Why Rent When You Can Nest?

Parent Cafe
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<p><a href=“http://www.nytimes.com/2011/09/25/opinion/sunday/why-rent-when-you-can-nest.html[/url]”>http://www.nytimes.com/2011/09/25/opinion/sunday/why-rent-when-you-can-nest.html&lt;/a&gt;&lt;/p&gt;

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more of the piece at link</p>

<p>and there was another article in the front page section about inter-generational living in NYC</p>

<p>My kids probably will never live close enough for this to work :(</p>

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<p>What’s old is new.</p>

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<p>Not a big deal in other parts of the world.</p>

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<p>I have no intention of selling our big colonial after the kids graduate from college. I anticipate one will be a starving actor and the other a starving med student. It will surprise me if they DON’T boomerang. </p>

<p>Plus, things won’t be easy for their generation. This great recession is in no hurry to end and it will be a while before we’re prosperous again, I think. So, whatever, they move home. There are worse things in life.</p>

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<p>My kids will have to find their own place- our house may have been big enough to raise kids, but it isn’t big enough for the same number of adults.
However, my oldest has been living on her own since graduating college and my youngest has still a few more years to go, but she is equally as independent.( if not more so)</p>

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<p>We will be more than welcome to nest our kid, if she is willing.</p>

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<p>We told our girls they can live at home, but that some “rent” would be expected and they’d still have to participate in the usual things we do to keep up the house, plus have dinner with us once in a while. In return, we’d mostly butt out of their lives and decisions. It helps that we have extra room, away from the main living space. </p>

<p>But, honestly, mostly I think of those lionesses out in the wilds who, when the kid gets to be a certain age, nudge him out. We love them dearly, but enjoy the times when they are both at school.</p>

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<p>Our willingness to let our kids come back to the nest was seen as more threat than comfort (although I’m sure deep down it helps that they know they have a place to go if their lives crater).</p>

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<p>“Our willingness to let our kids come back to the nest was seen as more threat than comfort”</p>

<p>You’ve got that right. That empty bedroom makes my D works all the harder at supporting herself (and paying for her own nest)</p>

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<p>I have a friend who’s son is in year one of a three year post-grad internship of sorts. Year one is out of state, years two and three may be back in his hometown. My friend is constantly “on” son about how next year there will be no need to have his own apt - he can save $$, live at home, not have the stress of laundry/cooking/cleaning because she will do it all - honestly, that makes me all cringe. I want to say PLEASE give him the opportunity with your blessing of NOT moving back home if that is what he desires. (He is best friends w/my D and the impression I get is he is LOVING his time on his own, but could definitely feel guilty to do other than what his mom wants). This friend has a serious case of “empty nest” no doubt and goes to extreme lengths to visit/get together with her two kids and hover. </p>

<p>I would never totally shut our kids out and I miss terribly the time when they were home, but my wish for them is to have the means and confidence to be out on their own.</p>

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<p>It seems to me it really is a cultural thing. A young Italian friend can’t believe my unmarried sons don’t live with me and my new southern neighbors are very concerned the old house we are restoring isn’t big enough if our children want to come back. They were reassured and comforted when I pointed out there was plenty of room for mobile homes on the property. It is a very rural area.</p>

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<p>Prying a young Italian man away from home and mama is a major undertaking. In Italy they are called “mammone”. The care and feeding of the Italian male is generally transferred from mother to wife, without the typical American independent bachelor existence in between. In America, very few women are attracted to a man still living with mom. It just doesn’t have a lot of cache.
That in itself is reason to leave the nest.</p>

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<p>Because some of these young men decide to study in the US, I have now, rather unwillingly, served the substitute mama role for two young Italian males (28-34 yrs old) and when their real mamas come to visit they bring me presents. When my own sons went “off” to college these young men thought I was a terrible mother. And they just can’t believe any son would willingly leave home :)</p>

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<p>In HI, this has long been very common. I was considered somewhat unusual because I went out & rented a place of my own when I graduated from law school & returned to HI to start a job. The rent was very reasonable & allowed me to unpack (the house I few up in had filled in the space I left behind with those who lived there). It was much more comfortable for everyone with me living in an apartment rather than figuring out where I could stash my things in my folks’ place.</p>

<p>In HI, even married couples often live return to live in the family home. Divorced spouse often brings kids when boomeranging which has its pros & cons. When my kids come back to HI, I will not be surprised if they opt to live in our place for some time before figuring out where they want to live. Housing in HI is among the most expensive in the US.</p>

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<p>While I’d like to downsize from our large close in suburban Colonial, renting in our nearby desired by-city-girl me costs as much as our mortgage for less room and buying doesn’t make sense right now (missed city buying opportunity a decade ago so now much less room and property for more.)</p>

<p>And, reality is, it’s a family member who may need to live with us due to hardship. And one never knows about our kids as the city has great undergraduate and graduate schools.</p>

<p>I’m thinking maybe we will go green with cisterns, garden, and chickens.</p>

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<p>There is no reason for us to rent as we do not have mortgage. To rent any reasonable place that will not be anywhere close to comfort of our own home will be way more expansive.
There is no reason for my first year Med. student D. to buy. She has no idea where she will be in 4 years. More so, in 3rd year of Med. School when they go thru rotations, it does not matter where she lives, she might need to go to different places every few months, I have no idea how it works. We were debating about buying, but it is too much to go thru for that short time, so D’s tiny studio in not very good neighborhood cost more than our house at very nice suburban location.
Again, my S. has bought apartment in NYC. The price has risen about 4.5 times since he bought it. The reason he did was that the rent in NYC is ingredibly high and S. saw potential of this particular neighborhood to go up, which it did.<br>
I do not see any general solution at all. Everybody’s situation is vey unique. Some are comfy with several generations living under the same roof, some are very far from it.</p>

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<p>Well…if our kids move back here AND have full time jobs…they are welcome to RENT space from us. Yep…we would charge them if they were working.</p>

<p>If our kids need to live here between jobs, we would set a limit on the amount of time they could stay…and want to see evidence they were looking for employment. As long as they needed a roof over their heads to HELP them get started again…fine.</p>

<p>Here’s hoping the kid in the article is a great help around the house!</p>

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<p>I think the young man needs to transfer the ownership of the pizza restaurant to his parents as they actually paid for the buy in.</p>

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<p>Maybe they receive free pizza for life.</p>