Isn’t it the human condition – liberal or conservative – to feel like an outsider?
A bit of an aside, but this is very similar to my view. I usually articulate it as “feeling marginalized” in the political context, but I liked your comment and wanted to respond.
My kid attended two different day schools, both of which had anti-bullying policies. At the first, the kids who tended towards those behaviors were clever and engaged in passive-aggressive tactics that flew under the radar. They got away with it despite several complaints to the school administration. This was a fine school academically with many wonderful teachers, families and enrolled students. However, we were among several families who voted with our feet and left, after much soul searching. There have been changes in the administration since our departure and I sincerely hope these issues are a thing of the past.
School number 2 enforces its anti-bullying policy and honor code to a significant degree and the culture of civility is pronounced. It is also much more diverse politically and socioeconomically. It’s a good fit for my kid. However, even there, one can find a very few kids who engage in petty harassment (think eye rolling and sarcasm) for which the best response is to ignore and rise above. However, the cumulative effects of such interactions can be taxing if one does not have a thick skin.
Note that none of what I’m saying has to do with political inclinations. The qualified responses summarized in post #50, for me stem from an understanding that kids might engage in subtle behaviors that might make an outlier feel uncomfortable but which would be very difficult for a school to police. One would hope for better, but if many grown adults have not managed the art of civil and respectful debate, should we expect all teenagers to rise to that standard? I would imagine that most kids would be courteous, but that is not the same as welcoming and inclusive. For me, the OP’s question really has to do with whether or not their kid will find their tribe, how large it will be, and will he feel like a valued member of his community by people who think differently than he. Those are legitimate concerns when one considers the expense of boarding school and the difficulty of transferring, especially as one moves up in grade and spots are fewer.
@individualist I cannot speak for the culture of CA, but I do agree with the recommendation of many posters upthread that a revisit day might provide more information regarding your concerns. I also agree that a lot depends on the resiliency of your child and how he engages in debate. Best of luck as you move forward.
@CateCAParent Actually, your suggestion to read the school publications is an excellent one. I read each and every one of the student/school publications for schools my kid applied to. In one case, I was very surprised. I learned that although I thought the school leaned X, every single article leaned Y. If there are multiple views in the student run publications then you have got a good data point about what’s allowed in terms of communication. To me, that’s a great sign.
If you read only one thing or the publication is overtly political one way or has no articles at all about point of view on issues of ethos/thinking then you have another data point. For some kids, it’s a non-issue. For others, it’s a big issue.
@PhotographerMom Boarding schools should encourage civil discourse and ensure no one is bullied or belittled just because their opinions are unpopular.
HOWEVER, if a kid insists on clinging to ideas that are disputed by scientific fact (like claiming climate change is a hoax) or ideas that are hateful (like parroting that Mexicans are mostly drug dealers or rapists), then I would expect the kid’s judgement to be challenged and questioned.
Also: This idea that every argument has two equally valid sides is false. Some issues have more than a dozen equally valid perspectives… and some arguments could be decided easily by a cold review of actual data and facts.
But no, no one should be bullied just for holding unpopular opinions.
@CaliMex - What part of my post inspired you to tag me?
@PhotographerMom You referenced my comment about questioning a kid’s judgment, so I thought I’d clarify what I meant. I know that not all Trump supporters deny the Science behind climate change or have racist perspectives on Latino immigrants, but those that do should absolutely be challenged and their judgment questioned. That is NOT the same as bullying…
You know how much I admire you and how grateful I am for your guidance throughout our BS journey…
I think it really depends on the culture of the school. For example, my current private day school is very liberal, and I’ve heard from people who are not as left leaning that they feel like they need to keep their opinions to themselves because it might affect how others see them. Gossip spreads quickly, espescially among girls (even though I know the op is talking about his or her son.) I don’t think anyone has been bullied. Nobody is a social pariah because of their political opinions. But definitely I’ve heard, “oh, so and so is a Trump supporter,” in a not so accepting tone. I don’t know what the social scene at CA is like, therefore I cannot comment on it.
As a student, I would never bully someone who had different views than me. I might have a hard time understanding their views, but I believe that I would respectfully listen to them, and then present my own thoughts. If someone tried to argue that something scientifically fact based was false, or there was a perspective that was hateful, I would definitely speak up.
My guess is that he will be challenged about his views. Is that such a bad thing? I think we all should be questioned either by ourselves or others about the positions we hold, otherwise who’s to say their our own.
I think that it would be a question worth raising at a revisit.
In addition, I think that someone who can honestly answer this question is a student or a current parent at CA right now. Or a recently graduated student/somewhat recent parent. The rest of us can only speculate, really.
Or go off on a tangent…again.
The OP has not logged in since asking the question. Perhaps this is just a hit-and-run posting. If not,it seems the the advice to see on revisits is the best one, and there is little more to add. So, I’m closing.