^^I also don’t like it when people call me Mrs. Busdriver, or Captain Busdriver. I much prefer people calling me by my first name, in a less formal way. Except when in the south, people will call you “Miss” Busdriver’s first name, which seems too juvenile for an adult to use, but I get that it’s a thing.
Even “hey you” is better. I don’t like the formality.
You guess wrong. Did you forget that women have names before we marry? It’s not like that unnamed lump over there gets married and suddenly has to decide on a name. An unmarried woman has a name already. It is her own name. It’s the name she has been using all along, the one that belongs to her. Either she keeps her name, or she chooses to adopt another name.
I can’t imagine why you should choose to identify my name as my father’s name. It is my late father’s name, but it is also my mother’s name, and my paternal grandmother’s name, and my paternal great-grandmother’s name. Lots of people in my family have or have had my name, not just my father.
I took it as an opportunity to change my name for free to something that was easy to spell. 
There are plenty of reasons to change your name when you marry. Just don’t tell me I changed my own name to my dad’s name when I married. I already had a name and I didn’t change it.
So, what is the best way to address the envelope when sending a family correspondence (Christmas card, family invitation, …) when there are 2 or more surnames in the family? Mr and Mrs H last name [& Family] is easy when everyone has the same surname.
Perhaps something like:
To the Spouse1Surname - Spouse2Surname Family
@SnLMom You can always address it as TheHusband’sLastName & TheWife’sLastName Family.
I am Hispanic. My husband is not. We married in England 26 years ago. I chose to keep my name. I haven’t had any major issues. Our children have my husband’s last name only in their British and American documents, and both my husband’s last name and mine in their Spanish documents as required by Spanish law.
I am Romani O, spouse is (Mr R’s first name) S.
The O-S Family
Romani, (Mr R’s first name), & (kids/dogs/whatever)
Romani O, (MrR’s) S, & family
But please, do not call us Mr & Mrs S or- even worse- Mr & Mrs (MrR) S
I don’t really know why this seems to be difficult. People over-complicate things IMO.
ETA: This whole Spanish thing is interesting since multiple people have brought it up. My mom is has dual Spanish-American citizenship, born in Spain in a Spanish hospital with a Spanish birth certificate and yet only has one surname. Her parents were not Spanish (British mom, Hungarian-Roma dad).
John Smith and Jane Doe and Family
The Smith/Doe Family
John Smith and Jane Doe and Children
I guess I’m pretty traditional in a lot of ways.
I took my husband’s name. All 5 of us-- myself and my husband and our 3 kids- share the same last name.
I will say that, as a teacher, it can be really hard when I receive an email from Mrs Smith asking about her son’s progress-- and of course, I have no one named Smith. Just a little reminder-- if your names don’t match, you need to tell us which child is yours.
Beyond that little detail though, I’m a big believer in Live and Let Live-- use whatever name makes you happy.
My new dil changed her last name right away. She was always positive that she was changing it. When I married I wasn’t sure at all about changing my last name. It took awhile but after kids I decided it was easier for all of us to have the same name.
I know a recently married couple who both changed their surname to a composite of their old names. For them it worked out well. It wouldn’t have been pretty for my wife and I. I don’t think any amount of creativity could have created a good name. It may drive genealogists nuts in the future.
I changed my name when I got married because it’s what I wanted. I use my maiden name as my middle name. Sometimes, I also use my middle name (which is a family surname) so my full name is Austin surname surname surname, like Austin Smith Baker Jones. I didn’t really consider what outsiders might think about that because I don’t care.
Our children have my husband’s last name. One has my surname as a middle name. The other has 2 middle names, one surname from my side and one from my husband’s. What they do with their names when they get married is up to them.
I’ve never had a problem keeping track of which parents belonged to which kids. I use my address book to keep track, and I add notes as necessary. It only takes a minute or two to note that Jim Parker-Davis is married to Beth Lewis-Bradley and they’re the parents of John Parker-Lewis and Alina Davis-Bradley. It also becomes a handy place for comments if we end up socializing (like Jim is allergic to nuts or Beth really likes a particular appetizer).
I think it’s odd that people think they can determine personality traits from people’s last names. That says more about them than the people they’re judging.
I took my first husband’s name when we married and our son has his last name. My D was born 10 years later and tI used her father’s last name (we were friends but not married). At that time I considered going back to my maiden name but figured two last names in one household was less confusing. I remarried when she was 15 and took my husband’s last name and we have since divorced so here I am with my two kids and we all have a different last name. I’d like to change my last name but not sure to what lol and I’ve put it off due to several planned international trips in the coming year to avoid the whole passport/id issues.
This issue of having two possible middle names is the biggest disadvantage of changing your name, in my opinion.
I prefer to use my original middle name. Let’s say that it begins with B. My Social Security card, bank accounts, credit cards and most other documents have my name as Firstname B. Lastname.
But somewhere along the line, as I’ve moved from state to state, some motor vehicle bureau decided that I had to use the initial from my maiden name, let’s say C, on my driver’s license and car registration. So in the eyes of the motor vehicle people, I’m Firstname C Lastname. I asked at the time whether this could be changed, and I was told that the answer was no. I didn’t make a fuss because this was decades ago, when security and ID requirements were rather loose.
As security requirements have tightened, this has caused me repeated trouble because my two most important documents – my Social Security card and driver’s license – have different middle initials on them. I’ve had difficulty filling out new-hire paperwork at jobs and getting cleared by a government agency for an ID card issued by their agency (an ID card that is essential in my work as a government contractor). Sometimes, I’ve had to produce my birth certificate and marriage license in addition to the usual forms of ID, and even then I’ve had trouble.
I’m not sorry I took my husband’s name. But I am sorry that I didn’t argue harder with that motor vehicle bureau long ago.
I was not given a middle name at birth, so use my maiden name as a middle name.
I did give my kids middle names.
DS has a middle name with the same initial as my middle name (but it is not my maiden name),
DDs were given middle names with the same initial as our surname for the reason @Marian explains.
The married DD changed her surname and uses her same middle initial.
My MIL uses 2 different initials for her middle name; it confuses her as to which documents use which MI.
(She also uses 2 versions of the formal name for her nickname with different initials- think Betty as the nick name for Elizabeth and Bethany, but that is another story).
This is absolutely brilliant, @mominva. I wish my husband and I had thought of it when we named our daughter.
Thanks @Marian. Can’t tell you haw many folks thought I was a bit ‘out there’ for even thinking about that.
@austinmshauri for some reason, I’ve always thought you were male. Womp womp
Funny, @romanigypsyeyes. Actually, I get that a lot.