<p>My friend and I were having coffee today and among the topics of discussion were the fact that we haven’t much discussed my son’s application/admissions status much. Her son was accepted ED to one of the top LAC’s, my son deferred from an Ivy. We are absolutely people who talk about everything, and we have talked at many stages about the application process, but have barely touched in the last 2 months. She is not avoiding it out of worries about my feelings (I think we are just past that sort of thing). Really, the issue is that I am not bringing it up! She asked why…and I said that I think it is truly because I feel that my son will be “fine” and do “well” no matter where he goes to college! </p>
<p>I think having done this 2 years in a row I am probably a bit burned out, but I genuinely feel that my son brings so much to the table that any incremental difference in the “value” of the 8 very carefully selected schools he applied to might not make that much difference. In the recesses of my mind the one reachiest reach probably would be the only school I would admit where anything specific about the school would matter-- but even that has some limitations to it and is no more “perfect” than some of the others.</p>
<p>My only hope, as I articulated to my friend, is that he has a choice. I almost don’t care what choice, just that he has one. </p>
<p>Has anyone else reached this point?? I am I just over-rationalizing already!!</p>
<p>Robym, son applied to 8 carefully selected schools as well. Any would be fine, good as far as I am concerned. He had to make double applications since he is a musician. He has acceptance, emails, phone calls from music schools and no acceptance from the larger university and vice versa. I am sure it will all come together within the month. Each school is special in its own way. The pieces will need to match up and I bet they do, for all of us.</p>
<p>My feeling is that your friend is so pumped about her kid getting into an ivy that she is a bit disappointed that you are not asking her to talk about it. Since this isn’t your first college admissions experience you are probably a bit more loose about the whole thing and you just want your child to be happy and get into the school that is right for him. Some parents want to totally dissect the college applications/acceptance/admissions thing, especially if it is their first time - I know I am totally unbearable! I rehash every detail with my husband, friends, sisters, and anyone who will listen. Every day I have a new take on the whole thing - and my kid hasn’t even applied to college yet.</p>
<p>I think that some parents feel that if their kid gets into the greatest school that it means that they are excellent parents who have done all the right things. Perhaps talking it out with their friends reinforces this. Maybe you should indulge your friend and give her a chance to brag a bit.</p>
<p>Holycow,
Actually, my friend’s son is going to the same top LAC that his older brother is about to graduate from(not an Ivy)…she is an old hand, too!! She is “past thinking about it” because her son got in ED…I am not quite past it, just wondering in part why I am not thinking about it more!! She is thrilled, I am thrilled for her and her son, she doesn’t brag (not her nature). </p>
<p>I am just a little surprised with myself that this is where I am (not nervous, wondering but not really ‘caring’)…and wonder how common this reaction is!!</p>
<p>Robyrm, it depends on the person - how long it takes to get “past thinking about it”. Only now am I getting past thinking about it - and my son has been in college for a semester and a half. But then I am a CC-er…</p>
<p>But to tell you the truth, around this time last year, I was also past caring…it was a very healthy way of looking at things. Only when April 1 rolled along, and it was fine for my son did I start becoming interested again…</p>
<p>Achat,
I wonder if I am “pre-rationalizing” a bit…(btw, friends’ sons are Swatties)…</p>
<p>My son had to make an extraordinarily difficult decision last week and he just handled it so well that I guess it inflated my general level of confidence in him!! </p>
<p>I think I might get re-interested once it is “safe” to be so (maybe April 1!)…</p>
