<p>It’s true that it’s hard to know why some can’t “make it” in the world. There are not so many “soft landings” for folks who don’t have the skill set to function well in the modern world–getting a job that can pay expenses, budgeting and saving, carry out all the activities of daily living, etc. The world is OK for many but a really tough place for those without the needed skill set.</p>
<p>Agree that some things are biological and some are environmental as to how well or poorly folks will function–the old nurture/nature debate that has been raging in sociology and psychology forever. Having more things going “right” for you increases your odds of being able to have a comfortable living, but no guarantees. </p>
<p>No matter how much you think you made it based on your drive and hard work there is a lot of luck and happenstance that goes on in everyone’s life.</p>
<p>Yes you can make your own good luck but there are people who work as hard and who are just as smart that for some reason their own good luck just does not happen. Forget about how bad luck through no fault of our own jumps up and bites someone.</p>
<p>Of course good and bad luck plays a part in everyone’s life. So do good and bad choices, which are generally not a matter of luck. I think the more successful people do not let obstacles or bad luck get in their way, and keep reaching for their goals. If you don’t think you are capable of something, because of reasons X, Y, or Z, it is never going to happen, no matter how much good luck and opportunity you get. If you decide you can do it, figure out a way and keep going for it, even if you have to jump some hurdles, odds are, you’ll achieve your goal.</p>
<p>Yes, there are some people that will never have a shot because of impossible obstacles in their lives. But there are many who make small obstacles into impossible ones, and seemingly purposefully make their lives as difficult as possible. Happy and successful people think they can control their destiny, they don’t sit around waiting for good luck.</p>
<p>dstark for the sake of discussion I can assure you neither my brother nor sister witnessed something as traumatic as a murder although while in undergrad I did I also over drank and abused pot and cocaine from high school to my Jr year of college. I can also assure you they would stand behind your statements that they are traumatized drug addicts that were never given a chance because they were poor when in fact both attended and graduated from good colleges. </p>
<p>While yes we are biologically different and have different personalities I think we have to draw a line when it comes to how different and unique we really are from others. </p>
<p>While I’m honored to be getting my PhD at a fine institution, I can assure there is no shortage of researchers in any institution producing application proof research in the name of social justice socioeconomic and biological uniqueness to the point of that I believe it’s a hindrance to the progression of certain social classes. </p>
<p>I once had a professor tell me in undergrad the only reason I got out of my particular situation was because I was a pretty toe headed white boy. If one knows anyone who could wrap their head around on incredibly offensive, inaccurate and irresponsible that statement was please introduce me to them so I can study them. </p>
<p>The unfortunate belief both inside and outside of academia is that we are somehow supposed to draw some conclusion of the way things are out of abstract theories. But truth be told there has been many a defense passed on bad science and many a course taken based on generalizations and many a kid graduated to think what they are taught is gospel. </p>
<p>Now while I’m no veteran of skid row I can without a doubt say that I have a choice and have been given many opportunities to make both the wrong ones and the right ones. And if I based my choices on what chances science and research determined were most likely outcomes for my circumstances, I’d still be living in my moms trailer most likely selling the hard stuff while sleeping with my neighbors.</p>
<p>There comes a time in everyone’s life when they either need decide if they want to be special, unique and biologically different* or grow up and get their lives sorted out. I firmly believe if you have a IQ over 90 without a major debilitating mental disorder that can’t be regulated with medication then anything is possible. God, the government, your therapist, your AA sponsor and most certainly your education is not going to do it for you. </p>
<p>Livingsmall, I am not quite understanding your first paragraph. You drank, abused pot and cocaine? </p>
<p>I have three kids. They are different. </p>
<p>If environment was not a factor, CC would not exist.</p>
<p>Home prices would not be a fraction of the cost 10 miles east compared to here.</p>
<p>Some people can overcome their environment, but the odds aren’t good. </p>
<p>I am glad you are one of the ones that is overcoming his environment. That is great. You are beating the odds. </p>
<p>I used to work with a guy who overcame his environment. His childhood friends are dead. They would probably be alive if they grew up 10 miles west. </p>
<p>Yes, we can all only position ourselves as well as our circumstances allow. We don’t get to choose our brains, bodies, and a lot of other things. We all do the best we can with what we encounter in life. Certainly, there are some that do much better with making delicious lemonade with lemons than others. Life certainly isn’t fair and even tougher when it seems the deck is stacked against you. </p>
<p>Luck HAS has been kinder to me than some others. I am grateful for it and paying it forward in my own way. Refusing to be a victim and working hard and as well as possible with whatever one has seems to be a good way of moving forward with what life brings. Having too many tough times in a row is definitely wearying and takes a toll.</p>
<p>By the way, I never said what you said I said.</p>
<p>" I can also assure you they would stand behind your statements that they are traumatized drug addicts that were never given a chance because they were poor when in fact both attended and graduated from good colleges."</p>
<p>I said environment is a factor. It is not the sole factor.</p>
<p>I really dislike arguing about things I did not say. </p>
