Once again, as I stated on the thread I started, I am posting well into the discussion and another discussion appeares to be happening.
Who cares. To answer the OP. I have been observing marriage announcements in our local paper where the bride is very often more educated than the groom. I have occasionally read these to my H because we think, as many others , that there is a major societal change going on. Women are becoming the more educated and bread winners.
I, personally wanted to marry someone of equal intelligence, not “degrees” and want the same for my children.
My H has a PHd and I have a Masters. But I believe, as do my kids, that I am smarter in some ways and he is in others. I attended more selective schools than he did.
My D1’s other has a PHd in engineering from an Ivy. She only had a BA from the same school. She gas expressed to me that she thinks she is smarter and she definitely earns a lot more money. Three times more and they both earn good salaries. They have been together over 5 years, with a 6 months break over a year ago. So it appeares to be fine for them.
I think couples need to be stimulating to each other. That often means equal intelligence. When the power, financially or otherwise, is unequal, it becomes much more challenging.
Even tho I had the professional degree, H was the breadwinner in our household, as he loved his job and I enjoyed raising our kids and helping them with issues that arose. It worked great for us.
This paragraph made me wondering about the relationship between DS and his GF.
DS once mentioned that he thinks his GF is very smart, so he likely thinks he marries up in this sense. Not sure how she thinks of him in this regard though (However, I heard from DS at one time that almost the scores of all the standardized tests they have taken so far are almost exactly the same.)
It seems she might be more organized but he likely has more “outside” interests (e.g., cooking?) which have nothing to do with his career. There is a slight chance that her side of family may think DS could be slightly too “relaxed.” (Gap year and all that.)
Socio-economically, her side is likely higher according to DS’s descriptions a long time ago even before they had got together as a couple.
Hmmm…we have not been made aware of the size of her student loans yet. Don’t tell and don’t ask here. However, I would be somewhat surprised that they have not touched on this unromantic topic by now after almost a year – but how would the parents know?! I guess each will be responsible for paying off his/her own student loans.
No divorced parents on both sides.
Her side of family seems to be much larger than our side, especially, having a larger extended family.
Is the size of indebtedness (including the student loans) on each side a factor in determining whether a person marries up or down?
Actually, as a practical matter, whatever loans or assets folks have when they get married seem to become part of the marriage even tho TECHNICALLY the separate property and separate loans are not supposed to be merged. In any case, I don’t really see how debt and assets are part of “marrying up or down.”
I married up in the ses sense but my H and I are equals in every other way. Our 3 kids did not meet a significant other in college which lasted past college and it will be interesting to see who they will match up with eventually.
Sadly, I agree with Himom. I miss having a dog very much, but if I ever want my s’s or future DIL to visit, we cant have a dog in out house. And DH is allergic to cats.
Our kids begged for a bunny so we ended up getting two. Within a short time, D was highly allergic–she’s the animal lover. We steer clear of pets because we think she’s more likely to develop more allergies if she spends more time around them. She has friends who have pets and that’s about as much as we think she should be exposed to. Animals do love her and she loves them, but she does have a ton of allergies.
@-)