<p>D has finished all her visits but is refusing to decide…now. “I know when I have to decide by!” I think she is going to put it off to May 1. It’s driving us crazy. She has narrowed it down to 2 and I think she just doesn’t want to choose. Any advice to get her moving, or how to relax until she does?</p>
<p>It has been a long process…much anxiety. She had to wait a long time with the adcoms in control…now it is HER time for relishing and ruminating. She is in…she can think about it, try on each school, redecide…what difference does it make? Fill out the FedEx envelope, plan a celebration ritual, look forward to the ritual not which school she decides on. This mailing of the decision is the end of the high school process…it is a separating. The celebration of a new beginning is soon upon her…have you ever had an old dog…many similarities. Hang calm, acknowledge her control for these few days, reinforce her process and plan a ritual. You will make it.</p>
<p>
</p>
<p>Nicely said, hazmat! SRMom3~my sympathies are with you as we are in the same position, though my son is still waiting on a finaid package from one school. Know that she will HAVE to make a decision soon! 
Hang in there…you are not alone! ~berurah</p>
<p>The same thing happened with my son three years ago, and we just left him alone as it became apparent he wasn’t going to rush to decide. Then, on almost the last day, he said,“Oh, I’m going to Stanford”, as if it had been a given all along. As long as you don’t want to insist that she picks one over the other for financial reasons, what difference does it really make if she waits until the end of April? You know she has two good choices, so she can’t go wrong. I would just leave her alone, unless she initiates a conversation about the pros and cons of the two schools.</p>
<p>I am having the same problem with mine. One school is just postmarked by the 1st but the others say that it needs to be at the school by the 1st. How late can you actually mail it and have it arrive in time.<br>
Or is it enough to accept online and then mail the deposit on the 1st.</p>
<p>Have the envelopes ready, stamped put the envelopes on the fridge.and tell her it has to be there BY MAY 1…</p>
<p>And say that to be fair to all the kids on the way list who haven;t been so lucky, that its right to mail in the answer so that others can get off their pins and needles…and then let it go. </p>
<p>On April 28, say okay, I have the two enevelopes, pick one!! Say, you know the post office loses things all the time, so we want to be sure and get it in. Then let it go. If she messes up by not noticing dates, you did all you could.</p>
<p>One trick, get a rubber band and put it on your wrist. Everytime you feel the urge to “nag” snap it. It works!!!</p>
<p>She knows when the date is. As a pseudo-kid, I can testify as to how annoying it is when parents start carping about things which aren’t even problems. “What are you doing this summer? Have you sent out resumes? You really need to do that! Have you interviewed? Where would you live?” Like I need to have someone make a friggin checklist for me, because I would space out on finding an apartment without parental micromanagement.</p>
<p>My take - if you feel like your kid isn’t capable of getting a college decision in by 01 May, then, newsflash: she’s not ready for college!! If that’s the case - you have a whole other set of issues, namely, figuring out what she’s doing next year that doesn’t involve throwing $40k down the toilet. That would be the issue to deal with head-on instead of dancing around it in an obtuse manner. </p>
<p>Now, my bet is that she’s ready for college and more than capable of making this decision and having the form filled out and in the mail 8 days from now. She knows the deadline. Unless you’ve given her a good reason why it needs to happen NOW, on your time table instead of the college’s, then be patient and wait. Sure, vicarious excitement and stress is not making that easy for you… but it’s vicarious. Most kids can handle themselves and their own stress/emotions about this, but not those of their parents as well.</p>
<p>Rant over.</p>
<p>Its interesting. The new adults want to make this decision all alone and suddenly we as parents are supposed to let go of our interest. After 18 years I feel the young adults shouldn’t get angry or annoyed at parents who have given so much- emotionally, financially, time. There is a weaning process that goes on all through kids lives. And kids need to respect that. As these students are making this life decision, which they do need to decide for themselves, they need to understand that it is hard for parents,who have taken care of their children for 18 years to not be interested and concerned and excited. </p>
<p>If I say, have you done this, I would hope my D wouldn’t get mad, and would say, Mom, you know you have done a great job raising me, and I do understand its hard to let go, but trust me when I say you have done a good job and I can handle this because of you and Dad. </p>
<p>It seems kind of sad that sudden adults feel they can just blow off parental suggestions. It doesn’t take much to say, hey yeah, thats a good idea and here are my plans. As parents, we do that with each other all the time. It doesn’t mean we are incapable of doing things, it jsut shows respect for each other.</p>
<p>So the parents are annoying, so what? Teens never annoyed their parents? The kids need to be a little patient with anxious parents as well. That is a real sign of maturity. Understanding that it is hard for the parents,it scary sending their babies so far away. </p>
<p>So teens, forgive your parents their foibles, understand what THEY are going through. Its not all about you. When they ask, give them a hug and say thank you for being here for me.</p>
<p>There is a big difference between asking questions or making suggestions, and downright nagging. The first two have a productive goal (helping the kid out and being a parent), while the last one is just useless. Has nothing to do with “letting go” or independence or whatever - nagging and carping is a big vote of no confidence in the kid.</p>
<p>IF the kid is not responsive and shuts parents out, that’s is when nagging / carping starts. Kids need to take some responsibility in that.
Parents really don’t like nagging. Its true. But if a kid is appearing to not be doing something, and doesn’t share, then the parents start asking questions. Parents reach the point of nagging and carping because kids blow them off. What I tell my D is this, set your deadline three days before actual deadline. Life happens. Things can happen in a family, in a school, with homework, to friends. This way, she has a cushion of time.</p>
<p>With my H, I will ask, did you do that thing? And he will say, well no because of …and that is an answer. Or he will say, yes I did. Sometimes I will have to ask or remind several times. It doesn’t mean no confidence, it means he is busy and forgets. BIG DIFFERENCE. </p>
<p>And kids need to remember everything thier parents did for them to get to this point and cut them some slack. They cut kids slack alot and they probably don’t even notice. Parents aren’t perfect. And so they get a little whiny and annoying. But that doesn’t mean they don’t trust you. It means they care alot and want everything to work out. So kids, give your parents a break and let them in. And if they get naggy and annoying, give them a hug and thank them for everything.</p>
<p>well said, Citygirls—…and to continue your last thought if I may…" if they get whiny and annoying…take a look in the mirror and be sure YOU (the student) are not contributing to the situation with stony silence, sarcastic non-answers or outright hostility.</p>