<p>My husband and I would be the first people to agree with you. We worked hard for what we have and we’ve been very fortunate in life and luck played a part in that. Here’s an example–my H made a career change (from academia to finance). Two years into that change, the guy who headed up his group died of a heart attack. People took a chance on H and made him head of that group–despite the fact that there were much more experienced people there. That was luck. </p>
<p>Yes dsstark I over drank abused pot and cocaine, also I was not insinuating you said that I was insinuating the you were perpetuating an excuse that somehow my siblings are more disadvantaged than my sister and I were.</p>
<p>And again "If environment was not a factor, CC would not exist.</p>
<p>Home prices would not be a fraction of the cost 10 miles east compared to here.</p>
<p>Some people can overcome their environment, but the odds aren’t good.</p>
<p>I am glad you are one of the ones that is overcoming his environment. That is great. You are beating the odds."</p>
<p>I don’t see how home prices and CC’s have anything to do with this. Also if a CC is close by you have even more of an advantage. I worked from CC to a 4 year school to a PhD. </p>
<p>There is a great assumption that there are these “odds against us poor folk” I can assure this is a false belief and excuse for being lazy or taking the easy way out. While my neighborhood school was not great it was there and we went. We all knew doing, and selling drugs, fighting and killing was bad. We all knew domestic violence was wrong and not healthy, we all knew gangs were a dead end road. We all knew there is such thing as Financial Aid or a part time job, grants and scholarships were there if we wanted them and worked for them. No body hid those from us. It’s a choice. I don’'t think there was a day that went by that my friends and I did not talk about getting out of this s**t hole. I don’t remember any of us having discussions that selling crack or gang banging was a way out. In fact many of my friends have made it out one way or the other in a positive way, some went into the trades, some the military, some college etc… the ones that stayed behind please have no doubt it was a choice. Not forced. There are no odds there is always a way out and believe me the teachers no matter how bad the school spent their days letting you know that. I don’t think I struggled anymore adjusting to college than the rich kid who ended up being my roommate. </p>
<p>It’s almost like when I did a semester abroad program I remember a kid down the hall complaining he could not afford it. I told him to get a part time job it’s only 2000 bucks. You can make that in 5 weeks stocking shelves at a home depot. Or get on Dorm crew or go down to the FASFA office and see if they have any scholarships. If the odds are the kid was to stupid to ask the question or read his student handbook I don’t know how we solve those odds. </p>
<p>These are not odds these are choices. the opportunity is there and it’s been there the past 3 decades. </p>
<p>I agree with Bromfield that her H’s quick promotion was a lucky happenstance for him because there was a vacancy. However, the fact that he continued to do well was not due to luck but his ability. </p>
<p>Have you ever had to work a retail job?
$2,000 in five weeks is $400 after taxes. What’s minimum wage in your area?
Working retail means you need to be available when ever they want to schedule you. Which may be at 10 am tomorrow, or at 1pm. Maybe they will call you up tomorrow and say you need to come in even if you are not scheduled. If you have something else you have to do, keep in mind that if you refuse again, you likely will be fired for cause.</p>
<p>Cocaine is Gods way of saying you have too much money. </p>
<p>When I said CC, I meant college confidential. You have a bunch of parents reading and posting in this forum. They care about the environment where their kids live. </p>
<p>I went to a community college. I thought the courses were quite good.</p>
<p>I am glad that you and your friends figured a way to change your lives.</p>
<p>When I was in my 20s, I didn’t believe in white privilege, male privilege, heteronormative privilege, or the luck of birth. Now I do. I’m lucky. really really lucky</p>
<p>Perhaps the biggest luck element that one can have is being born into a stable high SES family in a non-poor country with reasonably stable and effective social, political, and economic structures and institutions.</p>
<p>“When I was in my 20s, I didn’t believe in white privilege, male privilege, heteronormative privilege, or the luck of birth. Now I do. I’m lucky. really, really lucky.”</p>
<p>I guess I was lucky to be ignorant. If I’d realized that I was so disadvantaged, being just a woman of lower SES, I wouldn’t have even tried to go into a career field that was almost exclusively white male. Perhaps the luck was to be clueless.</p>
<p>I wasn’t referring to the niece when I mentioned lack of planning–I was referring to her father. He was gainfully employed (was a pressman for the local newspaper) and had a house. He apparently saved nothing for retirement and gets social security and a small pension. He sold his house to pay his debts and that’s when he moved in with his daughter. We have no idea why he went into debt. The back story is that my husband’s sister (his wife and mother of the niece) died from complications of diabetes when her kids were in middle school. That was something that changed the family. The Dad managed to raise the kids with the help of his mother and my mil–but he was devastated and never got over it. I’m sure that’s one of the reasons he never planned much for retirement or for helping a disabled child. His son joined the service when he was 18 and has never been back. We’re happy to be able to help them–it’s not a problem for us. They’ve had a difficult life and they live in a small, steel town near Pittsburgh that’s perhaps one of the most depressing places I can imagine. </p>
<p>If you are disadvantaged, that doesn’t mean you don’t have a shot. You have less of a shot. </p>
<p>If you have a 25 percent chance of getting something, you have a 25 percent chance. You don’t have a zero percent chance. Go get it. If you don’t try, your chances are probably zero. </p>
<p>If you have a 25 percent chance and it comes through, cool. Doesn’t mean you weren’t at a disadvantage. </p>
<p>I know somebody that sent out 50 job applications for jobs in which he did not meet the jobs’ requirements. He was at a disadvantage. One response. 49 nothings. That is a 2 percent response. More than a zero percent chance. Got a job.</p>
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