<p>I’m willing to read and comment on essays for the next day or so. I’m a grown up and a professional writer. I tend to give frank, honest criticism. Just PM me the essay.</p>
<p>I can’t write an admission essay!! =(</p>
<p>could you please give some guide lines?? I want to know how to start an essay!!</p>
<p>I’d be thankful…</p>
<p>Write lots and lots and then cut and cut.</p>
<p>If you don’t know where to start, start anywhere, go anywhere. Later you can look at it and see if anything stands out, and you can refine that.</p>
<p>Some people can sit and think and think and just write out something polished. Other people need to write and write and then see what’s on the page. Most people are of the second type, I think.</p>
<p>The blank page is the scariest thing. Just fill it up with ANYTHING. Then you’ll be less afraid. Stop focusing on the goal, just focus on getting something down.</p>
<p>Pairs of Lions and cubs line the front, crouch low, and anxious to attack. Metaphorically speaking, couples of mothers and daughter wait stealthily, to become the first to make an impression. Facades seem to be cemented into their facial expressions and their longing to influence the select individuals seems pitiable. I sit watching the main orator and wonder how she could subject herself to such a negative promotion of women in front of a disgusting audience. As she ceases, the predators pounce and I back away as lines form to try and speak to the poor girl, who just gave her account of the past year of her life. I sit there with my mother, who says to me, just go for it; if anything, this could be entertaining. It was this moment, that the pageant circuit entered my life. I had believed that these prissy tiaras and diamonds brainwashed women into the perfect image of beauty, hierarchy and power. The unrealistic expectations of what women should act and look like, were already blown up on magazines, billboards and various mediums of the media; pageants were just another form of American culture influence on the objectification of women.</p>
<p>Despite my beliefs, I sought this as an opportunity to change the system. The financial aspect of the Miss ***** Scholarship Pageant Program originated my lure to this first informational meeting, and now these girls challenged me to wake them up from the hypnotization of American beauty. </p>
<p>A drive ignited within myself to prove that the confidence and intelligence of a women constitutes a role model,. I succumbed to walking in heels, but flourished through public speaking competitions and interviews with public officials of various calibers. The fateful night of the pageant arrived, and I was onstage embracing nerves of anticipation, along with 44 other girls, as the announcers final words were spoken, and the rest of the evening was a blur as I spent my first night in the position of Miss **** 2009.</p>
<p>The opportunities of my role have been endless. Broadening my horizons, and understanding other perspectives on aspects of life has let me open my mind and heart to the community. After attending City Hall meetings, the Naval and Childrens Hospital, the ***** Rodeo and other events in the city as part of my role, I went beyond the coordinated events and publicized the citys Special Olympics. As a city ambassador, I had the ability to acquire many sponsors and volunteers to help and make the day a huge success, and invited the daughters and mothers involved with the pageant. The spirit of triumph enveloped the environment with each competition, as the disabled athletes overcame their setbacks and confidence exuberated their presence. The admiration of each participant was inevitable; everyone shared the drive for them to finish their race, and the pride of their achievement . As they completed their own challenges, I was completing mine. To experience what a real role model, handicapped or not, accomplishes in the face of adversity is far more admirous than tiaras and diamonds. Finally, these girls understood how beauty and power encompasses a person, they just needed to encounter a different type of event in their everyday life.
Putting yourself outside your comfort zone, opens you to endless possibilities. I put myself in a pageant, and came out with lifelong friendship with people whom I would had never had the chance to meet. I gained unforgettable experiences and people skills that have allowed me to associate with a diverse group of individuals. I have shown a group of lionesses what it means to be a role model to the community, and tamed them to accept one another for who they are. When there is an endeavor, you must challenge yourself and strive to your limits to succeed. Experiences are diamonds in the rough, unsuspecting and silent until discovered.</p>
<p>do you ahve an emai lthat I can just send to you?</p>
<p>Please don’t post your essays in this public thread. It’s not a good idea for privacy reasons, and I’m not going to comment on anything posted like that. Please just Private Message me using this message board’s messaging system. Thanks.</p>
<p>My general advice to you all is start strong. Don’t spend a paragraph setting up your story. Start telling it from the first word. It will engage your reader. Don’t be preachy and don’t include a lot of generl information someone can find on wikipedia. You don’t have the space for that. Focus on personal details and get specific to make it interesting and ring authentic.</p>
<p>If you write a sentence that anyone could have written, delete it and write one that is only relevant to you, that only you could have written because it reflects something unique about yourself. That’s a hard goal to aim for, but if you keep that in mind, you will help yourself from lapsing into mundane platitudes and cliched memes.</p>
<p>can you look at my essay?my msn is <a href="mailto:ying7686@163.com">ying7686@163.com</a></p>
<p>I’m willing to do this again, for the next day or so.</p>
<p>Have some time the next few days so I’m willing to look at essays. PM them to me.</p>
<p>Just a stylistic note. Some of you are writing all kinds of asides and things in parentheses. That’s not good style. So for instance:</p>
<p>I want to become a surgeon (maybe even a neurosurgeon!)</p>
<p>is not good style. Anything you have to say, you should say normally in a sentence, without putting in parentheses.</p>
<p>Also, self-referential stuff like:</p>
<p>I’d tell you more, but that might bore you, and I don’t have enough room in this essay anyway</p>
<p>Isn’t good style either. Just say what you have to say, clearly and succinctly, don’t go off commenting on your own essay like that. It takes away from what you DO have to say.</p>
<p>(Note, the examples above are made up by me, not taken directly from the essays you sent me.)</p>
<p>^Just PM’d you my essay. Please let me know what you think! Thanks.</p>