(Not sure if this is the right place to put this question. I apologize in advance.)
Basically, I have social anxiety. (I’m a social extrovert with social anxiety, which really sucks, but I digress.) It’s a little early for me to be worrying about this (after all, I’m only a junior), but I want to apply to a couple Ivy Leagues and some other highly-selective schools such as Stanford and University of Chicago.
Anyways, a couple days ago, my Spanish teacher was imitating some of his overachiever students (okay, he was imitating me, but only out of love, of course—he was joking), and he said, “Ugh, I’m in 18 AP classes, and I’m soooo stressed out—but I’m going to Harvard!” He doesn’t know that I actually AM considering applying to Harvard. Ever since then, I’ve had this fear that my teachers are going to think I’m full of myself or above everyone else for applying to overly selective schools.
I know this should be the least of my worries. After all, teachers are only there to help, and there are so many other things concerning Ivy Leagues that I should be worrying about. But I really want to know—will teachers think I’m full of myself for attempting to apply to the Ivy League/other highly selective schools?
It SHOULD be the least of your worries. The teacher was out of line IMO. There is nothing wrong with applying to Ivy League schools if your academics etc. make you a viable candidate. Still, it is best that students do not to walk around bragging about their HS achievements and making others believe that they feel “entitled” to being accepted at a hyper-compettive school. .
So, you’re a first semester junior? Or a soph? And no 18 AP.
What were the SAT scores?
Aside from whether or not the teacher was out of line or lovingly kidding, you want to make sure no one thinks you’re so terribly driven that you miss the forest for the trees. The top schools are looking for nice, genuine, collaborative sorts who enhance their communities. it would be nice to have teachers write enthusiastically about you. If yu need to make an adjustment, you have time.
^Agree – at that point, someone will be able either support you and allay your fears – or agree with them as to your being unsuitable. Right now, you’re raging against nothing.
But the 15 year old Ivy obsessed student is a known archetype – and unless you genuinely become likable, you’ll quickly become unlikable.
A teacher’s LOR will reflect their experience with you in the classroom. The particular colleges you are applying to will not affect what they write, at least not any teacher I’ve ever known. But if you resemble the student described by @T26E4 this will affect your classroom manner despite whatever grade you earn, and you will not get glowing LORs.
I think you guys misunderstood…I’m not concerned with what they write yet, I’m concerned with what they personally think of me. This matters to me more than the recommendation.
Same difference. Chicken and the egg. And something of a life lesson.
If this was ‘nothing,’ let it roll off you. If you feel you may be a tad aggressive, then pare back. You’ll eventually need this same self-awareness and skill in the work world. But no need to obsess.
Only 3 people at your school will know that you are applying to Ivies–your counselor and maybe the 2 teachers you ask for recs. Apply to some (academic and financial) safeties you would be happy to attend, match schools, and a few reaches. If you are a kid who teachers are all making comments about your humility this is the ideal time to tone that down a great bit because it’s usually junior year teachers who write your recs. In my son’s class arguably the second strongest student in his grade according to scores and grades who had plenty of nice ECs ended up at a safety school and was rejected not deferred or waitlisted to all his reaches and matches. Word on the street is that he got bad recs–which he probably deserved as he was a total argumentative jerk with his teachers and students and always went on and on about how great he was. Sadly my son knew him well outside of school and he was really putting on a front because he was very insecure. Your teachers won’t think you are full of yourself for where you are applying as long as you have a positive attitude. If your schools are all common app I don’t think they even know where the recs are going unless you tell them but that may depend on how your school does recs.
I doubt they would think that. You are in the range for these schools, so they should appreciate the fact that you’re pursuing your goals. There is a chance that you have petty teachers, but in that case don’t ask them for letters of rec and they don’t need to know where you’re applying.
This is easier to say than internalize, but remember that you won’t e in high school forever. Even if someone disdains you for this, you’ll soon be out the door.
Go for it! Good luck!
At your age, your world is relatively small. It is only natural that you care about how your teachers or friends think of you. It may take just a few years that your world would expand much larger. At that time, you will care much less about how your teachers would think of you.
So far, you have done well. Relax; just be yourself.
You’re thinking too hard!! When I told my teacher I was shooting for Yale when I asked her to write me a recommendation, she said she thought it was awesome I was shooting high (same with my other teacher, whose son applied to Ivies/UChi/Stanford so she was obviously well-versed in the whole shabang).
I think you have a fair question here. If you are academically qualified to apply to Ivy League schools, then the teachers you ask for recommendations should be able to write genuine letters without any subconscious bias. But if you really are just taking a chance for the heck of it, because why not, then you might want to reconsider. Teachers are aware of who the best students are. If you aren’t one of the best students, are you sure you should be applying? It’s possible that they might subconsciously not write the best recommendation they can, if they feel their own effort will be wasted.
On a much simpler note, why do they need to know where you are applying? My daughter didn’t tell her teacher recommenders where she applied. The only person who knew at school was the GC. After she paid her deposit, she thanked both her recommenders and told them where she was going. Whatever you do, don’t ask the Spanish teacher for a rec. That was not cool for him/her to mock you.
Let me give you this advice. When asking this or any other teacher for a rec, you need to ask whether they can write a positive letter for you. This is always appropriate, phrased politely of course. Don’t argue or question why if the answer is ask someone else, simply to thank the teacher for their honest answer.
While it can be uncomfortable for a student to ask a direct question like this to a teacher I would never assume a teacher will write a positive rec. Especially one that is mocking you “but only out of love, of course”.
“The Gatekeepers” is a book in which a NY Times reporter sat in with the admissions committee at Wesleyan for a year. It has a real-world example of a bad rec. Obviously when the student asked for a rec she assumed it would be positive, but here is what she got:
This could have been avoided if the teacher had been asked if they would write a strong rec. The student did not get in.
Thanks so much! I never thought of directly asking teachers that. That takes the guesswork out of it.
But note: the teacher is just that kind of guy. The students that don’t get made fun of are students who are doing poorly in class, which I know is weird, but would make more sense in context.