<p>I find myself detaching, reattaching, detaching from the whole process. I do know that it will all work out. Think I understand your not wanting to share with your friend at this point because there are so many unknowns. When there is no clarity, and yet when your kid has done everything possible, you just have to be still and wait to see what happens.<br>
When that “sight” comes, you will be able to move forward and converse and get excited again. I am looking forward just to knowing what is what.<br>
All the best to you.</p>
<p>I am finding this as well. Of course, the fact that there is virtually no one here to discuss this with (who has been through it and fullly understands the complex process) has something to do with it <em>lol</em>. But, there are other things as well…</p>
<p>I, too, think I have reached a level of burnout with this whole thing. The fall was SO intense with the submission of the ED app. and the preparation of the 10 other apps. that it was sort of a 24/7 proposition. Now, though, it is out of our hands, and that fact, in and of itself, essentially puts it into a new phase.</p>
<p>Then too, my S has received the Michigan acceptance, so that sort of gives us a very positive worst case scenario.</p>
<p>And then there is the poignant result of the Yale rejection…it was very defeating and really put into perspective his actual chances (with no legacy, URM status, money, etc.) of getting into a highly selective college. I guess you could say that some of the complacency is due to much-lowered expectations. :(</p>
<p>But most of all, I, like you, have come to the conclusion that it WILL all be O.K. He will not only survive, but THRIVE, anywhere he ends up. I do credit this forum for bringing a great deal of perspective to what can be a totally overwhelming, singularly-focussed, and exceedingly stressful situation. </p>
<p>Please know that we are pulling for you son and wishing for many wonderful choices to come his way in a few weeks! </p>
<p>I am a firm beleiver that you are where you need to be. As a parent whose child went through the RD route last year, at this there really isn’t anything to talk about. You went through the D process got the result, and realize that it is counter productive to dwell on what ifs. I don’t think it is unusual for you to feel the way you do because the school did make a judgment on your wonderful son, based measures that could be seen as arbitrary if you pick it apart. The decision did not put a smile on your child’s face and the lioness in us flares up at the thought of anything hurting our children. There has been a ding at your heart because of it and it is doing to take a minute for the ding to heal. It’s just a long night in your life but you know that joy is coming in the morning!</p>
<p>While are happy for all of your child’s friends and their parents who went through the ED process and are finished and you have nothing to report. There is nothing wrong with letting the process play it self out, you are not guessing or proclaiming where your son will be be admitted and theat really is a good thing. I beleive that your son is in a good place becasuse you have probably told him (and it’s true) that he will have choices in April when the morning comes.</p>
<p>Hey go got us to get your vent off to because some of us have been in the same boat and others while we this has not been our experience can emphasize with what you are feeling, so no harm, no foul.</p>
<p>A totally different take on things. I actually was commenting on this with my S#1. He was a well-rounded kid who applied to a variety of LACs, reaches, matches, safeties, seven in all, all RD. Despite the fact that there was a longer period of time to obsess about admissions, we were all very relaxed ( I had not discovered CC!). We knew that all the schools he’d applied to were great and if my S got into any of them, he would thrive.<br>
We were more anxious about S #2 because he had a much narrower range of schools to choose from and they were all crapshoots. Although he applied EA and was accepted by mid- December, ifall was a more stressful time for us. We worried about the possibility that he might be rejected and how to plan for that. I nearly wished that he had applied RD to a bunch of schools, or that he had applied EA to a school that was not quite at the top of his list but was a tad less selective.
