<p>“If that was the answer, and the only answer, then this thread would have no value, as it could be addressed in one sentence. That is YOUR answer, but it’s pretty sanctimonious to apply it to everyone else.”</p>
<p>This board is shot through with first-world problems (after all, even Harvard vs State U is fundamentally a first-world problem, not to mention Harvard vs Yale). Sometimes it’s appropriate to focus on our first-world problems, and other times it’s appropriate to remember that they are, indeed, merely first-world problems. </p>
<p>For everything in my life, I don’t need to be reminded that at least I don’t live in the favelas of Sao Paolo or the slums of Mumbai, but sometimes it is worth my consciousness to remember those things and not gripe because I only live in Short Hills and the people in the Hamptons have it nicer than me. </p>
I may be sanctimonious, but one thing I’m not sanctimonious about is thinking that all opinions are equally valid. Sorry, I just don’t have patience for somebody with above average wealth in the United States who doesn’t “feel rich.”</p>
Really? Wow. There are plenty of reasons why someone with above average income or wealth might not feel rich. But, ultimately, why does anyone care what any other person in the world outside of their immediate circle feels? If John Smith, who is a very wel compensated associate at a law firm, but has been told he has to leave by December 31 and hasn’t found another job doesn’t feel rich, what’s it to anyone else? If Pam Davis has above average wealth and doesn’t feel rich, or even envies the truly wealthy, but does good things for people and never voices her feelings, why should anyone care? It’s one thing to hold actions and speech in contempt, but personal feelings? Please. I have a friend who is very wealthy by any measure and knows it. However, he grew up in a trailer in the deep south and was, literally, hungry until he went to college. He has never felt rich a day in his life and knows that he never will, but he does a lot of good for a lot of people, so his feelings are none of anyone’s business - and they happen to be totally understandable.</p>
<p>I can’t see where asking for a little perspective is being “thought police.” Feelings are fine, and they don’t have to be “rational.”</p>
<p>It’s sometimes good to remember that people in the first world take certain things for granted that are, for many people in the world, a dream. That does not invalidate feeling that your neighbor, who doesn’t work as hard as you do, has more toys and it bugs you. But, more than likely, you both have running water that is potable, access to medical care, etc. Mentioning perspective is not thought policing or invalidating human feelings. </p>
<p>I don’t know if any of my friends with above average wealth feel rich or not. It’s not really something people talk about in real life. Religion, money, sex. People in my world don’t actually ever “talk” about this stuff, which is what makes this board fun, to me. I like hearing how everyone feels also, it would be boring here if we were all of the same mind. JMO </p>
<p>I wonder if anyone expected to feel rich, and if they had a criteria in mind?
I think it’s like age.
When you are 15 or 25, you might expect that someone who is 65 or 75 feels * old*.
