Write my common app essay please 
My grades have been really low. Is that a hook?
I’m worried that my B+ will get me rejected.
I need somebody to hold my hand.
Would writing an essay about the drawers of my desk help?
^The inside contents of the drawers or the actual wood?
If I take every AP test available as a Freshman in high school, will the admissions rep be impressed?
I’ve been caught cheating multiple times, how can I manage to never be punished for it? (Please don’t come down on me hard or say I did something wrong.)
I am a freshman and Harvard is my dream school since I was 5. I just got my first semester grades back, and I am FREAKING OUT!!! Will they reject me because I got 3 Bs this semester?
@Madison85 yes.
Which style of Fluevog shoes will make me popular?
If I sorted cans at a food bank with my kindergarten Daisy Scout troup, can I count that as an EC?
I think someone who likes parodying other threads should start a thread for that, rather than here, which is not that.
I mean, parody is funny–just was never the intent here.
@Madison85 gets it!
Or is it simply life imitating art? 
^I mean, I get that threads morph–I was just trying to get at something a little less predictable.
Not sure whether this is the right place to complain that no one told me how large my suitcase is? (See earlier post, too lazy to look up the post #).
I’m home schooled. Chance me for valedictorian!
@2muchquan, not much I see online makes me entirely literally laugh out loud, and even then it’s generally only a chuckle. Thanks for a needed boost on a tough workday!
@dfbdfb I’m glad to be of service!
Doctors who remove wrong body parts.
Why on cc.
Who is allowed to cook some other nationality’s food .
Really?
Do you have favorite signs on your day to day routes? This showed up recently at my neighborhood grocery:
Please don’t spit tobacco in the water fountain.
I just can’t help smiling every time I see it. Soon I may start a scrapbook of local Church signs. They are pretty good, too.