It seems to me that your son is more like my S#1 and that you are reacting more or less the same way we did. I don’t think his college application dominated our discussions within the family or with friends. He was turned down by his reaches and was accepted into all his matches and safety. They all came within a day or so of one another, so he quickly got over the rejections and could turn his mind to choosing among the acceptances. He did not make up his mind until April 30, so April was a busy month. You may well find yourselves in the same situation in a few weeks.</p>
<p>As an ED2-accepted kid’s mom I have avoided talking about acceptance with friends who are waiting out of sensitivity to their angst. </p>
<p>I am glad you have no angst. This may derive from your experience seeing S1 wend his way throught the process to a great conclusion; why wouldn’t S2 have the same satisfactory conclusion? Of course, he will!</p>
<p>I will have less angst with kid 2. I think my concerns about D1 bordered on paranoia. I only saw the “negatives” of her profile and was wrapped into the athletic recruiting part of it being the saving grace. When she was rejected ED1, it really made me nervous about the whole enchilada!!</p>
<p>Funnily enough, that is the only denial she got. She was admitted to her EA schools & also (we just discovered) to UC Berkeley, a great school where her tennis is not even good enough to make the team! We found this out because when she attempted to withdraw the application (per ED agreement) she had to fill out & sign a different form to “cancell admission.” The others we will never know but based on what we did find out, I suspect she would have had quite a few admissions.</p>
<p>I think I was too worried. I was skeptical of her being admitted to UCB-- yet she was. I was unduly thrown by the ED1 denial. Probably she was way less of a “longshot” than I originally thought at her reaches. I think with kid 2 I will have more faith that by picking good matches & safeties, we’ll be okay, whether or not there is an ED denial or deferrment.</p>
<p>Glad to hear that so many clear thinkers have been like minded on this one. Thanks for the vote of support!</p>
<p>The buzz for him might start next week at the regional Forensics competition…there will be a lot of kids there waiting to hear… but he will probably be on the beach in Bali when the emails and letters start to come in (the same was true for the brother last year). I doubt it will cross his mind until he gets back, and I have not pointed out the timing to him…why bother? And as for a busy month of April, Marite, “from your lips to
…”</p>
<p>Robyrm…you should bottle and sell that sense of peace :). I am sure MANY parents would give anything to be in your mentally well-grounded shoes!</p>
<p>Does anything have to do with the fact that one tends to fret more about the first child’s experiences? I think about all my children on some level all the time, but I do find that even when the younger ones are encountering difficulties, I have such a much better perspective with them than I did with my first. I am hoping that I will feel like you do, when mine are seniors and waiting to hear! Best of luck.</p>
<p>Thanks…we have a 3rd but my husband assumes she will be waving goodbye to us from the back of a Harley…my guess, she will be testing the waters in Australia or Singapore rather than the US…and we will be telling her to go for it! Lots of things changed between 1 and 2, more between 2 and 3 (but I know yours are twins!)…</p>
<p>2 weeks ago I had to give a talk in another Asian city to parents at a very rigorous school and the theme given to me by the administrators was to help the parents(pre-k-12) to “cool down” as the kids were/are infinitely stressed. I did a lot of reading to be fully convincing (I was already fully convinced)…best book for sense of peace(regardless of your religious affiliation, though the book/author are affiliated)…“Blessings of a Skinned Knee”</p>
<p>I asked for and received “Blessing of a Skinned Knee” for Christmas, and love it too! Had to laugh (or at least smile, chagrinned) when the author suggested we should spend about 20 minutes a day thinking about our kids’ schooling!</p>
<p>I used that quote and someone asked if that was per child, or per family! The notion that if you are worrying excessively you miss out on the fun appeared eye-opening!!</p>
<p>robym
I misunderstood your post. I hope I am as philosophical and calm as you are when D2 decides to apply for college. D1 has not even applied yet and it is pretty stressful around here - mostly because I do not know what I am doing nor how to advise her. The low-stress, calm attitude you have right now sounds pretty healthy to me. It sounds like your son will be better than fine and so will you. Good luck both of you.</p>
<p>As a parenthetical side note, I find that nearly a year after the conclusion of the whole process, all that Stress is long vanished. There are new stresses, of course, but none with the seeming overwhelming magnitude, especially during that dry period after the EA rejection from Yale. And though my daughter is going to Smith, I will always have a spot of gratitude in my heart for Wellesley, with their humane “Early Evaluation” that let D know she had an [extremely probable] acceptance in February. </p>
<p>As it turns out, I do think that D could have thrived at any number of schools. But seeing the actual experience of where she is, I think things turned out just fine, or even better than that, in that she’s getting things she wouldn’t have gotten elsewhere.</p>
<p>Otherwise, so much that seemed of monumental importance a year ago (like SAT scores) has now dwindled to a speck in the rear view mirror.</p>