It may be a great surprise to reach 45 or 55 and not feel much different.</p>
Judging people for their personal feelings, particularly without knowing their circumstances, actually does invalidate their feelings. And not feeling rich isn’t the same thing as lacking perspective by any stretch of the imagination. </p>
<p>Fooey. Americans not “feeling rich” is like NBA players not “feeling tall.”</p>
<p>But let me edit to add: people are certainly entitled to their feelings. But I’m entitled to think some feelings are goofy. If an NBA forward said he didn’t “feel tall” because he wasn’t tall enough to be a center, I’d roll my eyes and say, “Dude, you’re seven feet tall. You are tall, period.”</p>
<p>If this conversation was about whether people feel secure, then maybe I wouldn’t be so judgmental. That’s a lot more subjective, and even rich people can become poor (or at least, less rich). But millionaires who don’t “feel rich” are living in a fantasy world.</p>
<p>I actually know Americans who are dead-on poor by any measure. Fed by others poor. Struggling to keep a roof over the head poor. Gloves are a luxury poor. </p>
<p>And again, I don’t know why you care about anyone’s feelings. </p>
<p>Sure, there are Americans who are poor. In my opinion, it’s an affront to them for rich people to complain that they aren’t really rich.</p>
<p>I don’t really care what people feel–I was just answering the question posed in this thread. The reason rich people don’t feel rich is because they are self-absorbed and duped by advertising.</p>
<p>Mother Theresa thought American’s were much poorer than many in poor countries. But, she wasn’t talking about money. The Dali Llama had to spend hours listening to people discussing the problem with self hate and low self esteme before he finally admitted he didn’t even know what that meant. They just didn’t have that in Tibet. </p>
But complaining and feeling are two totally different things. that’s my point. I have no patience for complaining. But I understand how a person who has a lot after having had nothing for their formative years, or someone in immediate risk of losing everything wouldn’t feel rich even thought a snapshot in time might make some others think they were.</p>
Well, I understand it, too. I just think they should snap out of it. This is just a lot like the kind of thing I have to point out to my kids–you ought to realize just how good you have it.</p>
<p>Let me be more specific. I looked back at the New York Times article, and one of the first comments was a person who complained that after all his taxes and education costs, etc., etc., he really didn’t have any more disposable income than a person earning $100,000 less than him. Really? That guy needs to get a clue someplace. It’s one thing to be jealous of people who have more than you, but it’s really ridiculous when you are jealous of people with less.</p>
<p>Hmmmm…the issue of feeling rich, really finance issues, comes up a lot in my circle. Part of it is the retirement issue. 3 of my friends are over 65. The cost of living is very high here and there are people with quite a bit of wealth around. (Many people are not wealthy).</p>
<p>People do look at their relative position, but that kind of thinking can be overcome. If I want to feel poor, I can just walk through Ross or Belvedere. If you know you are comparing yourself to others, you can stop comparing yourself to others. I may walk through Ross later today but I refuse to feel poor. </p>
<p>I am a guy. I have 4 guy friends and we can talk just about anything. That is very important to me. I have found most guys are not like this. I am not that interested in those guys </p>
<p>I do have a few friends that are playdates.</p>
<p>My real career is understanding myself. (I like to understand others too). It is hard to do that if I don’t talk to like minded people. I hope to fully understand myself right before I die. :)</p>
<p>Wow, you are tough. What personal traumas do you consider serious enough for people to not snap out of?</p>
<p>But the example you are talking about is someone complaining. that’s not the same thing as the personal feelings inside a person’s own head. My friend, as I said, is very wealthy. But he grew up always hungry and, more than that, always unstable and unsure of what mess his mentally ill mother could dump on him, and to this day (despite therapy), he is still the person who was formed in the trailer park. He works hard and no one is more grateful than he for his blessings, but he does not feel rich at all. He feels like he always has to work harder and save more and struggles to spend even for normal things. You can judge a person’s words and actions, and not all are equally valid, but when you’re talking about feelings (which is the exact word in the thread title), then you’re overstepping. I bet you have some feelings sometimes that you wouldn’t want to be judged on.</p>
<p>Look, there may be some people with a good reason to never really feel rich, even if they are rich. My own mother is like this–a lot of people who experienced the Depression are like this. But it’s pathology, not philosophy. And as I said, I would distinguish feeling secure from feeling rich, anyway. Heck, some very rich people aren’t actually secure.</p>
<p>What I’m talking about it that guy who complained–he doesn’t feel rich either, and his reasons are bogus. He thinks he’s entitled to a house, a car, running water, electricity, etc. And it’s an attitude I see all the time–people explaining that they aren’t rich because it costs a lot to live in their nice suburb and maintain two cars, etc. That’s the attitude that’s fed by advertising and mass media.</p>
<p>While I’m ranting, I’ll complain about the people who spend great sums to make us feel like we aren’t rich, and that we will feel rich if we buy their wares–they tell us we need car seats made from “soft Corinthian leather” (something that doesn’t even exist–the leather was made in Newark), etc.</p>
I may walk through Ross later today but I refuse to feel poor.