half as much or less. Part of the reason I feel like I’m in the hole again (similar to the gap year I didn’t take by choice during my undergrad) is because I’ve realized how much what I’ve pursued plays to my weaknesses rather than my strengths (e.g., teaching and the lack of routine involved with it other than regular class times goes poorly for me).
As much as I want to get back into exercising or other things like that, I can’t bring myself to do it for whatever reason.
Applying for a job a day (or multiple a day if I miss a day or so) has been something that’s been consistent for what that’s worth.
Edit: Spelling
That’s the “behavior” I am referring to- job applications. But again, you are focusing more so on what you aren’t doing . Until you change that mindset you are going to stay in that hole.
I see where you’re coming from now.
At the same time though, I feel like I’m not in a hole metaphorically speaking at all, although I am in one mentally for sure. In my case though (and what I’m talking about), I am talking about being in a hole in real life as far as skills and whatnot goes. I was way below the benchmarks at every point in my education up until this point and it showed for sure.
The mental health component of this is certainly fair game for sure. However, I think there’s something to be said about skills that’s important here.
You can’t take care of others if you don’t take care of yourself first.
The discussion has moved far beyond the original topic, and into a territory more appropriate for discussions with a specialist, rather than strangers on the internet.
Closing thread