<p>You often hear the adage: when someone insults or hurts someone else, it’s often because he doesn’t feel good about himself?</p>
<p>But is it really true? Sometimes, it just seems so hard to believe. </p>
<p>Parents, from your life experience, did you find that it’s true most of the time? Feel free to share some stories.</p>
<p>Why is it hard to believe that those who knowingly cause harm either physically or emotionally to others are damaged in some way? Happy,balanced, joyful people do not bring pain to those around them.</p>
<p>I guess it’s because such people usually seem so confident.</p>
<p>I wish I knew some happy, balanced, joyful people.</p>
<p>My husband tends to be hurtful and make those around him feel bad when he is feeling bad himself.
He sets the tone and can drag people down with him…mostly this is fueled by money worries</p>
<p>I think that many people simply have not learned self control. When they are tired, broke, worried, and so on, they do not have enough self awareness to work on putting on the brakes.</p>
<p>I think there are many reasons why people hurt each other. Often, yes, it is a way to make themselves feel better by bringing the other person down. Sometimes it is about control. Sometimes a person may be modeling the way that they have been treated in the past by others. I also see a lot of insensitivity that is hurtful. Comments or actions that are hurtful simply because the person never really considered the impact of their words or actions.</p>
<p>My dad died a few weeks ago and I was very saddened to note that it seemed to bring out the worst in some of my family members. A lot of barely hidden agendas and resentments surfaced at a time when we should have been supporting each other. Hurtful comments, passive aggressive behavior, jealousy, etc. It was almost as painful as the death itself.</p>
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<p>This rings true to me. For some people I know, it’s about power, too – having the power to make another person feel good or bad.</p>
<p>I have come to the realization that people just think differently. My SIL doesnt get that she is mean. One time someone said to me “She must be really stupd because no one could be that mean” but she continually makes comments and decisions that are hurtful and then is puzzled when you dont like what she does. However I recently said something in jest that hurt her, and I didnt really understand it until I really thought about it and then apologized. Something she would never do.
I also see people as envious and they have no compunction about crossing that line, I dont know if its a lack of self awareness, or principals. Basically the kind of life I want to live does not include knowingly trying to hurt others, I do believe in karma and you can choose to have your life represent good karma or bad.<br>
I do think that some people consider being kind and nice a weakness, and instead of rewarding it they prey upon it. So it needs to have its own rewards because you cant expect others to respect it. I do think in the long run what you reap is what you sow and it comes back to bite you in the …</p>
<p>Some people do not knowingly hurt people- it can be a complete mistake. Or due to selfishness and insensitivity, nothing per se against the victim, just thoughtlessness and lack of concern for others.
Obviously, there are people who are negative or competitive or insecure and trying to take others down. Some even adopt is as a style or automatic behavior, to cope? Because they get away with it??</p>
<p>And some people, said to say, are more easily hurt or sensitive than others. They can feel like a victim, and even adopt that stance too much for their own good. It can even make them become passive-aggressive.</p>
<p>It takes strength to deal with hurtful situations. On all sides.</p>
<p>Being around toxic and hurtful people is hard on one’s health–I do my best to keep my distance as I don’t feel there is good to be gained being around people who are mean. Yes, they may be hurting or psychotic or whatever, but many do not seem interested or inclined to change, so why be in harm’s way?</p>
<p>This is one reason I am glad my loved ones have avoided politics–it makes strange bedfellows and has harmed a lot of people.</p>
<p>Something I have never been able to understand is why my H says things that he doesn’t mean.
I am very literal & while I might say something that I wish I didn’t, I don’t ever say anything I don’t mean- I don’t work that way.</p>
<p>He says things that are awfully hurtful when he is angry ( & he has a bad temper) & later I am supposed to forgive him because * he didn’t mean it*.
This feels hollow to me- because I can’t imagine trying to hurt someone on purpose.
I do enough damage, just by being clueless as to what my words sound like!</p>
<p>We cannot change the behaviors of people who make hurtful comments, but we CAN change the way we react to these comments.</p>
<p>I have read suggestions like this a million times and I agree with it, but I cannot seem to master how to change my reaction. Has anyone figured this out?</p>
<p>There are people who have, (quoting my mother here) “ugly personalities or ugly souls.” I think it doesn’t matter WHY people say terrible things (money worries, work problems, sadness about things in their lives) but rather that they lack the tact or self control to think.</p>
<p>My story: After my mother died I called relatives to notify them about my mother’s death. I called a cousin, a few years my mother’s senior, who’s husband had died in his mid 60s of cancer. She never moved on.</p>
<p>Her reaction? “Well, your mother lived long enough. It’s not like when…died. That was a tragedy.”</p>
<p>I never spoke to her again.</p>